Jeanna' SoulShe had a lover
And a friend
A man
Since way back when
But on this day
It seemed like
She didn’t have any
About time
She learned
Hot to expect
What others did
She might have heard about
Friends and lovers
But that didn’t mean
She got the same
She would rather have
Crazy Daisies in pitchers
Or Mason jars
Instead
She would rather have
Tequila and whiskey
Instead
She would rather be picked up
Taken for a ride
In blue jeans and barefeet
Instead
She would rather receive
A simple bracelet
Handwritten card
Instead
She would rather have
Chocolate kisses
Instead
She would rather be
Taken out for burgers and beer
A little live music somewhere
Instead
She would rather be
Kissed again and again
Instead
She would just wait and see
What will be
Instead
Jeanna’ Mead
6 23 a.m. 2.13.20
Willie and Kris
Keep me company
When the nights turn into mornings
Words flow like honey
And my body craves
What I always give
Good thing
I can count on
Willie and Kris
To fill in all the spaces
Sweet talk to me
Just a little
I can pretend anyway
That every song
Was meant just for me
Saturday afternoon, my friend and I held each other’s eyes and hands as she sang “Hero” for me again.
It was especially meaningful this time because so much had changed since the first time she sang it for me.
The first time, her dad and I had gone to meet a friend of theirs in Dallas and the four of us had sat in the kitchen, drinking wine and eating cheese and crackers and talking and laughing with the easy companionship of people that just got each other so well.
It was a beautiful night and Kayla begin to sing after I remarked that I couldn’t understand the lyrics to the songs that we were listening to.
And sing she did… With this strong, beautiful voice that bought tears to my eyes.
It was intimate and enriching. It was an act of trust and a gift of courage and it felt so good to share that moment, that night, that song.
This time it was just us, sitting in the chairs upstairs at my massage studio. We had just plugged in my new Bluetooth speaker and connected Spotify and I handed the tablet to her with an invitation in my eyes.
She accepted. The first song she sang, America Honey, held some sweet lyrics
“Tryin’ to be everything
Can make you lose your mind
I just wanna go back in time”.
Sometimes, I do. I want to go back in time, to my long lost friend and tell him how much I treasured his friendship.I want to go back and speak words that I held back, to remind him that he should never give up who he is for anyone else.
I can’t go back. Neither can anyone else.
However we can go forward and we can find the hero that lies within us.
“There’s a hero if you look inside your heart
You don’t have to be afraid of what you are. There’s an answer, if you reach into your soul”
That’s what I have found. I’ve found my own superhero powers, once I took a good hard look at my own heart and realized I really did have everything I was searching for.
This is what I hope my friend finds. I hope he finds his way back to music and art, to the things that made him who he was.
I see my beautiful friend changing courses and challenging herself to become more of what she wants to be.
When she said, “I’m so proud of myself,” it was with conviction that if she spoke the words outloud, they became real.
Just like the song she sang, loud and clear, for me on Saturday afternoon and on that night, long ago.
“Lord knows, dreams are hard to follow, but don’t let anyone tear them away….. Hold on… “
So I hold on to my dreams… I hold on … and I find the hero that lies inside of me and in the people that share my life and sing the words of the songs I need to hear.
Jeanna’ Mead 4 24 a.m. 2.6.20 http://www.jeannasoul.com
She woke up
From a restless sleep
Where she dreamed of
What she wanted
Everything she needed
and mysterious things
That probably had some meaning
And like she always did
Around 2 a.m
what came natural
she curled up
With a blanket wrapped
around her
She wrote her heart out
The only way she knew how
And she wished for coffee
But didn’t want to walk
All the way downstairs
Leave the warmth for the col
the bottom half
Never stayed warm enough, anyways
Around 2 a.m
She would do without coffee
For now
But she would not do
the feel of her blanket
The sound of the music
or the words she found
Waiting to be read
Around 2 a.m
3.29 a.m. 2.6.2020
Www.jeannasoul.com
Never saw a label
That made me laugh
As hard as this one did
“Crazy Train”
Just might be
The very best description yet
Of the way I feel
I’m riding this crazy train
Going fast as I can
Headed out to anywhere
Just to see what it’s like
I want to ride hard and ride long
Dance on the ragged edge of life and love
I want to screech to a stop
Freeze this moment for a good long time
I want to stand up
On my tippy toes
Blow kisses to the Moon
And catch a few of my own
Dare myself to be more
Jump straight out of my comfort zone
I want to turn heads and tear up walls
Break down all those things
That used to hold me back
Rules and regulations
Other people’s expectations
I want to grab the reins
And ride that crazy train
For all I’m worth
Jeanna’ Mead
4 57 a.m. 1.23.20
Who the hell
Are you, anyway
Looking over your shoulder
Wondering what’s I’ve got that you don’t
Who the hell
Are you, anyways
Whispering underneath your breath
Passing judgment like refreshments
Casting stones and smearing names
Who the hell
Do you think you are
Looking down
As if you’re as pure as the driven snow
I’ll tell you
Who the hell you are
You ain’t no friend of mine
You ain’t sitting at my table
Or drinking my wine
You ain’t filling my space
With your vicious vibe
Because, I see right through
That well maintenance facade
Who the hell do you think you’re fooling
As well as you fool your own self?
I’ll be damned
If you’ll try to make me feel
Less than Beautiful
In my own skin
There ain’t no way
You can tell me
How beautiful I am
Jeanna’ Mead
656 a.m. 1.20 20
She will be different
This time around
She’s learned her lessons
The hard way
Again
She’s put her self
In a holding pattern
For way too long
But it’s a new year
Vision 2020
Like the third eye
Chakra
Hamsa
All that spiritual mojo
She sees the past
Without too much regret
It is what it is
She sees the present
Like it is
Just now
This moment and this day
She sees the future
And she’s not afraid
She’ll be ready
For whatever it takes
She won’t lean on
Anyone else
Climb every obstacle
By her own self
She will make her plans
Figure out a way
Step by step
No matter what it takes
Until she can look at herself
And know she did her best
Vision 2020
Jeanna’ Mead
7 20 a.m. 1.8.20
