“Don’t focus on what you only have left because it could be one more minute or 50 more years.”
I was messaging with my friend and colleague, Helen Patterson, about getting together soon and then we shared a little about what was happening in our lives and our businesses.
I told her that I thought one of her friends, Rachelle, was being very brave in her recent posts and podcasts.
Helen told me that Rachelle had struggled but had made amazing progress and had chosen to share her story so other women could get it.
In just over a month, I’ll be celebrating another birthday, and, every now and then, it hits me hard.
“Can I really be that old?!”
“Where did the time go?”
“Do I have another 30,40,50 good years in me?”
“Am I strong enough, pretty enough, good enough?”
“Am I aging gracefully?”
“How can I FEEL like I’m only 34 but be twenty years older?”
“I am just getting started, do I have time to do everything I want to do?”
Those are the things that go through my mind when I’m training or doing a massage or writing out my hopes and plans.
These are the thoughts that tumble around when I’m standing in front of the mirror looking at my body, and catching glimpses of my soul in my eyes.
Helen’s words hit me straight in my heart-simple, direct, profound.
“Don’t focus on what you only have left because it could be one more minute or 50 more years.”
Damn straight.
This past year, every since Covid came roaring like a dragon, scaring us into taking Shelter In Place and having mandates for masks and social distancing, people have chosen to live with such precautions, limitations and fear.
They have stopped seeing family members, stopped celebrating holidays, stopped getting together for birthdays and Sunday dinners.
I get it. I really do. They are afraid they will get Covid.
But, here’s the thing…..I did, too, in the beginning. I stayed home, did Shelter In Place. Took off my clothes in the garage if I went anywhere, santized my house and my hands and my car over and over.
We didn’t celebrate last Easter… no baskets, no gifts, no Easter dresses, no family dinner. It was heartbreaking.
We did it because that’s what we were told to do and expected to do.
Then it hit me- really hit hard.
What I was doing-what we were all doing- was taking away precious time, giving away chances, missing opportunities, losing out.
In an attempt to prolong our lives, we gave up what made life worth living.
I know people that stopped seeing their children and grandchildren because they were afraid of Covid.
Others haven’t left their home because the ones that love them are so afraid that they will lose them.
It’s became a game of chance, of control, of hedging the bets, of making deals with God.
“I’ll stay away from everyone…. But you better add another year to my life now that I’ve given up this year.”
“I am doing all this…. so I better not get sick from Covid or anything else.”
“Here’s the deal, I’m going to follow all these rules, do everything by the book… and then I’ll be safe, right?”
Maybe so…but, I can’t help but think of it this way.
Only God knows the number of our days.
People still die from heart attacks, in car accidents, in senseless tragedies. People lose their battles with cancer, with mental illness, with other congestive, chronic sickness.
All we have is this minute…. and maybe another fifty years.
Like my friend, Helen, said, “Don’t focus on what you only have left because it could be one more minute or 50 more years”
I think that’s what’s happening, though. People have been focusing so hard on to stay here and not to be left or to leave that they have not lived!
I stopped doing that way back in May when I reopened the doors to my massage studio, Rockwall Body and Soul Massage.
I practice universal safety and sanitize procedures, but I touch people. There’s no social distancing in massage and that’s one of the beautiful things about it.
I don’t wear a mask. I have to read lips so people that come to see me express such a sense of relief when I tell them they can remove their masks.
I’ve spent so much precious time with my children, and my girls and my bundles.
I’ve been busy creating memories, making damn sure they feel loved and wanted and needed.
I’ve kissed and cuddled, shook hands and embraced. I’ve wiped tears and stroked faces.
I’ve gone to breakfast, to lunch and to dinner.. I’ve met friends for drinks at the bar, sat outside on patios sipping margaritas and listening to music.
I’ve gone dancing and I danced with anyone that asked.
I go to the gym almost every single day. I meet with my trainer, Phu, and we hold hands constantly. He places his hands on my body, I hold his legs when he stretches me. We have a comfortable intimacy. I know he’ll catch me when I stumble and he knows when to let me do my own thing.
My focus is on living every single minute of my life to the fullest.
I don’t know and neither does anyone else if I only have this minute or if I’ll have fifty more years.
I do know this much for sure.
I will not bide my time, waiting for something to be done with, or to run it’s course.
That’s not what my focus is going to be about.
I’ll do everything in my power to stay healthy and to keep my family, my friends and my clients healthy, too.
Those are the things that I can control, but life… whether it’s one more minute or fifty more years, like I hope for, is going to be spent living every single second of it!
I don’t want to have any regrets… no second guessing.. no missed kisses… no holding back.
I am planning on meeting my friend, Helen, soon. I am planning on drinking that bottle of wine that James gave me with him. I’m celebrating Easter this year with my family and for my birthday, in just over a month, I’m going to savor every single bite of that chocolate sheet cake and love on everybody that comes near me.
Just like my wise and wonderful friend, Helen, told me to do.
👣♥️ Jeanna’ Mead
8 14 a.m. April 3 2021
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