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Wild Heart

As I head into the room to create

the things on my my list

My boots are on my feet

and my jeans hug my hips

I’m wearing a shirt

that says it all,

“Listen with all that you have”

I find myself praying

like my momma used to do

just talking on to Jesus

as if he was in the room

I’m feeling overwhelmed

and under loved

an emotional roller coaster

that I can’t get off of

The tears come

for no good reason

in between the smiles 

and rambunctious laughter

so I’m just talking on to Jesus

telling what I want

 Come on, Lord,have mercy

 keep me wild and broken

open and loving,

tender and strong,

adventuresome and still content

blissful and hopeful,

giving and gracious, 

wise and curious,

 forgiving and accepting. 

Let my body dance,

please, Lord, let me dance

Let my soul explore

  Let me dare to live my dreame

  chase my own wild heart.  

And let me ride

this roller coaster of life

with my arms raised high

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On Cue

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Grace of God

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Set Me Apart

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Another Day

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Take Me There

“Take me there.”

…most people just say “It was amazing!” or “I had a great time.” and ” It was really nice.”…etc

But , then, there are the ones that can literally take me wherever they are because they use words in such descriptive ways that I, too, can feel the pounding of their heart as they skied down the slope, crashing into the snow and catching the eye of their daughter……I can almost hear the stories shared around the fireplace as glasses.of wine are refilled again and again. I can feel the energy of.the day that eased into a night of simple pleasures.

I was taken to the front rows of an spectacular performance, where grace and strength, talent and skill kept the audience on the edge of their seats.  I sat on my chaise, miles away….. transfixed and almost able to taste the energy of the place. 

I was taken to the bar where soldiers sang karaoke, celebrating a milestone birthday…..and to the reservation where a man received a life changing massage which lead him to become a therapist, too. 

I have tasted delicious food in Austin……and have never been to the restaurant. I’ve sipped coffee at a French cafe….but I’ve never been overseas.

I felt the people walk past me, smelled the hot dogs on the corners and yet I’ve never been to Chicago.

I laid on the floor and watched a baby squeal and kick and play from hundreds of miles away.
It’s all in the way you use your words, in the pictures you create, in the things you choose to share.

“Take me there ” really means to let me be part of what you feel, let me know you and, then, maybe we’ll take each other there.

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Woman

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Feel with both hands, Jeanna’

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it’s Been Said

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Feel with both hands, Jeanna’

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Read Between The Lines

She drew an imaginary line
Dividing who she was
And who she’s becoming
She used to be satisfied
Crumbs instead of feasts
A peck on the cheek
Pat on the back
A few kind words
Once in awhile
A little bit of loving
Was just enough

Then bit by bit
And day by day
She began to see
It wasn’t  too much
It was just more
Than she had ever expected before
Though it seemed like
It was perfectly clear
Maybe you should have
Read between the lines
Listened to her heart

She wants something
To hold on to
When you’re not there
A hand written letter
Handcrafted card
A token from
Where ever you were
To show she came to mind

A glass of wine on the patio
A cup of coffee
For no reason at all
A slow dance
A little romance
She wants to be known

She wants to pull on
Memories
Layer on love
Wrap herself in the warmth
Of a lasting relationship

She wants to look
And see
That there is love
Engraved
In more than
Just her heart
She wants more

She wants pieces of you
To have and to hold

Feel with both hands, Jeanna’

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Bogey Bears and Fairy Tales

Once upon a time, I believed in fairy tales and bogey bears. .
I was a rambunctious.free spirited child and.at the end of the day, I would climb into bed and talk about everything I could possibly come up with so I wouldn’t have to go to sleep.
My Mema had to come up with something to settle me down and so she would lay beside me, sneak her hand beneath the pillow and tap my headboard.
Tap, tap,tap.
“You better be quiet and still,Jeanna’,…you better go to sleep..the bogey bear is  coming….hush,hush,hush”

I would giggle and squirm because I knew it was her,but there was a part of me that believed if I was very,very quiet and still,the bogey bear would never find me.

“Quiet and still” was almost impossible for me back then,and,to this day.it’s hard for me to sit still and be quiet when I want to get up and dance,or walk away,to speak my mind or write my words.

But, I’ve grown up-just enough-to realize that being “quiet and still” is sometimes the very best thing we can do.

You see, the bogey bear is real.  He comes sneaking in to steal our joy,to fill us with doubts and fear, and he plays on our insecurities,making us feel inferior. He wears many different disguises,and sometimes we don’t even realize it’s a bogey bear until we feel the tight grip crushing our spirit.

The bogey bear uses words like powerful weapons; “You’re too much!”
“You’re not enough!”
“You can’t do this!”
“You don’t matter!”
“You don’t belong!”

Those words are uttered by classmates, by so-called friends,by family members and co-workers …..but the real sting is when we say those words to ourselves,becoming our own worst enemy,our personal bogey bear.

That’s when we need to become quiet and still, to take the time to reflect on who we really are and what matters to us.

I discovered Paulo Coelho’s book “The Alchemist” during a critical time in my life when my heart was breaking and my body didn’t feel like it belonged to me anymore. 
His well written words were a balm for my spirit,giving me courage and strength to begin banishing the bogey bears in my life.
I began making changes-cutting off my long hair,hiring a personal trainer and taking care of my body.
Then,as I read and reflected,I realized that I needed to use my hearing loss to my best advantage, becoming very selective about who I listened to and who I shared my words with. 
I had to step away from some relationships and cultivate others that really “got me”.

The last year that I stayed in the place that wasn’t meant for me, I would guard my heart closely, staying only when needed, staring out the windows while working,knowing that I wouldn’t feel free until I was on my own.
I shared my dream with just a few people and those people became my fairy tale heroes.

“You can do this!”
“You have what it takes!”
“You are the best!”
“I believe in you!”

Those words begin to sink in,to fill me up and to give me back my power,my faith,and my resolve to be exactly the woman that I’ve always knew God intended me to be.

I’m not meant to fit in, or be like anyone else. I am blessed with a hearing impairment which means I can only understand those that come close enough so that I can read their lips.
That means they are also close enough for me to reach out and touch,which is what I’ve always been called to do.
I’m the “touchy feely” person-I hug too tight, plant kisses on cheeks,and curl up next to people and,you know what?
I’ve finally realized that’s okay, and if anyone isn’t comfortable with my touch,they can always step away.
I’m “too much”. I really am…I love too much,forgive too much,wear too much red lipstick, and too high heels.
I say exactly what I feel and I dance whenever the mood strikes my fancy and sometimes that’s “too much” for others, but that’s okay,too.

I’m “not enough”,too .  I’m not weak enough to be pushed aside and I don’t get scared enough,I don’t over analyze enough,or figure out every single detail before I make decisions. I don’t always have enough money to cushion my falls, but I always have “just enough”to get through.
I don’t care enough about social media,or peer pressure,or what others think about me anymore.

I know that some people will disagree but I think God gives us exactly who and what we need when we need it.  That’s why I’ve learned that sometimes what we think is a bogey bear can turn out to be a blessing,what we might first see as a trap,may actually be a springboard, and the words that may have been meant to destroy you,actually restored you instead.

I guess,truth be told, I still believe in bogey bears and fairy tales because I’m living proof that both exist right now- filled with “too much”and “not enough” and “just right” -it’s absolutely imperfectly perfect and it’s just the way I love things to be- unexpected,blissful-messy,chaotic,colorful,beautiful,fulfilling….maybe for someone else,it’s not enough,but for me-

Too much is just right!

Feel with both hands, Jeanna’