Washing My Face

“God gave you gifts and strengths so that you could accomplish his plan. And while you may meet resistance as you look to use those gifts, you are not alone in your struggle.

Working women sometimes have to fight their way through patriarchal systems. Working mothers get backlash from in-laws or parents who can’t understand our desire to work, while stay-at-home

moms slam us for being away from our children. I’ll bet stay-at-home moms feel similarly judged by working women who can’t relate to their life choices. It’s as though we’re all children on a playground trying to say whatever others want to hear; trying to hide all the parts that others might not understand. It makes me wonder how many women are walking around living into half their personality and in doing so, denying who their creator made them to be.

Do you really think God made you—uniquely, wonderful you—in hopes you would deny your true self because it might be off-putting to others? I can’t believe that’s true. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I believe that God made me this way. He knew I would have a worker’s heart, and he knew I would want to build big dreams. In the same way, he knew another one of his children was meant to stay home and raise her beautiful babies while another daughter of his wouldn’t want to have kids at all.

Have you spent a lifetime muting yourself for fear of what others will think? Are you an entrepreneur who calls your business a hobby because you worry about what your mother-in-law will say or because it’s safer to keep everyone’s expectations low? Are you hesitating to go back to school because you think you’re not smart enough? Do you stop yourself from daring to try something new because you’re already positive you’ll fail? Do you remain silent when you have so much to say? Do you believe you’ll never do better or be better than you are right now because of your family of origin? Do you hesitate to admit your dreams aloud because you’re nervous about others making fun of you or judging you for your choices?

I believe that you are not a mistake—and feeling guilt about who you are (working, staying at home, overweight, underweight, overeducated, uneducated, emotional, bookish, street-smart, or whatever) does a disservice to yourself and the creator who made you. There are hundreds of ways to lose yourself, but the easiest of them all is refusing to acknowledge who you truly are in the first place. You—the real you—is not an accident.”
Girl, Wash Your Face

I’ve got some things to say about this..
I’ve always been the emotional one-the one that’s ” too much” and I feel everything very deeply. I cry easily and just as easily, I can blow up… Through the years I’ve learned to ” mute” my emotions, just like the writer said… When my aunt was about to have surgery, my eyes filled with tears and my voice cracked and her daughter sent me a look that I knew full well.
It meant I was being ” too much” again.

There’s a reason that I am this way… I was created to be… I’m full-on, hands-in, all there, no matter what

When I started my own business back in 2013,I could FEEL the doubters.. they didn’t outright say anything to me, but I could tell they were just waiting to be able to say, ” I knew this wouldn’t work” probably because of my hearing issues but more so because they just didn’t believe in what I do, or in me.

That’s okay.. because I was created to do this.. I know deep down in my soul that when I’m touching a body, it’s what I was made to do.. same with writing… It comes natural like breathing..
I don’t think twice and it don’t struggle to find words . They just tumble out, effortlessly, sometime with grace, other times, without an ounce of it.

“Feeling guilt about who you are does a disservice to yourself and the Creator who made you.”

Whoa… Here is another truth… Saturday I had some photos snapped of me and after looking at them, I immediately found flaws..
My hair is was a mess, my eye brows needed shaping, and my clothes didn’t look cute . . but mostly, I saw that I had gained weight and I didn’t like that. I felt guilty and ashamed for a hot minute and then I realized that I better wash my face and take another look at myself.

It’s true..I have gained weight… because I haven’t been able to do the cardio and workouts I really love to do…I haven’t been able to drive myself to the gym or go dancing but… damn, I’m walking on my own power now… and I’m able to carry my things here and there, make my own meals and go up and down the stairs at my studio.
I’m not in the best shape of my life, but I’m in a whole lot better shape that I was even just 3 weeks ago.
And you know what?
My husband wrapped his arms around me and said, “You’re still YOU!” and my little Riven said to me, “You’re still my Jamma, you’re just slower now”

Slower, now .. maybe that’s what God is creating now in me… slowing me down, making me think, making me grateful, teaching me to be mindful and graceful-to myself and to others

After all, He does know I needed to slow down and be still some… and then pull on my boots and dance again!

I’m not gonna let Him down, and I’m not gonna let myself down. It’s that simple.

musicandmassage #deaftherapist #loveyourbody #writingmyheartout #myownwords #wordsofwisdom


Well, some people have outright told me that I probably wouldn’t be in this shape if I had done differently… Several others have told me that I may never fully recover..

That just goes to show me that they don’t know me very well at all.

“Hardheaded”was what my parents called me way back then, and right about now, I’m really glad I am so hard-headed.

Hard-headed keeps me going at a business that requires up close connection during a time when it hasn’t been easy.
Hard-headed keeps me pushing through the pain to get back to walking and dancing with grace.
Hard-headed takes all the negative and turns out positive.
Hard-headed looks at a schedule and sees ‘half full” instead of ” half empty” and hustles to make it all full.
Hard-headed means standing up for what I believe even if I’m standing outside the circle.
Hard-headed means I don’t give up and don’t give in.. no matter how hard it gets.
Hard-headed means I pull back from anyone that doesn’t believe in me and hold on to those that do
Hard-headed means I’m gonna work through this time… and be better than ever.

Keep trying to find out what’s wrong with me… I’m so hard-headed that I’m gonna focus on what’s RIGHT with me and what I can do about it!

Peace…. Words from me and another!

I’ve had to step back and let go of some things.
I’ve had very few people cross the lines from client to friends and when I have done this, I feel very vulnerable..
Amy Weatherly wrote it best “The older I get the more I realize I want one thing in my life more than anything else:


Well, maybe two things because I also want Mexican food, but you know.

I want peace.

I want friendships that aren’t fragile. I want relationships that aren’t volatile. I want people in my life where the connection between us isn’t delicate—where it isn’t easily broken. Where you trust me and I trust you and differences and disagreements are communicated and aired out in the open honestly.

I want it all as comfortable as possible…like sweatpants that are worn-in and cozy. Sweatpants that allow room for growth and grace in the same way drawstrings work.

I don’t want bad with anyone. I don’t want bitterness, or anger, or awkwardness when we see each other. I can’t handle any of that “are we speaking? Are we not speaking? Are we friends? Are we cool face to face, but behind my back you’re spitting fire and bringing my name down?”

I’m full. Motherhood is a mental workout all day, every day. Adulthood in general is pretty stressful. Bills and work and deadlines and all of that business.

I literally cannot take on anymore stress and I’m so over all of the division and arguing it’s not even funny. I don’t wanna be your enemy. I never wanna be your enemy. No matter what your opinions may be. No matter your religion or your political party. No matter if you see red and I see blue, and you like country music and I like pop.

I wanna love you. I wanna be for you. I don’t want to be your competition. I wanna be your cheerleader, or at least a cordial passerby-er. I genuinely, to the depths of my soul, believe we’re all connected and we all need to be in this together. De-humanizing isn’t the way to go. Neighbor against neighbor isn’t the way to go.

Unity is.

I don’t want any drama. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not even in tiny doses. None. If you throw it my way, I hate to disappoint you, but I will not even attempt to catch it.

I don’t want chaos, or turmoil, or any of that. I don’t want gossip. I don’t want to hear secrets that may or may not even be true. I mean…I’ll keep your secrets for sure. I’m like a vault, but if I can’t hear the whole story, or both sides, I’m not gonna jump in and play referee. I’m just going to extend compassion and assume everybody is doing the best they possibly can.

And I’m good on the tea. I don’t need any. I prefer that fizzy, flavored water stuff anyway. Maybe a Diet Dr. Pepper.

I want peace.

And I’ve learned that sometimes it’s not really about keeping the peace. It’s about creating peace.

It’s about confronting things head-on. It’s about asking good questions. It’s about listening. It’s about keeping my ridiculous knee-jerk reactions to myself until I understand the situation more fully. It’s about refusing to brush the difficult stuff under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist until that rug becomes a mountain in-between me and my friend. It’s about talking things out and approaching every situation with kindness first.

It’s about apologizing.

It’s about maturity.

It’s about boundaries and knowing that even when I give my best, not everyone will appreciate it, want it, or like it.

It’s about loving them and letting them go from there and realizing 1. I’ll never be able to control them 2. Sometimes their opinions about me are really only branches stemming from their own issues. It’s about knowing that my reputation is what others think about me and my character is what is true about me. Character trumps reputation hands down.

Everything in the news and on social media is so heavy. It’s so hard, and just ughhhhh, ya know? Kinda makes me wanna puke.

So for me, and my own self, we are choosing peace.

I don’t have any capacity for hate, or hostility, or animosity, or for avoiding people because there are unresolved issues between us. Nope. Life is too short and it’s too hard as it is. I don’t want any of it in my soul, or in my life.

I want goodness.

I want purity.

I know I’m a mess sometimes and I’m insecure and prideful and I make so many mistakes. I’m so imperfect. I always will be, but I’ll never stop giving it my all. I just…

I dunno.

I want peace.

I want it to ooze out of me. I want it in me. I want it coming out of me. I want it all around me.

No matter what anyone else is doing.

I want peace.

And tacos and stuff, obviously.

Amy Weatherly”

And during this journey, I’ve realized that I can’t take it to heart when people walk away or try to make me feel defensive about my choices.. I just have to guard my heart and move forward.
It means taking care of my mental health and my physical health by drawing my circle close and seeking peace .

That’s what I’m going for . Authentic peace… Real relationships.. it can happen.

Invite Her (my thoughts)

I love reading this. With a little broken heart . I am often the uninvited one. Years ago I asked some one why I was left out and she said, “it’s so hard because we feel like you miss out and we have to repeat and make sure the lights are just right .. It’s a lot of trouble and it’s easier not to have you come”
That hit hard and, for awhile, I avoided gatherings because I didn’t want to be ‘too much trouble’ but recently I decided that I will be the one to invite and include instead of waiting on others.

“Too much trouble”.
Not at all.

Invite her.

If you’re hosting something, and you find yourself going back and forth with “should I invite this person? Should I not? Will I be odd if I include her? Will it be rude if I don’t?”

My word, stop stressing over it and just invite the girl to come. Deep down, you already know the right answer or it wouldn’t be a struggle. Don’t be a jerk about it. You’re making it harder than it needs to be.

Not once in the history of ever has a person shed tears over being invited. Not once. But many, many eyes have needed to be wiped because they felt like they weren’t included.

I know it doesn’t always work out, and I know at some point you have to draw the line, but if you are on the fence and you aren’t sure what to do:

Invite her.

And if you’re standing in a group, and you notice a woman on the outskirts and you’re thinking “well, it would be so weird if I asked her to join. Better to leave well enough alone.”


Make room for her and motion for her to come over.

It’s far far better to be weird than rude.

Amy” -Amy Weatherly

Walk With Love

I’m a little late in posting this but it’s been on my heart so much that I know I have to write about it to get peace.

Last Thursday morning about 11,I walked out of Ross and grabbed the wall as I stumbled.
My son had walked ahead to load our packages and was going to come back and help me but I thought I could make it on my own.
I’m stubborn like that. 🤗

The woman that has held the door open for me came up to me …
She was wearing a mask and I was not.
I couldn’t read her lips, but I could read her eyes which showed compassion and understanding.
The universal body language of kindness was clear.
She offered her arm and I gratefully linked my hand in her elbow and we walked together maybe ten feet before my son met us and took my arm to lead me the rest of the way to his truck.

This woman stepped forward to help me.. but more than that. She saw me and acknowledged me..
I’ve noticed something .. since I’ve had this injury which has affected my gait.. and for a short time, forced me to use a walker and then a crutch… that people are uncomfortable with disability, with injuries, with “differences”.
I’ve watched people avoid eye contact.. the same people that once came out of their way to talk to me, have acted as if I was invisible suddenly.

I get it. I really do. Sometimes people think whatever is wrong with you might be contagious.
One of my wheelchair bound clients told me once that people will talk to his wife as if he was no longer a person in his own right..”what would he like to have?”to which she would reply “I don’t know.. why don’t you ask HIM?”

So that Thursday when the woman offered her arm to help me walk, she really gave much more.
She gave me hope in the human race, she gave me validation that I was still me, and she gave me assurance of what I’ve always believed… That when you touch the body, you reach the soul.

She didn’t know who I was and she didn’t care.. All she knew was that I needed help and she stepped forward.
She didn’t know that I had just finished with Phu Lam and was extra wobbly from a hard training session.
She didn’t know about my Covid journey and how I was fighting to get my body and health back… She was willing to give and I was so glad to recieve.
If she sees this-or if someone knows her and tells her- please contact me .. I would love to tell her “thank you” for choosing to walk with Love!

walkwithlove #writingmyheartout


And all I know
For absolutely certain
Is that I do believe
Creates a ripple effect
And I will choose
To caste my stone
And just like a
Mirror reflection
Moonlight upon the water
I will receive
What I’ve given
Over and over
In Abundance
All because I
Choose to believe
That there is enough
Love to go around
To give and give
And give again
Until it overflows

Jeanna’ Mead-written October 10,2016 after talking till midnight and a weekend filled with insight.

Messy Self

I’m sharing this here… Convicted by a book I’m reading, Mary Katherine Backstrom book Holy Hot Mess which I discovered because of Amy Weatherly .

This picture was taken in my son’s truck.. as he was driving me to see the doctor again during my Covid journey.

What you don’t see is the knee brace on my left leg.
. Or the walker in my back of the truck… You don’t see the frustrating moments as I tried to balance and fix my hair, brush my teeth, do my makeup…
I look at this and think “I really need to get my brows done’ and I realize it’s too hard to walk into any place and get them done right now. That will just have to wait.

When I really look at this picture though, really look at it… I see my son rearranging his work schedule to take me to the doctor..
I feel his strong hand supporting my back while he helps me get from the house down the sidewalk.
I see the eyes of a woman that knows she’s loved despite the mess she’s in right now.
I am only showing y’all a glimpse but I know what isn’t being seen and I know what the camera doesn’t catch.
It’s a holy hot mess and it’s the truth. #writingmyheartout #holyhotmess #damnstraight #Covidjourney

Overwhelmed With Love

I watched this last night and was struck by the truth he spoke which made me remember the words of one of my favorite poets, Maya Angelou.

‘People will forgot what you said.
People will forget what you did.
But people will always remember how you made them feel.”

That’s it.. so simple and so pure, yet so hard for so many of us.

While all that is going on with the world today it’s easy to think we are right and others are wrong.. dead wrong. It’s easy to pass judgement and throw stones and make remarks… It’s harder to overwhelm people with love, which is what we are supposed to do

“The way we make people feel”

Tears roll down my cheeks even as I write these words.

How have I made people feel? Have they felt overwhelmed with love or do they feel as if I’m putting them down, pointing my finger, bashing their choices?

I know how I’ve been made to feel

I have felt excluded.
I’ve felt condemned.
I’ve felt isolated.
I’ve felt hurt .

And you know how I’ve chosen to react? By going into a safe place and choosing to guard my heart, to create peace and to love my way .

But that’s not what is really best in so many ways because I tend to go to extremes.

I build walls.
I make excuses.
I hurt others.

Not intentionally, of course, but in building the walls, I shut out people that might need extra love and compassion, in making excuses, I withhold invitations and don’t accept them neither and in my way of protecting my own heart from hurt, I wind up hurting others.

“You may be right, but your approach is not right.”

I let this sink in..I hope you do, too.

We should speak and live the truth in such a way that it’s overwhelmed with love.

Because it doesn’t matter how right if we don’t have love. It doesn’t matter what we say, what matters is how we make others feel.

Do they feel loved?
Do they feel welcomed?
Do they feel accepted?
Do they feel valued and respected?

People will forget what you post on Facebook and social media, people will forget what you worn, what you drove, whether you did this or not… But people will always, always remember how you made them feel .

So whether I’m right or wrong, I want people to feel love … coming from me, coming from God, because He loved me so much and He says very clearly,  “love one another as I have loved you.”

He doesn’t say,

“Love those that do the same things you do’
Or ” Love those that are right.”
Or ” Love those that are just like you.”


He says ” Love like I do”

No matter what. Period.

Right or wrong.

Love .

Overwhelming love.

That’s always the right approach… Kinda like Jesus wants us to be.

#walkwithlove #writingmyheartout #myownwords

More of My Story

I’m reposting this from my friend. Ruthie Needs Coffee , because while I’m still on my journey with Covid.. I am fully aware of how blessed I am and determined to take even better care of my body and my soul.

“Oh hi this is your friendly reminder that natural immunity to COVID exists*; ignoring natural immunity is ethically, medically, and scientifically wrong, and informed consent is the bedrock of medical practice.

There are a whole lot of unvaccinated immune people who present a COVID threat to no one.

Language that says that any person is the enemy rather than the virus itself is reprehensible and should be condemned.

*Despite what some have claimed, there are over a dozen studies demonstrating that natural immunity is as strong if not better than vax immunity. Happy to share references if you need them.”

I’ve felt that certain people have judged decision and others have chosen to avoid me because of my choices. That’s okay. because as I’ve learned I’m not meant for everyone and everyone isn’t meant to be my friend, my client, my circle. That’s why I see treasure the ones that are. Down the line, in a few years time or sooner. We will learn more about the vaccinations. Let’s just be kind and walk with Love…

Holy Hot Mess, too!

The reason I don’t “borrow” books from the library or from friends.. words grab my attention and I begin writing in the margins and underlining paragraphs..
Years ago, Janet Mary Rozdil Moltzan , shared these wise words that actually gave me peace instead of anxiety, and taught me to let go “you’re not in control.. you never have been and you never will be”

That feels RIGHT… I’m only on this ride.. doing the best I can and letting go of the illusion that I’m in control or perfect

I’ve learned during my Covid journey just how imperfect I am and how messy life can be .., and you know what, I’m really glad I’m on this journey.. it’s not the road I would have chosen but this route sure has bought out the best and the worst in many ways.. It’s changed my views and made me stronger in many ways but not strong enough to resist the urge to write in brand new books!