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Sleepless Nights

Here’s another one

Sleepless nights

She can’t get warm

She’s feeling cold

In piles of blankets

Covered head to toe

Wearing black lace and a white tank

Mango oil on worn out legs

She should be sleeping

But she isn’t

Those that know her

Understand she’s fighting

Demons from the past

With all the strength she has

She dreams of a fight she lost long ago

But this time

She whispers

Though no one can hear

“I will win”

“I will win”

“I will win”

Until finally

In her dream

She stands

Wide awake

Covered with everything

But shame

And she knows

She did whatever it took

So she could win

Jeanna’ Mead

7 35 a.m. 4.30.20

http://www.rockwallbodyandsoulmassage.com

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Finally

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Words

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Storm

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Shelter Lessons

Shelter in Place has taught me some profound lessons.

I tend to learn things the hard way.. but I once do, I learn them well.

It is what it is and it becomes what we make of it.

I am surprised by a handful of things, shocked by a few, overwhelmed by one or two but it’s just part of it.

There’s a Paulo Coelho quote that has always inspired me…. I hope it inspires others as much as it does me.

One lesson I learned was that my body is only mine… I’ve had trainers and spent time and money learning from them and following the plans they have created for me.

But in the end of the day. It was my choice about what I did and what I ate.

My body reflects those choices.

I’ve been training myself the past month.. making mistakes and making strides. It’s my body. It’ll be my body after Shelter.

I’ve learned that things aren’t what they seem and that there are strangers that you didn’t expect.

I’ve learned to step away and let go and see what happens or doesn’t happen.

I’ve learned that I can not hold on to the past when the future is on the edge.

I’ve learned to forgive

I’ve learned to let go of what I had hoped for and accept what is.

I’ve learned not to regret anything … But to live with the lessons.

Life is short.

Make it beautiful.

#loveyourjourney #ShelterStrong2020 #writingmyheartout

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Another Woman

Another woman

Wrote these words

But this woman

Felt them

Like a slap in the face

A punch in the stomach

She knew the pain

All too well

She wrote her own words

Imagined herself

Walking with the stars in the sky

On a beach late at night

Sharing deep thoughts

Not the shallow ones at all

that’s the way it was

For the another woman

Seems like

👣💙 Jeanna’ Mead

9 40 a.m. April 28 2020

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Walk

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Stranger

There’s been a stranger in her bed

She had no idea

Thought she knew him well

After so many nights

But it all came tumbling down

Like a house of cards

She was shaken beyond words

Living a nightmare

That she couldn’t wake up from

She went over every conversation

Wondering how she missed the signs

Wondering when he crossed the line

How long it had been

Since he began to wear a mask

Hide behind a million excuses

She had no idea when he changed

Tried so hard to backtrack

To see what she might have missed

When did he become a stranger

A monster of a man

She shuddered to think of what must have gone thru his head

All those nights when he wouldn’t touch her

Made her wonder what was wrong

Doubt the way time had changed her

Placed the blame where it didn’t belong

She screamed and she collapsed

In such despair

That she had ever loved a stranger

The way she had

It was more than she ever imagined she could handle

But somehow she found out

That she was a helluva a woman

Stronger than the stranger

She would pack up and take off

Leave the past where it belonged

He was the stranger

She had no way to know

But she wasn’t about to pay the price

Any more

He had left his marks

Scars upon her soul

But that was the last time

The stranger would lay down beside her

Jeanna’ Mead

7 32 a.m. April 28,2020

http://www.jeannasoul.com

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In The Morning

Well. I might hate myself

In the morning

Wonder why I did what I did

But tonight I’m feeling like it’s worth it

To do what I’m doing

This makes me feel like myself

Back to who I am inside

When I throw caution to the winds

Jump in with both feet

Give in to temptation

Without a second thought

Or backward glance

It may come back and haunt me

I might beat myself up

Later on, I just might

Time will tell

And I might hate it in the morning

But I sure don’t think I will

Cause I damn sure love the way it feels tonight

Just as it was meant to be this way

So I’m gonna milk it for all it is worth

Shake it off and make it count

It’ll either be

A lesson learned or a good time had

I’ve learned that I can make it through the night

No matter what I think

And when the morning finally breaks

That’s when it goes to show

If the way I loved at night

Was right or wrong

💙👣https://open.spotify.com/track/6dWGSm15Vj6m7qLKEO85ZN?si=oI4d3YGiSnCMFKmotT5THw

Jeanna’ Mead

8 44 p.m April 25.2020

\ww.jeannasoil.com

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Rainbow

This verse was on my mind yesterday as I drove into Rockwall for groceries. After a trip to Aldi and then Kroger to get what I needed, I headed down John king listening to the playlist that a friend had sent me . The song, Rainbow. Was playing and I was loving the music and the drive.

Then .. my tire blew out… I pulled into a turn lane.. got out and checked the damage then sat in my seat… Wondering who to call … Before I could even call my daughter, this gentleman pulled up in a Lexus SUV and asked if I needed a hand.
Here we are Shelter In Place.. all these 6 ft distance… Etc…
That didn’t matter to neither of us.
He handled my groceries from the back of my car.. Acting as if this was a pleasure and not a nuisance….
He had his bandana around his neck so that I could read his lips…. We stood shoulder to shoulder while I held up the liner and he took my spare out, my tools, my tire jack…… He changed my tire and put all my tools back in proper place and then I reached out to shake his hand and then, I couldn’t help myself… I hugged him and he hugged me back.
I told him that he encouraged me so much by his quick response and willingness to help someone he didn’t even know.
He didn’t have a spirit of fear… But of love for a fellow human, the power to fix S problem and the sound mind to do what was good and right. He chose to fill a need… To show love.

He didn’t have to but he did.

I told him that I had to close my business March 10 and that I had been wrestling with so many thoughts but that the way he came along, he turned my flat tire into a blessing in disguise.

He reminded me that we are not created to live in fear but to act with love, strength and courage.

I was home before my popsicles melted… That’s how fast everything happened… But I’ll remember this for ab long, long time.