I'm a woman that is absolutely in love with life....I'm doing what I love to do-as a massage therapist,a writer,a seeker of all that touches my soul and lifts my body.
I find great pleasure in the midst of chaos, in time with nature and kindred spirits.
I love the wisdom and clarity of Paulo Coelho, the music that makes me dance, and being present with the person I'm with.
I write to fulfill my soul and, hopefully, to touch others.
ANTHONY HOPKINS ′′Let go the people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing. Stop having hard conversations with people who don’t want change.
Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything to earn the appreciation of those around you, but it’s a boost that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.
When you begin to fight for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you in this place. This doesn’t mean you need to change what you are, it means you should let go of the people who aren’t ready to accompany you.
If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you don’t do yourself a favor by continuing to offer your energy and your life. The truth is that you are not for everyone and not everyone is for you.
That’s what makes it so special when you meet people who reciprocate love. You will know how precious you are.
The more time you spend trying to make yourself loved by someone who is unable to, the more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of this connection to someone else.
There are billions of people on this planet and many of them will meet with you at your level of interest and commitment.
The more you stay involved with people who use you as a pillow, a background option or a therapist for emotional healing, the longer you stay away from the community you want.
Maybe if you stop showing up, you won’t be wanted. Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will end. Maybe if you stop texting your phone will stay dark for weeks. That doesn’t mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing holding it back was the energy that only you gave to keep it. This is not love, it’s attachment. It’s wanting to give a chance to those who don’t deserve it. You deserve so much, there are people who should not be in your life.
The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, and both are limited. When you give your time and energy, it will define your existence.
When you realize this, you begin to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, in activities, places or situations that don’t suit you and shouldn’t be around you, your energy is stolen.
You will begin to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else. Make your life a safe haven, in which only ′′compatible′′ people are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve. It’s not your work to exist for people and give your life to them! If you feel bad, if you feel compelled, you will be the root of all your problems, fearing that they will not return the favours you have granted. It’s your only obligation to realize that you are the love of your destiny and accept the love you deserve.
Decide that you deserve true friendship, commitment, true and complete love with healthy and prosperous people. Then wait and see how much everything begins to change. Don’t waste time with people who are not worth it. Change will give you the love, the esteem, happiness and the protection you deserve.
❤️I read these beautiful words and paused to let them soak into my soul.
Such profound truth.
I’ve learned so much this past year… To let go and hold on at the same time…
When the Spirit moves in ways that are so clear and yet mysterious, all I can do is open my heart and my arms even more.
I know in my bones that this is something that I was created to do… and I’m asking for guidance in how to make it the best ..
So here I am, sitting outside, wrapped in a blanket, listening to country music and the cars that race by and I can almost hear my Mema’s voice say,
“Don’t you ever give up and don’t you ever go around acting ugly.”
There’s enough people out there in this world acting very ugly, dangerously ugly, hurtful, and vengefully ugly.
I wish I could say some magic words like ‘”abracadabra” and all the ugliness would vanish.
I can’t do that… but I can do something else.
Son here’s my idea-which is fast turning into a plan- what if the clothes we wear, the jewelry we select, the purse we sling across our shoulders made life a little bit more beautiful for someone else?
What if that tank top helped a mom get out of an abusive situation?
What if that painting paid the single moms electric bill?
What if that purse was handmade by a 14 year girl ?
What if that headband made it possible for a young girl to stand up against the cruel words that others screamed at her?
What if everytime you put on that floral duster, you smiled because you knew it helped a woman find hope and freedom?
Instead of Amazon, TJMaxx, Target and Ross, which will never notice if you stop buying from them…. what about buying from a woman that will know your name, your favorite colors and your styles?
Would you turn ashes into beauty, would you kick ugly to the curb?
“Don’t focus on what you only have left because it could be one more minute or 50 more years.”
I was messaging with my friend and colleague, Helen Patterson, about getting together soon and then we shared a little about what was happening in our lives and our businesses.
I told her that I thought one of her friends, Rachelle, was being very brave in her recent posts and podcasts.
Helen told me that Rachelle had struggled but had made amazing progress and had chosen to share her story so other women could get it.
In just over a month, I’ll be celebrating another birthday, and, every now and then, it hits me hard.
“Can I really be that old?!”
“Where did the time go?”
“Do I have another 30,40,50 good years in me?”
“Am I strong enough, pretty enough, good enough?”
“Am I aging gracefully?”
“How can I FEEL like I’m only 34 but be twenty years older?”
“I am just getting started, do I have time to do everything I want to do?”
Those are the things that go through my mind when I’m training or doing a massage or writing out my hopes and plans.
These are the thoughts that tumble around when I’m standing in front of the mirror looking at my body, and catching glimpses of my soul in my eyes.
Helen’s words hit me straight in my heart-simple, direct, profound.
“Don’t focus on what you only have left because it could be one more minute or 50 more years.”
This past year, every since Covid came roaring like a dragon, scaring us into taking Shelter In Place and having mandates for masks and social distancing, people have chosen to live with such precautions, limitations and fear.
They have stopped seeing family members, stopped celebrating holidays, stopped getting together for birthdays and Sunday dinners.
I get it. I really do. They are afraid they will get Covid.
But, here’s the thing…..I did, too, in the beginning. I stayed home, did Shelter In Place. Took off my clothes in the garage if I went anywhere, santized my house and my hands and my car over and over.
We didn’t celebrate last Easter… no baskets, no gifts, no Easter dresses, no family dinner. It was heartbreaking.
We did it because that’s what we were told to do and expected to do.
Then it hit me- really hit hard.
What I was doing-what we were all doing- was taking away precious time, giving away chances, missing opportunities, losing out.
In an attempt to prolong our lives, we gave up what made life worth living.
I know people that stopped seeing their children and grandchildren because they were afraid of Covid.
Others haven’t left their home because the ones that love them are so afraid that they will lose them.
It’s became a game of chance, of control, of hedging the bets, of making deals with God.
“I’ll stay away from everyone…. But you better add another year to my life now that I’ve given up this year.”
“I am doing all this…. so I better not get sick from Covid or anything else.”
“Here’s the deal, I’m going to follow all these rules, do everything by the book… and then I’ll be safe, right?”
Maybe so…but, I can’t help but think of it this way.
Only God knows the number of our days.
People still die from heart attacks, in car accidents, in senseless tragedies. People lose their battles with cancer, with mental illness, with other congestive, chronic sickness.
All we have is this minute…. and maybe another fifty years.
Like my friend, Helen, said, “Don’t focus on what you only have left because it could be one more minute or 50 more years”
I think that’s what’s happening, though. People have been focusing so hard on to stay here and not to be left or to leave that they have not lived!
I stopped doing that way back in May when I reopened the doors to my massage studio, Rockwall Body and Soul Massage.
I practice universal safety and sanitize procedures, but I touch people. There’s no social distancing in massage and that’s one of the beautiful things about it.
I don’t wear a mask. I have to read lips so people that come to see me express such a sense of relief when I tell them they can remove their masks.
I’ve spent so much precious time with my children, and my girls and my bundles.
I’ve been busy creating memories, making damn sure they feel loved and wanted and needed.
I’ve kissed and cuddled, shook hands and embraced. I’ve wiped tears and stroked faces.
I’ve gone to breakfast, to lunch and to dinner.. I’ve met friends for drinks at the bar, sat outside on patios sipping margaritas and listening to music.
I’ve gone dancing and I danced with anyone that asked.
I go to the gym almost every single day. I meet with my trainer, Phu, and we hold hands constantly. He places his hands on my body, I hold his legs when he stretches me. We have a comfortable intimacy. I know he’ll catch me when I stumble and he knows when to let me do my own thing.
My focus is on living every single minute of my life to the fullest.
I don’t know and neither does anyone else if I only have this minute or if I’ll have fifty more years.
I do know this much for sure.
I will not bide my time, waiting for something to be done with, or to run it’s course.
That’s not what my focus is going to be about.
I’ll do everything in my power to stay healthy and to keep my family, my friends and my clients healthy, too.
Those are the things that I can control, but life… whether it’s one more minute or fifty more years, like I hope for, is going to be spent living every single second of it!
I don’t want to have any regrets… no second guessing.. no missed kisses… no holding back.
I am planning on meeting my friend, Helen, soon. I am planning on drinking that bottle of wine that James gave me with him. I’m celebrating Easter this year with my family and for my birthday, in just over a month, I’m going to savor every single bite of that chocolate sheet cake and love on everybody that comes near me.
Just like my wise and wonderful friend, Helen, told me to do.
‘I am not in search of sanctity, sacredness, or purity. These things are found after this life, not in this life.”
There was a time in my life when I struggled to be more like the other women I knew- pure, sacred, quiet and modest… In appearance, in action, in spirit.,
I wasn’t .. I just wasn’t.. and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t be.
I felt like a fraud when I got dressed and went to take my place with them, wondering what to say, what not to say, how to appear as if I knew what they were talking about.
I didn’t belong, and I really didn’t want to belong but I felt like I should because it was ‘expected” of me.
But that was years and years ago when I was in my early twenties, still figuring out who I was and what I was created for.
“but in this life. I search to be completely human To feel. To give To take.”
These lines… It’s what I’ve chosen to do… to be so completely human… To give myself permission to give and to take. Give an embrace. Take time to be alone. Give a knowing look and take the hand offered to me. Give a gift to someone. Recieve a gift without feeling any thing but gratitude, and certainly not obligation. Give forgiveness and take it when offered back. Give myself a second chance and take the opportunities that come my way. Give an amazing massage and take the massage that’s been offered to me, without second guessing and attempting to control the session. Give and recieve, just like I’ve always believed was important.
Oh, to laugh just to laugh and to hear the sound of others laughing.
This last year I’ve found myself craving laughter so much, from the squeal of a toddler, the rambunctious laugh of carefree kids, the chuckle shared between friends. All of it. The pure pleasure of laughter …
There’s a guy that comes to get massages from me and, over the years, we’ve developed a friendship. He’s got one of those great laughs that I’m so grateful I can hear. When he comes, we always laugh and it makes me feel connected and good. His laugh is almost like an embrace, it wraps around and fills the space. It’s a simple thing, but it’s an important thing to me and I look forward to every time I see him and hear that laugh.
“To get lost and to be found.”
I’m notorious for getting lost, even in the small town I have lived in for the last twenty years. I can turn down a road that I think I know and wind up driving around in circles, until finally I find my way to familiar ground again.
Sometimes that really does drive me crazy and others as well, but the truth is… Most of the time,I really enjoy just wandering around, looking at things that I haven’t seen before..
I’ve learned to let go of things that I’ve “lost” and accept that if they’re meant for me, it will be found again.
It’s the same with relationships and friendships . Sometimes we lose touch, only to find the connection again when the timing is right.
That’s what being a human and a treasure hunter is about to me.
I can find a treasure in someone’s “trash” and I can turn a “lost cause” into a beautiful thing.
There’s been times when I’ve stood on the ragged edge perched between losing control and finding strength, and I’ve always found my balance right when it mattered
I’ve lost some “friends” over things that shouldn’t have caused the demise but I’ve also found some friends that others would have never been able to understand.
I’ve lost the need to explain who I am and what I believe to anyone that isn’t a part of my circle and I’ve found that sometimes shooting straight is incredibly freeing.
I’ve lost track of time during a massage, finding out that I’ve given more than the clients expected but this has been one of the things others have found to set my place apart.
I’ve also lost track of time while folding sheets, planting flowers, and visiting with friends
I’ve found excuses to keep from going where I didn’t feel like I belonged until I realized that I should always trust my instincts on things like that.
During this pandemic created by Covid, I’ve also lost some clients that have felt I was being “dangerous” in my approach to the situation.
I’ve accepted that without any feeling any real need to justify or explain my stance.
I do, however, feel that every person that’s left my practice for this reason will be filled by someone else that wil align with me better.
Lost…. and found.
Lost and found
I want to do more of both and be more of both
Please. If you know anything at all about me… You’ll know I dance..
I dance alone while brushing my teeth in the bathroom sink. I dance in the kitchen while getting snacks at midnight. I dance in my car while driving. I dance in the aisle at the grocery store and I dance while walking in the parking lot.
When a great song came on at my gym, I dropped my tire and went over to the wood floor and started salsa dancing my heart out
I never turn down anyone that asks me to dance.. I will dance with old men and young boys, with fancy ladies and teenage girls, with nervous beginners and those that have danced professionally.
I don’t care what songs are playing.. I just want to dance… again and again.
I dance when I’m massaging my clients… especially when it’s Ashiatsu. I dance when I’m stressed out and when I’m happy. I dance when nobody is looking and when it feels like all eyes are on me
“To love and to lust.”
Both are good and beautiful
To love intentionally and expectantly means to be open and honest with your feelings. To be intimate with your soul and your body. To love in words and in action. In such a way that gives so much, recieves so much and creates so much
We can love different people in different ways. Love isn’t limited. It doesn’t have a beginning and an end. It is infinite.
I’ve always wondered why so many people love like a prison. They limit who they love and set limits on the people that love them.
I don’t understand it .. I think it’s rooted in fear. Fear that there won’t be “enough” love to go around, fear that they will lose out, fear that they aren’t enough, fear that there’s too much.
Each child I’ve had, I’ve found my love multiples. It isn’t divided.. it only grows deeper and richer
Each person I love, makes me love the others more. I often think that’s how God wants us to be… Loved and known, as well as loving and knowing
It’s also important to lust.. to desire.. to feel alive.. connect with another on a deep level..
Lust is defined as a “sexual and sensual attraction” and I agree-somewhat-but I also think that lust means to crave and long for other things.
I lust for a better body so I workout hard … I lust for great relationships so I put in the effort, I lust for beauty and grace, so I plant flowers and listen to music and read words that fill my soul.
After all, I am not in search of anything except to be completely human all the days of my life.
There were times when she felt Fearless and so strong On top of the world Sure of who she was But once in awhile.
She stumbled and fell Into the sea of doubt Where waves of words threatened to make her drown So she did what any wise one would She dove down Through all the words Came up for air On the other side And shook herself free Of anything that Threaten to make her Go back