Tag: #writingmyheartout

Let Them

Posted on by jeannasoul

I saw this on another friends wall and read it several times before deciding to post on my own.
Today I had a young mom on my massage table and she had several tattoos but two really stood out to me.
On her shoulder she had her Nana’s favorite Bible verse and the words she would always say to her and above each elbow were the words “let go” and “let God” and, as I worked on her,I prayed for her and also prayed for those I know that are hurting and have hurt others.
Hurt people hurt, that’s the simple truth and that’s why I have always been willing to listen and reconcile and forgive and work things out.
But I’ve learned something profound in this last year- and that’s to let go, let God and let them.
I don’t and won’t hold grudges but when I’ve reached out, again ava again, without answers or replies and when it’s clear that it’s their choice- I stop. I stop sending messages, and I stop asking for answers and I stop hoping for things to change. I simply accept it and move on and let God.
I have peace either way- part of me doubts I’ll ever see them this side of heaven again, and it is what it is.
As the holidays get close, I find myself leaning on verses that mean so much. ““Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:18-19‬ ‭NRSV‬‬

So I will remember fondly the days when we gathered at the home of Mema and then at other family members, but it’s been years – Shelter in Place, Covid and other things changed that and so it’s in the past and now, it’s time to create new traditions and new deep bonds and grow close to those that want to be part of my life.
I will pray and I will leave the door open but I’m not sitting on the curb waiting to be let back in, I’m outside living my life and if anyone wants me, they can come on and catch up with me. I’m not waiting to be wanted. I already am.
“I saw these tattooson Facebook the other day and as I read the meaning behind it, my body instantly got covered in chills.
I needed this! (☕️ not the tattoo- I can’t sit still for hours getting poked- wimp! 😞)
Some of those words I needed to hear I posted below. You may need them too..

“ Let Them”

“Just Let them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave,
hold the door open, AND LET THEM.

Let them lose you.
You were never theirs, because you were always your own. (☕️ damn straight!)

So let them.

Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
Let them earn your forgiveness.
Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
Let them take you out on a Thursday.
Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.
Let them have a safe place in you.
Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.
Let them love you. “

(Always☕️)

I needed this as a reminder to myself! Now every time I look down at my arm i’ll always be reminded…
Just Let Them 🖤

Author: Cassie Phillips

Wake Up Dead

Posted on by jeannasoul

One day I received a text reply from my friend and it said, very simply, “Take care of yourself or you’re going to wake up dead.”

Wake up dead.

I laughed it off at first but then I started to reflect on those words and what it meant.

Wake up dead.

Just imagine that you wake up dead..Just like that..and all the things left behind, left unsaid,left undone….

There’s a Paulo Coelho quote that I love that says,

“One day you will wake up and there will be no more time to do any of the things you wanted to do…do them NOW!”

And yet…I’m so guilty of not doing the very thing I’m always telling others to do.

I have a long list of things I want to do and places I want to go.

I have words to write and words to say.

I have things to give and things I want to receive.

I have people that I need to spend more time with and people that I need to have a heart-to-heart talk with.

If I was to wake up dead, there would be so much left unsaid and unfinished. There would be chaos and clutter for anyone that tried to make head or tails of all my drawers and closets,my books and papers, and the way I’ve done things but…..

That’s the way I am.

However..I don’t want to wake up dead that way..I just don’t.

While I know good and well that no one is promised tomorrow and only God knows when number of our days, I know something else,too.

Life is precious. Life is beautiful. Life is meant to be lived fully, lived extravagantly and intentionally, lived with love and generosity.

Because one day, just like my friend said, we will wake up dead.

Gone to glory.

Dancing with Jesus.

Standing at the pearly gates.

Passed away.

And just like that, it’ll be over and done with.

With this in mind, I decided to go through my drawers, my closets, my attic. Organizing all the stuff that I’ve accumulated over my lifetime…letters and cards, drawings from my children, handwritten recipes from my beloved Mema and Mom, books I’ve highlighted and written in, journals and notebooks filled with my poems and prayers, my painful memories and my beautiful reflections, blessings and curses that comes from the living life on ragged edge.

I want to make sure that when that time comes and I wake up dead that there isn’t anyone left wondering how I felt, how much I loved, what mattered to me.

That’s right.

I’m going to say what I think and what I feel.

I’m going to apologize when I should. Raise Cain and Abel when I get riled up. Sprinkle kindness like confetti all over creation. I’m going to whisper “I love you” and shout it,too. Dress up fancy for no good reason. Drink chocolate milk from wine glasses and wine from plastic tumblers. I’m going to dance with strangers and those that I love. I’m going to say “YES!” when I want to and declare “NO!” when I don’t.

I’m going to make time for what matters to my body,my spirit,my mind. I’m going to make plans and not excuses. Find reasons and ways instead of obstacles and barriers.

Because one of the days I might wake up dead and I damn straight want to be sure that I lived.

I want to give people something to talk about when that day comes,too.

I want them to say things like this.

She sure did love with her whole heart.

She felt with both hands.

You never had to wonder what she thought about things. She spoke her mind with truth and grace.

She was a damn good listener even though she was half deaf.

She gave as much as she received.

She loved surprising people and getting surprises.

Lawd have mercy, she loved to dance.

She couldn’t carry a tune to save her life,but she sang anyways.

She was strong as a bull and stubborn as a mule.

She didn’t always have the best but she made the best of what she had.

She never gave up on people,no matter what.

She loved cowboy boots,faded jeans and pretty lace underwear and worn them from the day she lived till the day she died.

She was smart. She was kind. She was beautiful in her own way.

Yeah, that’s what I want people to say about me when I wake up dead.

But I also want them to say it right now while I’m living and I want to make sure I say it,too.

I don’t want to hear that someone I know and care about woke up dead and I hadn’t made time to talk to them.

I don’t want to gather at a funeral home wishing I had another chance.

I don’t want to have a long list of regrets;of cancelled invitations, turned down dates, missed opportunities, unspoken words,unwritten letters,untold stories and untaken pictures.

That’s not my style,not my desire, not my choice.

So here it goes….this year is winding down and a new one is about to begin and I’m making a list,checking it twice, kind of like Santa Claus, of all the things I want to do,all the people I want to love on and the places I want to see and the dreams I want to come true so that I can start checking them off, doing it all, living my life with passion and love, giving and receiving beautiful things.

From now on.

Just because.

As long as I can.

Until the day comes.

When I wake up dead.

👣💗Jeanna’ Mead

8 59 a.m 12.6.18

Www.jeannasoul.com

Whiskey and Wine

Posted on by jeannasoul

Many years have gone by

From one place to another

Small talk every once in a while

Bits and pieces shared here and there

Skimming along the surface

That ragged edge

Where lines cross

And friendship begins

Over whiskey and wine

Takes a long time

Sweet time

For trust to build

From one place to another

Over many years

Time comes to be at a different kind of table

Pouring whiskey and wine

Sharing bits and pieces

Diving below the surface

And seeing that it’ll be alright

To cross that ragged edge

And pour another

Whiskey and wine.

💙👣Jeanna’ Mead

10.18.18. 7:22 a.m

Carrying On

Posted on by jeannasoul

fb_img_15321781892331729917040.jpgShe said to me

so long ago

“Don’t you go bawling,

squalling, and carrying on

after I’m gone”

I’ve kept that promise

that I made

over and over

Twinkling blue eyes

looking straight through

my own tear-filled brown ones

She would say

over and over

“You love me too much

I don’t know what you’ll do

but promise me

you won’t go

bawling,squalling and carrying on”

So here I am

keeping that promise

best as I can

brown eyes still fill with tears

but I don’t go

bawling and squalling

I just keep

carrying on

Days when I feel all alone

and I long to hear her voice

Times when I feel

like dancing

and Elvira comes on

and I just can’t help

but sing along

When I pass by a cart

piled high

Orange Crush, Big Red and Pepsi Cola

or see all those Little Debbie cakes in the aisle

I find myself smiling

shaking my head

wondering how in tarnation

we ever ate that

When I feel that hunger

for a pot of stew and skillet cornbread

hot as fire prune cake

straight from the oven

and that call she used to make

“Come on over and fix you a plate”

I just keep carrying on

Nights when I can’t sleep

and my body aches

I try all the old remedies

that she taught me

and I just keep

carrying on

I touch base

keep track

stay in touch

best I can

her words echoing in my head

“We ain’t got much family

so love on what we got”

I dig in the dirt

plant anything with a root

Stop and at least

get out and look

at any roadside sale

and I don’t go

bawling and squalling

I just keep carrying on

Sometimes it don’t make

too much sense

but I find myself

thinking of what she would be saying

whenever I’m facing

another predicament

and there’s no-one that understands

It keeps me from

bawling and squalling

and keeps me

carrying on

best I can
👣❤ Jeanna’ Mead

8 00 a.m 7-21-18

http://www.jeannasoul.com

Pirate ….door left open

Posted on by jeannasoul

He is a pirate
down in his soul
born two hundred years
too late

doesn’t matter
all that much
since he still lives
in wonder
anyways

He looks for treasures
in all kinds of places
flirts with women
of all ages and races
falls in love
despite his best intentions

It’s not such a deep
dark secret
how much he loves
the ocean
scotch, vodka and wine
a good rum
and a circle of friends

He walks with a swagger
of a man that knows
full well
he’s being watched
and he doesn’t care

he’s a pirate
down in his soul
born just in time
to make you wonder

what he would do
if he was given
half a chance
to set sail
again.

🍷😉Jeanna’ Mead
5 37 a.m. 12-11-17