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Bad Romance

Two weeks ago, I had a new client finally come in to see me.

We had interacted on social media for months and I knew he was following me on my posts on Facebook and Instagram.

This is how it is with First Responders and Veterans. They take their time, learning about who I am and what I do before they come into my place and receive bodywork.

It takes time. It takes trust. It doesn’t happen overnight. It can’t be rushed.

I know this and I just let it come when it does. I open the door to communicate and I let them gaze at the door as long as it takes before they walk across the threshold and into my space.

And I’m ready when they do.

Most of the time.

I’m not always prepared, though, for everything that happens.

You see, while I have the door open so I can gain their trust, something else happens.

I become known. I become seen. I become vulnerable. I get touched in all kinds of ways.

And sometimes it reminds me of who I was and who I need to be.

Days after his session, my client sends me this video with the comment,”The girl on the right reminds me of you.”

I clicked it.

I was transfixed.

It was like looking in the mirror, seeing myself again.

Me.

The girl I was. The woman I am.

Tears ran down my face.

I watched it again and again.

The hair.

The dress.

The color.

Everything.

I got home and walked into my closet.

I have a dress almost exactly like that, still.

I turned on the music, really, really loud.

I begin to dance.

Again.

I caught my reflection in the mirror.

I was smiling.

The big, real, genuine Jack O’Lantern smile that Mema always said gave me away.

“Gave me away.”

That’s what it is… Some things just give you away, give away your passions, your pleasures, your so-called “buttons” that only people that take the time to watch and see, listen and learn, find out about you.

It’s a romance in many ways.

I know that it’s a give and take, to give fully, one must be willing to receive fully, too.

An open door goes both ways.. One can come in and one can go out.

One can see inside and one can be seen from outside.

I know my client doesn’t realize the gift he gave me when he sent the video.

It is a gift, though, in a very beautiful way.

He reminded me of what one of my heart desires is, of something I had pushed way back and let go of.

I needed this reminder so very much.

It made me stop and think and write down what I wanted and needed in my life.

To be known and loved.

To know and love.

To dance on the edge.

To dance again.

To open doors.

To come back.

To go forward.

Bad romances and all.

To be the woman in the dress, dancing my heart out.

👣♥️ Jeanna’ Mead

938 a.m. 11.26.19

http://www.jeannasoul.com

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Summer Falls

She just couldn’t believe

It was almost over

Summer became fall

And all the things she had hoped to do

She never had the chance

It seemed like everytime

She thought she might

The opportunity passed

So summer became fall

And she hadn’t swam at all

Or took the day

To treasure hunt

In flea markets and vintage shops

She didn’t get to pitch a tent

Or sleep beneath the stars

Margaritas on the beach

Weren’t on the list of things she did

As summer became fall

Instead she travelled

Down a familiar road

Into the depths of her own soul

She dreamed and she wrote

Gave the touch she longed to receive

She stood naked and alone

And made her peace

With the reflection she called her own

She discovered truth and strength

A courage she hadn’t always known

As summer became fall

She stopped expecting to be known

To be understood or seen

And realized that was going to be just fine anyway

It took too much time

Too much effort

And way too much insight

As summer became fall

So she looked wistfully

At her journal

With all the things she had planned

Marked “Summer of 18”

And crossed it out with red

She vowed to be ready

Her body and her soul

So that when spring became summer 2019

She’ll be more than ready

And all the pit-up chaos

The desires and plans

The moonlight strolls

Dark brown skin and turquoise bikinis

Margaritas on the beach

Camping by the streams

Card games and cook outs

On a patio

Will finally come true

The next time

Summer became fall

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On Cue

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She Wrote

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AVA C.A.R.E Cast Your Stone Choose to be love Create A Ripple Effect Daily Prompt deaf girl Deaf Massage Therapist Heart to heart kindred spirits Make Love Massage with Soul writers with soul Writing

Desire

It seems to me

That my desires change

From day to day

Moment by moment

Sometimes I desire

Peace and quiet

Solitude….a chance to write

Outside on the patio

Surrounded by nature

Other times I can’t wait

To feel the music

Beneath my feet

And dance all night

The pleasure of company

Loved ones with me
On cold days,I so desire

 A crackling fire

Cup filled with cocoa

Fresh baked cookies

Books to read

But as soon as it warms up

The things  change

And I desire 

Juicy peaches and mangos

Fresh squeezed lemonade

Coconut oil rubbed on my skin

Feet plopped in the sand

There are times when i desire

Nothing but an embrace

And other times I can never get enough

Of my love language of touch

I might desire to slip away 

Unnoticed 

A wisp in the air

Another times I make sure

My desires were made clear

The only thing 

That’s never changed

Is my desire

To be me. 

Jeanna’ Mead

5 39a.m. 3.4 17