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Anticipation and Gratitude

I come out here

surrounded by my favorite things

and I open my heart

anticipation

come what may

bring my life 

what it needs

surprise me with generosity

butterflies and blooms

kindred spirits 

words that come

tumbling

I will begin

each day

filled this way

with anticipation

and I will come again

in the evening

as day gives an embrace to night

I’ll thank the stars above

generously

for fireflies and breezes

kindred spirits that came in

cups of coffee shared

and the chance to dance

on that ragged edge

surrounded by my favorite things.

👣💗 Jeanna’ Mead

9 32 a.m.  5-8-18

http://www.jeannasoul.com

Choose to be love, Create A Ripple Effect, Daily Prompt, Deaf Massage Therapist, Heart to heart, Jeanna' Soul, Uncategorized, writers with soul, Writing

This Is What It Looks Like

I hear it all the time, ” You don’t look your age,” and I have always just smiled and took it for a compliment but yesterday I got to thinking .. and I realized something about what that meant.

This is what it looks like.

There ya go. That is it.   Isn’t this something that stops us in our tracks .. keeps us from doing what we want … those words…. “what it looks like” holds us captive, doesn’t it?

I know so good and well what those words do to people and to me.

“This is what it looks like.”

As a woman with a severe hearing loss, I have to be careful -all the time- that I don’t stand too close to someone and give the wrong impression.. because of “what it looks like”  to others that may not realize that I am trying to read lips.   Sometimes when I am with those that know me well, I forget to be mindful of “what it looks like” to those outside my tribe untill I see that all-too-familiar look in their eyes that gives away the thoughts that crosses their mind over and over again.. “what does this look like,what will people think?”

So I back off a few steps and I tuck my hands in my pockets or cross my arms, to hold back my natural tendency to touch as I speak and lay my hands on someone while I’m listening. 

After all, I get it, really, I do. 
 We live in a culture that is so visual, so hooked so social norms, on fitting into perfect places and leaving nothing to chance, to be open to interpretation. 

It is so much easier when things look like we think they should… even when they aren’t.

A good example happened to me again today.  While checking out at Target, I walked out without one of my sacks and loaded my car.  This young guy came up and tapped me on   the shoulder and said,  “I was calling for you, ma’am, you left this.”  and when I smiled and thanked him and explained that I couldn’t hear him unless he was close enough to touch.. he said something I hear all the time. “That”s okay,but, you don’t look like you have a hearing problem.”

I don’t, do I?

After all, what does someone with a hearing problem look like?  Would a hearing aid give me away or maybe a cochlear implant?  Would it be helpful if the deaf and hearing impaired worn bracelets like the  yellow LIVESTRONG  or the pink Breast Cancer bracelets?   Maybe a little dog-tag on a chain hanging from our necks so that somone will see that and immediately know, “There is one of those deaf people.”

That is what it looks like, after all.

But things are not always what they look like.

That couple you see comparing wines at the grocery store may very well just be strangers sharing a few minutes of laughter and a common ground before  parting ways to never cross paths again.  

But then again, they may be business associates planning The next event.

The older lady sitting alone at the cafe lost in thought may have just lost her husband and that is why she didn’t respond  like she usually does. She isn’t  hard of hearing no matter what it looks like. She hears just fine, thank you very much, but she just wasn’t in the mood to chit-chat just yet.  That exhausted man at the park with the talkative toddler isn’t a divorced dad putting in his mid-week visitation. He wishes it was that simple, but it’s not.  The truth is, he’s been balancing his job, his daughter and a bed-ridden wife for several months now.

But that isn’t what it looks like.

Back to this all over again.  If we are always so concernd about what it looks like instead of what we KNOW and what we feel then we are falling into that very same trap that holds so many back and afraid of stirring the proverbial pot.

I wonder, though, if we stopped thinking so hard about what it looks like and instead just decided to take each situation, each encounter with an open mind and a heart that dares to see beyond what it looks like and  to see what it really is and what it could be.

Maybe, we would stand closer and touch more often. Maybe we would lean forward without second guessing what the people two tables over will think.  Maybe we would strike up a conversation with that guy looking for wine without thinking that it will be inappropiate.  Maybe we would hold hands.. maybe we would ask someone if they would like to have lunch or see if they would like to walk to the square for a drink. Maybe we would get up and dance. Maybe we would stop by and see an old friend again without wondering what it would look like to someone else. Maybe we would regret less and live more.

There aren’t really any easy answers to this and I knew that before I started writing my heart out but I know this much for sure- things are not always what they look like and there is always so much more to know, to discover, to learn.

But this is what it looks like. …..and, yes, I really am this age…this is what it looks like to be this age… when you are me, anyway!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

writers with soul

Happiness

Paulo Coelho-  “Happiness is getting rid of the unnecessary”

I find such wisdom in this sentence..such freedom in a few well chosen words and such a desire to follow through on it.

Happiness is indeed getting ride of the unnecessary.  I look in my closet- clothes I don’t love, shoes I never wear and I put them into a bag to give away.

I open the cabinet drawers and take out anything that’s cracked or chipped and I toss it.

Over the next few days before the beginning of the New Year, I’m going to clear the closets, the drawers, the cabinets of anything that is no longer beautiful to me, useful to me, or good for me.

I want to open things and see only what is good and purposeful, nothing that is half broken but serviceable, nothing that is just “okay” but not “good”.

I’m also doing a spiritual journey…seeking out the people and places that belong in my life and letting go of those that don’t.

Maybe they did once upon a time, but not now…maybe they will once again, but not now.

This isn’t easy, but I’ve realized that I know my body and my soul so very well and when I listen, and pay attention, it whispers to me, “Let go. Go on. Speak up. Hold on. Lean forward. Step out. Slow down. Pay attention.”

Part of this impacts others and sometimes it’s hard to stand up for what my heart tells me but the time has come..it always had been there, but it’s clear to me now that I can and should make these choices and seek the happiness that comes from doing what’s necessary and good.

Letting go of what’s unnecessary frees up room in my closet, in my cabinets and, most of all, in my heart for all that really is necessary.

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Anyways

she got the news

long awaited

much desired

unbelievable

tears filled her eyes

rolled down her face

and she wrapped her arms

around herself

letting her heart believe

that all the things

that came to be

were finally going 

to have a purpose

far beyond what she 

used to believe

She felt the joy of the moment

the journey just beginning

all the times

she had doubted

that her words were worth

came down to the simple

invitation that said so much

such long awaited news

so desired 

unbelievable

but true

anyways

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THANKSGIVING WITH AVA

On November 20 of 2012, I wrote this because I’ve always been frustrated by gatherings because of my hearing loss.

AVA -The Audio Visual Accessibility app has changed this. I’ll be able to sit outside around the campfire and understand the stories. I’ll be able to participate in family board games without feeling like a burden. I’ll be part of life!

Do you even understand how grateful I am?
I’m sharing my journal posts again because sometime I need to remind myself..and others of what I’m thankful for
“I may not always understand every word you say, but I will always understand how you make me feel.  I may misunderstand your words sometimes, but I will never 

misunderstand your patience and  kindness.  I may need to stand closer than others do. but I do it so I can  understand you better… The way I look at you is on purpose.. so I can read your lips, see your expression and follow your body language -it is all part of the way I communicate.  Please, don’t insult me by saying ” never mind” if I ask you to repeat…and don’t give me the “readers digest” version of the story.   Please, let me turn the lights on, let me look at you.. choose a table where I can be part of things… or don’t ask me to come….  Look straight at me, get close, talk and I promise to listen with my full attention…  because that is what you deserve and what I do too.  .Just in time for Thanksgiving… this is for all those who make me feel valued.. and those that don’t..”

C.A.R.E, Cast Your Stone, Choose to be love, Create A Ripple Effect, Daily Prompt, Deaf Massage Therapist, Heart to heart, Jeanna' Soul, kindred spirits, Make Love, massage, Massage with Soul, writers with soul, Writing

Trick And Treat

👣💗 Inspired by Paulo Coelho: “It is easy to be a hater. Go for the difficult task: be a lover.”

There’s a trick

she’s still learning 

the hard way

But years ago, she wrote

a simple prayer in a poem

” Let my heart be broken

torn into pieces

bring me to my knees

Let my heart be open”

And now she sees 

quite clearly

that she wouldn’t do it

any other way

she’ll still choose to love

when it’ll be easier to turn away

she’ll still treat others

as if she’ll be treated the same

she’ll still hold open

the doors and the invitation

although it’s been closed on her

many times before

She’ll still choose

to let her heart be broken

than to regret the chance

She’ll still go forward

though others hold back

It’s a trick

she’s learning

 the hard way

But she can’t be any different

since she had asked.after all.

to let her heart be broken

torn into pieces

and filled up

patched well

etched and engraved

with love.

..
Jeanna’ Mead

11 01. 10/31/17

http://www.jeannasoul.com