Oh Lord have mercy, this popped up as I was drinking my coffee and the tears started rolling. Oh, how I miss Momma and Mema.. how I miss the cold cokes and sitting in the driveway shooting the bull, how I miss the phone calls.. “I made a pot of stew and prune cake… Bring those babies over here!” I miss getting to her house to find that they had gone shopping and saw something “that just had your name all over it”.. and I miss those hugs that made everything all better.
It is almost Mother’s day, which is the day I was born on.. and how I miss hearing my momma tell me-again and again- “I don’t need no present… You are my Mother’s day gift every day” Mema told me that I better not go ” bawling and squalling and carrying on” after she went to glory because she said that I had been so good to her and didn’t have no reason to. Maybe that’s the truth…. I loved her so much that one day when she was pulling out in the car , she grabbed my hand and said,” Jeanna, you love me too much … They might have to bury you with me when the time comes… You better remember those kids gonna need you to love on them enough for both of us! “ She was right…. I did love her too much.. and that’s one of the best things ever!
I wish I could call them up… I wish I could bring over my bundles and my girls and watch them love on them all. Instead.. I’m gonna try my best to be like my momma and Mema’… I’m gonna love too much, I’m gonna ” feel with both hands’ and I’m gonna spoil my babies rotten and make as many memories as I can so that when the Good Lord calls me to dance in glory, all of them will miss me like crazy and have stories to pass on to their own grandchildren… “Jamma was crazy… She would make us all sing ” TallyDah”and shake our booties and she would buy gifts for no reason and dip cookies in coffee… and she was always the first person to get up and dance and would squeeze you half to death. Call your momma. If you still can …
This here… Tears are rolling down my face … I have so many text messages that I’ve saved over the years because the words are balm to my soul, and inspire and encourage me and when I started my business, these messages helped me so much. During the “dark days” of my marriage, I saved some messages to remind me of what mattered the most to me. I also have several texts that are heartbreaking and I keep those to pray over and try to find peace in them. The texts and the words we say and write and listen to make deep and lasting impressions.
Just like the words we don’t say… Silence is an answer, too, and sometimes it’s just so loud.
Yesterday, I recieved a text that I immediately saved… The words boosted my spirits and strengthen my resolve and belief in myself.. And I really needed that.
The last words of Jesus.. How profound.. How beautiful … How hopeful…
Some of the last words from my Mema, my Daddy and my mom still hold me up in much the way Jesus’s words do .
There’s a song that goes like this..”let my words be few….” May the last words I speak be those of love, may the last texts I send be encouraging and inspiring and full of love and kindness. My hope is that when anyone scrolls messages recieved from me, or seen on Facebook, or Instagram, that they see a woman that loves deeply and screws up quite a bit but tries hard to be the woman she was created to be and gives God the glory.
Let the words of Jesus be a balm to your soul today and always. ☕ Below are the written words of another that inspired my own writing and the pictures that pierced my heart.
Jesus hung on the cross for six hours. He was crucified at 9am on Friday and died at 3pm. As He hung, He spoke seven times. Victims of crucifixion were often rendered mute due to the suffocation, so it was with great agony He would say anything to us at all. The most precious words made of red letters. Gold from Golgotha.
Make Courageous Commitments When making commitments, we need to be mindful of where they fit into our overall goals, objectives, and schedules. And we must consider how they fit into God’s overall plan and purpose for our lives. Once we’ve prayerfully considered these factors and are confident in our chosen direction, we must then avoid procrastination and take action. All the while, we should be diligent to analyze and prioritize our commitments on a regular basis, avoiding anxiety, and maintaining balance in our everyday lives and schedules.
Courageously analyze and prioritize your commitments by asking yourself the following questions:
What commitments have I made?
What commitments do I need to make?
Are there any commitments I need to eliminate?
How dedicated am I to my commitments? Prayerfully analyzing your commitments can mean the difference between success and defeat, peace of mind, and exhaustion. Interpret: God will give us everything we need to make courageous, God-honoring commitments. He promises to be with us along the way and will bless us in response to our dedication. Apply: Analyze and prioritize your commitments today. Make the ones God is encouraging you to make, eliminate the ones he’s encouraging you to eliminate, put aside procrastination, and take action. Pray: Father, give me wisdom and discernment regarding my commitments. Help me discern areas of my life where I am overcommitted or under committed. Grant me the ability to eliminate commitments that are not within your will and establish commitments that honor you.
☕☕ This is meant for me As I looked into tweaking my schedule to make more time for taking care of my body-a commitment that I know I must make in order to get my strength and balance back… I realize that all those other things were falling into place for this to happen without me feeling anxious or overwhelmed.
Finding balance in my life has been one of the lessons from Covid… and that is being strong and able to enjoy my bundles and my girls.. to be able to make memories and enjoy time with them. Training my body means saying “no* to wasting time and saying ” yes” to making time. It means that I let go of what isn’t providing results and find what I need. It means giving up temporary things for long term gains ..
That isn’t always easy but I know it’s what God is leading me to do…
Guarding my heart.. guarding my family.. guarding my time.. guarding my body.
That means opening my heart to love more-not less, it means making more time for my family, more time for my body . I want to be able to dance with Greg Mead again, and bend down to dig in the dirt with my girls and lift up Ruthie Jane without being afraid I’ll fall over.. I want to walk outside and play with the bundles without a struggle. I want to walk and find treasures at flea markets and move furniture without grasping the walls I want to say “yes” to having coffee and going to get margaritas and tacos without being afraid I’ll be mistaken for drunk before I’ve tasted my tequila!
I am choosing to listen to what has been placed on my heart… God will provide the details.
Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”
E p h e s i a n s 3
So, if He can do all these things and more, surely He can help you do more than you could have ever dreamed or thought you could do. If the odds are against you, take hope. God is in the business of using underdogs. And God wants to use an underdog just like you.
C H E W O N T H I S
What’s holding you back from being who God wants you to be? Is it your past? Your fears? What mindset or habit do you need to get rid of to begin to be used by God in ways you never thought possible?
P R A Y E R
Jesus, I thank you for empowering me to do the impossible. I trust that you want to use me and I’m giving you permission. Take what little I have and use it to out-perform what anyone thought was possible. I give you the glory and honor.
☕💙 Damn straight
Here I am, curled in the covers, reading and writing and sipping my coffee and realizing that’s habit that’s holding me back… I’m going to stop lingering over my second cup of coffee and reading and getting up for a longer workout in the mornings and for getting this body to do far more than anyone else expects
I’ve watched the videos that Daymond Patterson has taken of me and cried every time… But that’s also motived me even more
I’m making choices to place my body and my health at the top of the totem pole so that I can be the woman, the wife, the mom, and the Jamma that I was created to be.
I have a great team on my side that believes in me and pushes me… Just like God intends.
This is what I’ve held on to during this journey As I’ve struggled physically, I’ve found my faith becoming stronger and my gratitude endless.
I’ve reached some real turning points this past few days. Sunday was the first time since July that I drove to TjMaxx and went inside all by myself and shopped, then I went to Fresh- and walked all over the store trying to find what I needed. Monday I had training with Phu Lam and then had my kinesiology session with Daymond Patterson of The Raw Power Team then I had a Simple Man session on a client at Rockwall Body and Soul Massage and then my sons came and helped me get the room ready for Rebecca Joann Brumfield to work for 2 weeks! I came home after the hail and rain storm, exhausted and happy!
Yesterday I ran back into the store to get glasses and then did sessions, and finally stopped by to see my daughter, Kateley Lyons and love on my bundles for a minute. Then on the spur of the moment, I asked Riven if she would come with me , and she said, “yes!” She grabbed a bag, kissed her family and got in my car. We went to Aldi to pick up my grocery order and then headed home.. at the red light, I turned to her and said, “I haven’t driven with you in so long” “Not since I was 7!” she replied. Then she said, “sometimes your driving scares me…. But then it always has even before you got sick!”
Truth spoken… So I had to share stories of how my Mema would drive crazy, racing the teenage boys at the lights, taking the corners so fast that we would slide across the seats, singing all the while….I ain’t got nothing on that woman when it comes to scary driving… But I got this .. I have a future and a hope .. every day I’m getting stronger and that’s my intention so that I can dance with Greg again, pick up my bundles and girls and take them treasure hunting at places, have cookouts and go wherever I want without falling, and to live my life, mindful of my blessings and in awe of every step I take. It’s been a journey. . everything that has happened has taught me so much and I’m working out even harder with clear goals and expectations – to become the woman I was created to be! God has a plan and a purpose!
This is something else that I didn’t write but that hit my soul in such a way that I feel compelled to share here
It’s ironic because yesterday. I was watching a children’s movie and the Abuleta said to her granddaughter, “You can’t rush the future.”
So simple but so true
Just like Elle Browning words here,. There’s some simple wisdom that we can take to heart
When we grief deeply it means we loved deeply… and we must keep on loving… Even if, especially if we are fully aware that we will grief again.
“The future doesn’t have to be the same as the past’
Indeed, it doesn’t…
I don’t grief those that have gone to dance in glory because I know they left in love and were welcomed into love. I grief instead for love that’s withheld and changed by choices,.. it is what it is and I’m letting it go… And the future will not look like the past
This is a photo of me and my late brother, Brendan. It was taken by a good friend of mine, Irvin Kelly several years ago during one of our “just for fun” photo shoots in the basement of my old apartment. We used to love using Photoshop to “play with light.”
Why am I posting this today?
For a few reasons. One- even though Brendan died three years ago, I still grieve him deeply. I know that so many of you are also grieving different losses of your own, and I want to acknowledge that here.
In a FB Live this week I talked about how Covid has impacted many of us both personally and professionally, and that is a grief, too.
One concept that gives me comfort- our grief is connected to our capacity to love. We can only grieve the loss of something or someone that we have deeply loved.
And so ironically the antidote to grief and loss is not to cut off life, and to stop loving.
It’s actually to love more.
To surrender to the unknown.
To risk the exposure to even more future griefs because we allow ourselves to love so deeply and completely.
This is brave. It’s saying yes to more of life, which is a courageous act.
So this idea gives me comfort. Remembering that new things can be born. New experiences can be created. And the future doesn’t need to look exactly like the past.
I’m also sharing this from another friend, Ruthie Needs Coffee , because it’s also exactly how I feel. I’ve tried, Lord knows I’ve tried, but churches just don’t do it for me. .I feel closer to God when I’m not trying so damn hard to understand what another man has to say and I listen to what my Father has to say.
A few weeks ago I was reading a devotional and it said that God wants to be close enough that we can hear His whisper.. and tears rolled down my face as I thought .. “I need Him closer enough so I can read His lips”
Reading lips is the way I’ve always been able to understand .. I can’t hear ab whisper and shouts are actually even more difficult.. so I get close to people… I get into their hula hoop personal space and I read their lips..
God is never disappointed in my choice to get close enough to read His lips.. He doesn’t flinch or back up a step or two. He doesn’t ignore me or give me the ‘Readers Digest” version and He doesn’t leave me sitting there feeling as if I’ve wasted my time. He just loves me… and my coffee and covers and rambling words.. He sits close enough that I can read His lips and know exactly what He is saying to me.
Every year I make resolutions and promises for New Years… Some are good ones, and others aren’t .
This time it’s a little different.. no, let’s me honest… It’s VERY different. Since August of 2021, I’ve been on a journey.. a hard, beautiful, crazy and chaotic one.. and you know what? It’s changed me, it’s made me physically weaker and spiritually stronger where I’ve been focused for so long on just the opposite. God knew I needed this time to be still and be quiet and lose my illusions of control so that I could who He had created me to be. I’m passionate. I’m messy. I screw up. I fall down… a lot lately.. but I always get back up. I’m blunt.. Greg Mead has spent years telling me to be gentler… He wasn’t telling me to be less than myself, he was telling me to choose my words with compassion. I had to learn some real important lessons. I had to learn that my beautiful daughter was watching me and seeing herself.. and when I was critiquing my body, I was, in fact, criticizing hers, too. This is a hard truth.. but when I go into a dressing room to try on anything and she’s with me, I don’t even look in the mirror.. I look at her. Kateley Lyons is the mirror. She’s the one that I see when I look in the mirror.. and she’s the one that looks at me and sees who she’s becoming Damn. That’s me, too. Sometimes words pop out of my mouth and I wrestle with them. I get riled up and I shoot off, letting my emotions take over but you know what else I forgive. I don’t hold grudges, I never have. I’m not afraid… and that used to worry the tarnation out of my momma and my Mema but it has served me well. So, yeah. I’m not afraid of hard work and I’m not afraid of getting hurt, I’m not afraid of falling and I’m not afraid of jack shit except.. I’m afraid that I haven’t loved enough. I’m afraid I haven’t invited enough and I’m afraid I haven’t said, “yes” when I really wanted to. I’m afraid I’ve waited too long for that “special time” when I shouldn’t have.. I’m afraid that I cared too much what “others” would think it instead of what I really thought
So here I am.. kicking off the New Year with the truth of the matter.. I am a lot of things.. but above all, and most importantly, I’m created by God at this time and space.. to be the wife, the mom and the Jamma I am. I’m created to love more.. to create more . to be confident and strong in the body He’s blessed me with, I’m created to write and to speak and to touch with love, grit and grace. I’m created to guard my heart against anything that pulls me down and to guard those I love fiercely . I’m created for good works.. and to give God the glory Damn straight, that’s what I’m going to do .. come on 2022.. let’s do this beautifully, gracefully and well!
Usually I write long letters for Christmas.. Usually, we take family pictures at Walls Tree farm and usually I have tons of gifts wrapped up under the tree. Usually, my studio is decorated and my clients are greeted with candy canes and hot cocoa and usually I hand out boxes of cookies, too. Usually, I wear lots of eye makeup and add lashes just because.. and usually I’m running around from one place to another with a long list…. But this year hasn’t been “usual” for me at all. Maybe you don’t know me-yet-maybe you know OF me… Rockwall is still a small town in many ways.
I’m the deaf gal that writes a blog, walks on people (Ashiatsu babe), and dances on the square.. and usually I take it for granted that I can do all those things I am known for and love to do… But, this ain’t been an usual year and after I read this post by Amy Weatherly,I knew I had to share it here .
This has been one helluva year .. and this Christmas I’m not taking anything for granted- not the steps I can now climb, not the great taste of coffee and peanut butter cookies, not the giggles of children, not the steadfast love of a good man and wonderful kids, not the deep friendships and texts that kept me going. All those things that I usually took for granted, mean so much more this year. You know why? God took me out of my usual life style and let me learn-the hard way-just how blessed I am. Usually, I keep my faith to myself…. But during this past year, I’ve felt the constant presence of the Holy Spirit protecting me and healing me and pursuing me .. That’s not usual for me…. But then again, ain’t nothing been usual this year… So here we are .. Merry Christmas, y’all… Pull on your boots and do what’s right this season! Don’t take nothing for granted and love big much! Be unusually generous and compassionate to yourself and to others! Much love, Jeanna’ Mead
“After the year we’ve been through, I hope we’ve all learned that this is the season.
This is the season to actively pursue joy, and this is the season to intentionally choose peace. This is the season to forgive, and to do whatever you can to find some bandaids and a new perspective and soothing words to heal old wounds and patch up past scars.
This is the season to reach out, and to make fresh starts, and to chart a new path. This is the season to let drama go, and to loosen your grip on bitterness, and anger, and resentment. This is the season to tell somebody you love them. Right now. No waiting. No assuming they already know.
After all we’ve lost, I hope we’ve all learned that this is the season.
This is the season to give.
This is the season to be grateful, and to be good to each other—to our family, to our friends, to strangers across the world and strangers right here in our hometowns. This is the season to appreciate what we have, and who we have, and who we are.
This is the season to figure out what really matters, and to release whatever doesn’t. This is the season to hold hands, and come together, and invite more to the table and to appreciate how we all belong to each other. How we are all woven together and connected in this weird, wonderful tapestry of life.
This is the season to be careful with what you say, and how you say it because nobody is their best right now. We’re all a little heartbroken, and so we have to make a decision—do I add to the heartbreak? Do I continue the cycle, or do I add to the heartmending? Do I hurt, or do I help?
This is the season to share.
This is the season to figure out where you have some extra, and hand it out freely. This is the season to let vanities go, and to find courage, and to walk in total freedom.
This is the season to love.
And this is the season to listen, and learn cause somebody out there has a point-of-view that’s not at all like yours—and maybe it isn’t wrong, and maybe it isn’t right. Maybe it’s just different, and that’s okay. It’s nice to take a second to put on someone else’s shoes and understand them a little better. Maybe that’s the start of compassion, and maybe compassion is the start of coming together.
Maybe this isn’t the season to push people away after all. Maybe this is the season to pull people a little closer, and recognize the common threads that run through us all.
Maybe this is the season to do a little more of what Jesus did. ❤️
Jeanna' Soul 
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