Deaf and Blind

I’ll just come right out and say it as clear as I can.  

I’m deaf and blind.

I was told, “Jeanna’,don’t be blinded.” because I disagreed with several women in a post about knowing the heart of another person.

Well, when well-meaning, holy rollers start quoting scripture and verse, claiming to know what the “real truth” is then I’m going to pull on my boots, walk away and let them think they had the last word.

But the truth is, I’m really just choosing to be deaf and blind.

Blind to the self-righteous accusations and finger-pointing. Blind to the veiled questions,the double standards,the hypocrisy that I see all too often.

I’m going to be deaf-really deaf to the words that slander and tear apart people, to the gossip disguised as prayers, to the nay-sayers that are so quick to point out another’s wrongs while sugar coating their own.

Lord, have mercy, I believe in those words written in red, especially those that command very clearly to “love one another as I have loved you.” and all those about how God created heaven and earth and all that is within it. 

I can’t quote scripture by chapter and verse and I’m impressed but not intimidated by those that can.  You see, God gives each of us different gifts- some get the gift of memorizing and others get the gift of touch, some people get the gift of vision and others the gift of understanding and so on and on.

Back before Christmas, I was listening to this preacher man and he pulled up this verse and i decided right then and there that verse was going to be my verse.

It’s Luke 2:19…and here it goes.

“Mary held these things in her heart and thought about them often.”

Well, there you go- clear and simple. “Held these things in her heart.”

That tells me that we can hold things in our hearts-without broadcasting on social media,without tattle-telling, without making a big scene and pushing our beliefs on others.

We can hold what really matters in our hearts and think about it often. We can hold the things we wrestle with and the things we pray about in our hearts. We can hold it, think about it and know that God in the heavens knows our hearts far better than we do.

We can choose to love more, to find the goodness in people, to seek out the beauty and radiance and to be deaf and blind to anything that takes away from that.

I can’t claim, like those women did, to know the heart of anyone else.  While they claimed that the woman they were jumping on didn’t KNOW God, all I could think was this- “God knows HER” and that’s the bottom line, only God knows what each of us holds in our hearts, only God knows how much we love,who we love and how we feel and that’s good enough for me.

I will hold these things in my  heart, and write the words that come tumbling out  and I know that I may be accused of being blind and deaf but I sure won’t be accused of not loving and in the end that’s all that’s necessary.

So I’ll leave you with a song that came to mind…take it away…..

https://open.spotify.com/track/1oxxjnha9ceWHO443oSVRk?si=HBtbrZdYRoKn-yjYvgMGnw

Bright Pink Scarf

Week after week

on Sunday mornings

I show up

Walk right through the door

get another cup of coffee

and take a seat

down as close as I can be

just like I’m supposed to do

holding my head up high

holding AVA tight

None of the church ladies

and certainly not the men

have ever said a word

more than a half hearted “hello”

and I can’t quite figure out

the real reasons why

Maybe it’s because I can’t hear

maybe they just don’t care

maybe I’m not the type

they want around

Heaven knows 

 I sure  don’t try

hard at all

But just this one time

a lady said, 

” I like your bright pink scarf”

and I didn’t hear

because she stood 

so far away

like most people tend to do

If it wasn’t for the man

that sits beside me

week after week

on Sunday mornings

I never would have known

Sometimes I just have 

to stop and think

count my many blessings

know that God alone

knows everything

and loves me just the same

He knows this bright pink scarf

isn’t just fabric wrapped around my neck

it’s a gift from a kindred spirit

that always sits besides me

lip syncs lyrics

loves me just the way I am

and when I’m wearing

something I’ve been given

I’m wearing love and acceptance

and I feel it

down in my soul

like a kiss from heaven

little bit of lovin’

standing out and set apart

like my bright pink scarf

Happiness

Paulo Coelho-  “Happiness is getting rid of the unnecessary”

I find such wisdom in this sentence..such freedom in a few well chosen words and such a desire to follow through on it.

Happiness is indeed getting ride of the unnecessary.  I look in my closet- clothes I don’t love, shoes I never wear and I put them into a bag to give away.

I open the cabinet drawers and take out anything that’s cracked or chipped and I toss it.

Over the next few days before the beginning of the New Year, I’m going to clear the closets, the drawers, the cabinets of anything that is no longer beautiful to me, useful to me, or good for me.

I want to open things and see only what is good and purposeful, nothing that is half broken but serviceable, nothing that is just “okay” but not “good”.

I’m also doing a spiritual journey…seeking out the people and places that belong in my life and letting go of those that don’t.

Maybe they did once upon a time, but not now…maybe they will once again, but not now.

This isn’t easy, but I’ve realized that I know my body and my soul so very well and when I listen, and pay attention, it whispers to me, “Let go. Go on. Speak up. Hold on. Lean forward. Step out. Slow down. Pay attention.”

Part of this impacts others and sometimes it’s hard to stand up for what my heart tells me but the time has come..it always had been there, but it’s clear to me now that I can and should make these choices and seek the happiness that comes from doing what’s necessary and good.

Letting go of what’s unnecessary frees up room in my closet, in my cabinets and, most of all, in my heart for all that really is necessary.

Wild Heart

As I head into the room to create

the things on my my list

My boots are on my feet

and my jeans hug my hips

I’m wearing a shirt

that says it all,

“Listen with all that you have”

I find myself praying

like my momma used to do

just talking on to Jesus

as if he was in the room

I’m feeling overwhelmed

and under loved

an emotional roller coaster

that I can’t get off of

The tears come

for no good reason

in between the smiles 

and rambunctious laughter

so I’m just talking on to Jesus

telling what I want

 Come on, Lord,have mercy

 keep me wild and broken

open and loving,

tender and strong,

adventuresome and still content

blissful and hopeful,

giving and gracious, 

wise and curious,

 forgiving and accepting. 

Let my body dance,

please, Lord, let me dance

Let my soul explore

  Let me dare to live my dreame

  chase my own wild heart.  

And let me ride

this roller coaster of life

with my arms raised high

Anyways

she got the news

long awaited

much desired

unbelievable

tears filled her eyes

rolled down her face

and she wrapped her arms

around herself

letting her heart believe

that all the things

that came to be

were finally going 

to have a purpose

far beyond what she 

used to believe

She felt the joy of the moment

the journey just beginning

all the times

she had doubted

that her words were worth

came down to the simple

invitation that said so much

such long awaited news

so desired 

unbelievable

but true

anyways

Glow

If only I could see me

the way you see me

everything would be different
I keep the lights on

because the darkness

hides your lips

and I can’t, 

for the life of me,

 understand a word you say
But the same light 

that lets me see

to read

shows everything 

I wish I could keep

hidden in the dark
You see my imperfections

the scars on my body

the way time hasn’t

always been so kind
it’s a double edged sword

a battle that I fight

day in and night out

trying so damn hard

to see beauty in the ages

embrace the changes

to keep on dancing

with all the broken pieces

to glow in the light

and not hide in the dark
I look in the mirror

remembering so well

when the reflection

showed a different woman

a different time
if I could only see me

the way you see me

everything would be

so different
I would look beyond

the imperfections 

straight to the heart

of the matter
and I just might be able

to glow in the dark

from the light in your eyes
💗Jeanna’ Mead

6 25 a.m. 12-10-17

http://www.jeannasoul.com