I had to take this from the wall of Beverly Danielle Melton and share my thoughts.
I am a simple soul that loves vibrant colors and comfortable things . I also live in Rockwall. and I’ve seen the pictures of some friends homes and I’ve been in several of their homes that were stunningly beautifully decorated and I was so careful to sit just so and to admire but not get comfortable .
That pressure to have the perfect house affected me and for a while I tried painting my walls a neutral shade and decorating more carefully… and I stopped inviting people over and i just spent very little time at home …. But one of the blessings of Covid was the way it hit my heart and made me be still and grateful and really opened my eyes to what I have and what I love. Every single tile in my house was cut and laid by the hands of the man I love. .. that loves me back. The walls need another coat of paint but the reason the turquoise paint is chipped is because of grandchildren rubbing against it and dogs jumping up, and that’s a wonderful thing. There’s marks on the doors from toys and from weights being pushed against them.. But you know what else I see … The picture above the fireplace hung at my childhood home for over 40 years, the dining table was the first thing Greg Mead and I purchased when we became engaged, the pitchers that I collect tell stories and remind me of the way God uses each of us differently with a purpose, the antique dresser was one of my Daddy’s auction purchases and I’ve carted that from house to house since 1983. My front porch is filled with comfortable chairs and a swing that invites everyone to stop and stay awhile.
I’ve rediscovered how much I love opening my house up and filling it with the sounds of laughter.
My house will never be perfectly decorated or meticulous clean but it will be simply full of love… and when a child that has only just met me feels like they can help themselves to ice cream from the freezer and when the dad grins and gets a beer, then I know I’ve created exactly what I want- an open invitation home..
☕☕❤️ this one hits me hard…. Last night I cried in my husband’s arms because I feel like I’m losing my independence and becoming a constant “needer”.. which just isn’t who I am. I cried because I’m having laser eye surgery again this morning and because my eyes are also my ears and I just feel so vulnerable… Then this devotional.
God knows. He knows. He places these words right in front of me and blesses me and reminds me.
“Day Six
Not Today, Soul Bullies
Scripture: Romans 8:1–2
Because beginning again is a practice, a spiritual discipline, a ritual, it’s the kind of thing that we usually can’t sustain alone. We will need the help and support of a loving crew when we deplete our own resolve, energy, and courage.
I love the picture from Scripture of the four friends carrying their invalid friend to Jesus so that he might be healed. The house where Jesus was teaching and healing was overrun with people, so the four friends hoisted their friend’s stretcher up to the roof and cut a hole through which they lowered him down to Jesus.
Here’s what I know: It’s amazing to get to be one of those people who is on the four corners of the stretcher—resourceful, strong, able, heroic. It is far less fun to be the guy on the stretcher—dependent, affected, vulnerable, incapacitated. But, and I hate saying this, we often learn more through our vulnerabilities than we do through our capacities. And it is only through accepting the help and support of others that we are truly healed.
☕💙”Fully healed” It’s been hard for me to ask for help and support . I’m a “do it myself” girl and I get all riled up when I can’t do what I want myself.. Yesterday evening I was tired and KNEW my body needed to rest but I kept on and just as I stepped on the rug, I felt it slide and I fell hard-again- and I say there for a moment, not calling out for help and then pulled myself up and winced at my throbbing hand . My hands are how I make my living, my hands are how I pull myself up and my hands are how I feel and touch and I was, once again, trying to catch myself with my hand outstretched… It hurt then and it hurts now but not much. .. just enough to remind me to be more careful!
If you are in a season of receiving help, it’s likely the Soul Bullies will be on to you. They want to shame, embarrass, and silence you. It’s just what they do.
☕❤️ I’ve had to REALLY wrestle with my vanity and my pride during this battle with the scars left by Covid…. I can hardly believe my own self .. instead of hiding in shame and embarrassment which is my first instinct, my desire to dance again and be fully healed and able to live fully pushed me outside my comfort zone . I started back at Legends Fit when I had to use a walker and my son had to take me down the steps to get into the door. It was both so hard and so good to reach for the hand of Phu Lam and trust the process of getting stronger and accepting who I was, who I am and who I will be. 💙☕ Now I pull on my shorts, wrap my knee and walk in without the walker, without the crutches and without shame or embarrassment. I’m not graceful at all but I’m so, so grateful . 💙☕
We cannot let the Soul Bullies have the last word about us. Because we serve a different narrative than they do. Theirs is scarcity and either/or and punishing to get results.❤️❤️ Our narrative is unexpectedly abundant and wildly gracious. ❤️❤️So we’re right at home, right in the pocket, as they say. We’re where we should be: human beings on the receiving end of love and grace. ❤️☕
The Soul Bullies will likely never fully go away, but we have the power to put them in their place. So even if those accusing voices are creeping in, you can say, “Not today, Soul Bullies. Not today.” And you can begin again. By the grace of God, there is now no condemnation for you, and you can begin again.
Reflection: What is something the Soul Bullies whisper in your ear when you need to receive help? Is this the ultimate truth about you? What does God want to say to you about the Soul Bullies’ words.
☕💙 The Bullies say, ” you’re so much trouble” and “you’re becoming a burden” and “you’ll never dance again” then God places wonderful words in my hands and Greg Mead holds me tight and my daughter reaches over and fixes my makeup and my little Riven kisses me on her way down the stairs after dropping off my heavy back pack.
And God places such good people right in my path… I have to be real here… I just LOVE my gym and one of the hardest things as been waiting for my eyes to improve enough to drive to the gym as often as I want. Almost every time I’m there, some strong armed and good hearted guy helps me either walk across the parking lot or holds my hand to get up the stairs.. I’ve been “high fived” and hugged and I’ve had people tell me they are praying for me and watching out for me .. they punch out the Soul Bullies without even breaking a sweat or realizing what they are doing.
Those things remind me that I can begin again, and that I’m still Jeanna’ Mead and every day I’m beginning to become more of who I am meant to be.
Prayer: God, I want to listen for your voice above all others. I pray for a stillness to receive the help I need. Amen.
This morning, I’m sharing the writings of Rebecca Cooper, Author with my own thoughts mingled in.. Things My Thirties Have Taught Me ☕ Can I call this ‘things Covid taught me?
Not all friendships are meant to last. People that you would’ve called ride or dies, people that you would’ve called in the dead of night in the middle of a storm – those people might just slip from your side (quietly or in flames that you’ll try to put out for years). I suppose it’s a side effect of growing up and realizing who you really are. When you think of them – because you will – send them light and love and carry on. Carry on, sister. ☕ Just before I got hit with the Covid dragon, I had bought a gift for a friend that I expected to see that week…10 months later, it’s still in my car and I haven’t seen her but I think of her often. One month before Covid hit me, I made a business decision and lost several clients that didn’t realize the reasons I had were essential to the peace and safety of my own body and soul. Right before I got hit with Covid, a friend offered to come by to vaccinate my entire team…I refused and that was the last conversation we really had. I believe the vaccination can change a person in many ways, but I didn’t expect this.
But I’ve also learned who I am and what I believe and I’ve been surprised by the people that have reached out even during the hardest days. ☕
Sometimes it really is your fault. Sometimes you have to apologize with a clear, strong voice. Sometimes you have to own up to your part. You might not even know how it even happened (or what). I’ve learned that apologies build bridges that fake smiles and make believe never will. ☕❤️I learned during the hardest days that I had made some serious mistakes, in using my time to build my business instead of building relationships and I’m trying to mend that.. I’ve apologized…I know it was my fault and my choices and I’ve got to make that right.
Tacos are acceptable meals for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner. So is cereal. 🤗☕ I haven’t had cereal in probably two years but I used to love shredded wheat with bananas and sugar….. Maybe I’ll buy a box again .. For old times sake. Tacos, though, are always my favorites… Preferably without melted cheese! 😋 Preferably served with a slice of lime, outside on a picnic table!
You’ll have to walk away sometimes. You’re going to have to feel that courage unfolding in your tummy, and you’re going to have to lace up your sneakers, and you’re going to have to walk away. Walk away from tables that don’t understand you, friendships that don’t serve you, and from love that doesn’t sustain you. ☕💙 Damn straight…. Even though I’m walking like a drunken wench… and it’s hard to be graceful about it… I’ve learned not to let it get to me when I see pictures that show that once again I wasn’t invited to the table…I just decided to gather my own tribe and issue invitations, instead of wondering why I wasn’t asked there..I realized I didn’t really even WANT to be there.
Spring always comes. The bad always gets better. ☕💙 Damn straight… And every storm runs out of rain!
If you don’t understand something, figure it out. You are smart and capable and strong and discerning. Research and ask questions and don’t be afraid to look dumb. Because – ☕❤️💪 This-so much ….I have asked a million questions.. and found answers in nutrition, in training, in being outside and in scriptures and in the Spirit.
For every one person that agrees with you, there are twenty that don’t. You will never convince them. Your job is to stand in the truth that you believe is holy and justified. Your job is to stand there as a beacon for the people that can’t. Stand on your damn hill and shine, shine, shine. ☕❤️🤗 Damn straight AGAIN… So many, many people have disagreed with my choices and I’m okay with that now … It hurt like hell for a long time, but I know my body better than anyone else does..I know what I can’t handle and if that makes me selfish, so be it.
Honesty above everything else. Honesty with yourself and your mom and dad and your kids and your spouse and your friends. Honesty. Even if it hurts and even if it comes out in a whisper. Speak the truth. Even if you have to run from your own self in the dead of night. Speak the truth. Even if it turns you into an arsonist. Speak the truth. Even if, even if, even if. Live in honesty. . ☕🤗❤️ Even if my voice shakes and even if I cry -one of the things I used to wrestle with myself is how emotional I am. .I can’t keep a poker face.. Tears come to my eyes easily. I remember choking back words when someone I loved was about to have surgery and the look of anger and aggravation in the eyes of others and I let that bother me until I realized it was the essence of who I am-i love deeply and I’m not afraid to show it.
License your car on time, don’t over pluck your eyebrows, and use a good leave-in conditioner. Wear the swimsuit, stop wearing the crappy shoes, read good books, and pray unendingly. Get your feet and hands dirty, plant flowers, and plan parties for no other reason than to laugh with your favorite people. Sit by fires, laugh loudly, and dance to good live music in the dead of summer when there’s not even one ounce of a breeze. Always cheer for the underdog and turn your music up too loud and eat good food. Help your neighbors and listen more than you speak and my god – remember this: 🍷 ☕❤️I got up and danced… Not as gracefully as before.. But never more gratefully…and with tears in my eyes…. Wearing a mini dress even though my legs weren’t perfectly strong… But because I wanted to and I felt like it. I’ve also worn shorts-even though my legs aren’t what I wish they were but because I appreciate them so much more now…I appreciate my body more than ever. 💪
You were born to set the world on fire. Don’t ever stop chasing down your secret, sacred dreams.
It’s going to be hard. There will be long nights and long days and sometimes, you’ll even be counting the seconds that tick by. You’ll make it through, though. You’ll always make it throug☕💙 Damn straight. Warrior mode!
I promise. ❤️I promise, too… Watch me … Just watch me.
Once again, another writers words are shared here because I seem to be reminded. .. over and over of Mema and her way of saying, “feel with both hands. ‘
Shared from Sacred Dreams 💛
“Grandma, how do you cope with pain?”
“With your hands, honey. If you do it with your mind instead of relieving the pain, it toughens even harder.”
“With your hands grandma?”
“Yes, our hands are the antennae of our soul. If you move them; knitting, cooking, painting, playing or sinking them into the ground, you send care signs to the deepest part of you and your soul lights up because you’re paying attention to it. Then signs of pain will no longer be necessary.”
“Hands are really that important?”
“Yes my daughter. Think of babies: they start to know the world through the touch of their hands. If you look at the hands of old people, they tell you more about their life then any body part. Everything that is done by hand is said to be done with the heart. Because it’s really like this: hands and heart are connected. Masseurs know well: when they touch someone with their hands, they create a deep connection. It is precisely from this connection that healing comes. Think of lovers: when they touch their hands, they make love in a more sublime way.”
“My hands grandma…. how long I haven’t used them like this!”
“Move them, my love. Begin to create with them and everything within you will begin to move. The pain will not pass away. And instead what you do with them will become the most beautiful masterpiece and it won’t hurt anymore. Because you have been able to transform its essence.”
I didn’t write this.. Jeff Foster did… But it hit me so hard that I cried and then I pulled on my boots and straighten my shoulders and danced anyway
THE INCREDIBLE JOY OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD
There are people who will never understand you, agree with you, or even like you.
Mothers. Fathers. Siblings and other family members. Bosses. Employees. Spiritual teachers. Therapists. Clients.
No matter how hard you try. No matter how much you change, rage at them, contort yourself, learn all the magic of this world, and attempt to become exactly what they want and need you to be. No matter how much you fawn and “people please”, they will never accept you, love you, approve of you, validate your path and life choices. They will never celebrate your successes with you, mourn with you, meet you in deep love and intimacy. They will never get to know you, the real you, the you you so desperately want to be known. You will always feel unseen, invalidated, misunderstood by them. They will live with their version of you, their image of you, their fantasy of you, a picture in their own minds, perhaps until they die, and nothing you can do, or not do, will change that.
You may exhaust yourself, trying to get someone like this to finally SEE you.
You may try “compassion”. Being more and more agreeable and empathic and understanding. Giving gifts. Acts of service. Compliments. Giving endless amounts of time and energy to them. Working on yourself. Being “available”. Trying to be “good” for them. Agreeing with them when really you don’t. Saying yes when you mean no. Saying no when you mean yes. Ignoring all of your own boundaries.
You may spend hours and hours trying to explain your position, your views, your path, opening and dissecting your precious heart. Listening deeply to them. Being open and empathic. Rephrasing, rewording, reconfiguring yourself, trying all kinds of different tacks, trying to break through, trying to get them to see.
You may cling to the hope that one day, one day, they will change.
“If they only got to know the real me!”
But no matter how hard you try, and no matter how long you hope and wait, they won’t budge. They stay fixed in their beliefs, judgements, narratives, opinions, behaviours. They may even refuse to self-reflect, look at themselves, or even consider the possibility of change.
Why won’t they change?
Is there something wrong with YOU?
Is it YOUR fault that things are this way? Are YOU to blame for this lack of connection, closeness?
Should you try even harder to be understood, then? Be even kinder, more empathic, more understanding, nicer, more spiritual? Maybe if you offer them pure unconditional love, they will transform? Maybe if you become the best, most compassionate, most selfless, most [fill in the blank] person in the world, they will finally soften, and their love will flow effortlessly to you? It’s a beautiful dream.
But it soon becomes a nightmare.
One day you realise, you are fighting a losing battle. You are at war with reality. You are trying to manipulate and control how someone else feels, what they think, their values, their reality, their inner world. You are trying to “fix” them, in a sense, control their feelings and thoughts, alter their path, and it’s an impossibility.
If you are honest with yourself, you are doing the same to yourself too. And you actually feel exhaustion, resentment, anger, despair, even fear, underneath the whole damn project.
You are powerless to change them. Where does your power lie? In presence. In being authentically yourself. In the truth of your feelings and desires, however painful. In your courage to look within.
You discover the lost child in you that just wants to be loved, but is innocently looking in the wrong places, to the wrong people. For as much as it wants to be loved, it is scared of really being loved. For love is confused with abandonment, or enmeshment which is also a kind of abandonment, and either way, true intimacy is a threat. And that’s why it looks to the wrong people. There’s no chance of ever being seen, and so there’s no chance of ever being destroyed. It’s safe, and unsafe, all at the same time. We long for God, and we fear God’s penetrating gaze.
Some of us have mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers who will never see us.
Some people choose partners who will never see them.
In the end, you meet yourself anyway.
You discover your own wounding. And somewhere deep down, you know that love is not something you have to fight for, manipulate yourself or others for, not something that has to be won, not something you need to prove yourself worthy of.
You tire of trying to get water out of a dried-up well.
You find an infinite and holy well of love inside yourself.
And you gravitate towards other wells that give water freely.
You open yourself to the sacred water of life.
It is such a relief to not have to prove yourself anymore. To anyone.
You don’t have to be liked. Others don’t have to agree with you. They are free to judge you, tell stories about you, distrust you and your motivations, or ignore you completely.
And you are free. You are free to engage with them or walk away. You are free to love them, AND find yourself moving away from them. Or not. You are free to speak your truth, or not. To set boundaries, lovingly, clearly. Or not. You are free to be you, to prioritise self-love and to let yourself be loved and seen by others who actually do have the capacity to truly love you, and see you. To find your true friends, your true family, those who actually want you. To discover your true place on this Earth.
When others don’t want you as you are, they are giving you a wonderful gift: the freedom of yourself. You may just discover this, if you are willing to plumb the depths of your own beautiful heart.
Jeff Foster.
So here is my own words now.. writing my heart out is just my way of doing things.. it’s therapeutic for me.
I’m still healing from my battle with the Covid dragon… and it’s been one helluva ride.
The physical aspect has thrown me for a loop.. over and over again. Most people don’t see what happens when I’m alone.. they don’t see me push myself off the bed with my hands, try to steady myself to walk to the bathroom and then fall in the doorway.. most people don’t see the bruises or the tears that roll from my eyes as I grit my teeth again.
That’s one thing that I can handle, though, I can handle the pain and the weakness and the frustration with myself.. with my own body but, what really, really hurts is the words and actions of others which I can’t control or handle .
I’ve had family members tell me that i should stay home and quit working on others because I’m “endangering” them since I’m not vaccinated and don’t wear a mask.
I’ve actually been disowned by some family members because of my choices concerning Covid and my conservation political views.
It hurts like hell but it is what it is. I’ve accepted it… but I’m leaving the door open just in case they ever decide to reach out to me again .
I’ve spent a lot of time pondering what really matters to me and I’ve realized that I’ve made mistakes and choices that weren’t the best… and I’ve apologized and tried to begin again.
Sometimes it just doesn’t work that way… and no matter what I say or do, I feel like I’m damned .. damned if I do and damned if I don’t so I just do the best I can and hope it’s enough.
I can love like crazy but I can’t read minds as well as I can read lips and that’s just the way it is.
I’m always willing to listen and to talk when the intention is to understand and be understood.. to heal and not to hurt but I’ve also chosen to be still and wait for others to make the first move this time .
That’s hard.. because, by nature, I want to take the reins and rile up and get things resolved but I’m learning to let go and let God
I keep that door open, too, just in case, because I would love to be able to understand and be understood.
Oh Lord have mercy, this popped up as I was drinking my coffee and the tears started rolling. Oh, how I miss Momma and Mema.. how I miss the cold cokes and sitting in the driveway shooting the bull, how I miss the phone calls.. “I made a pot of stew and prune cake… Bring those babies over here!” I miss getting to her house to find that they had gone shopping and saw something “that just had your name all over it”.. and I miss those hugs that made everything all better.
It is almost Mother’s day, which is the day I was born on.. and how I miss hearing my momma tell me-again and again- “I don’t need no present… You are my Mother’s day gift every day” Mema told me that I better not go ” bawling and squalling and carrying on” after she went to glory because she said that I had been so good to her and didn’t have no reason to. Maybe that’s the truth…. I loved her so much that one day when she was pulling out in the car , she grabbed my hand and said,” Jeanna, you love me too much … They might have to bury you with me when the time comes… You better remember those kids gonna need you to love on them enough for both of us! “ She was right…. I did love her too much.. and that’s one of the best things ever!
I wish I could call them up… I wish I could bring over my bundles and my girls and watch them love on them all. Instead.. I’m gonna try my best to be like my momma and Mema’… I’m gonna love too much, I’m gonna ” feel with both hands’ and I’m gonna spoil my babies rotten and make as many memories as I can so that when the Good Lord calls me to dance in glory, all of them will miss me like crazy and have stories to pass on to their own grandchildren… “Jamma was crazy… She would make us all sing ” TallyDah”and shake our booties and she would buy gifts for no reason and dip cookies in coffee… and she was always the first person to get up and dance and would squeeze you half to death. Call your momma. If you still can …
This here… Tears are rolling down my face … I have so many text messages that I’ve saved over the years because the words are balm to my soul, and inspire and encourage me and when I started my business, these messages helped me so much. During the “dark days” of my marriage, I saved some messages to remind me of what mattered the most to me. I also have several texts that are heartbreaking and I keep those to pray over and try to find peace in them. The texts and the words we say and write and listen to make deep and lasting impressions.
Just like the words we don’t say… Silence is an answer, too, and sometimes it’s just so loud.
Yesterday, I recieved a text that I immediately saved… The words boosted my spirits and strengthen my resolve and belief in myself.. And I really needed that.
The last words of Jesus.. How profound.. How beautiful … How hopeful…
Some of the last words from my Mema, my Daddy and my mom still hold me up in much the way Jesus’s words do .
There’s a song that goes like this..”let my words be few….” May the last words I speak be those of love, may the last texts I send be encouraging and inspiring and full of love and kindness. My hope is that when anyone scrolls messages recieved from me, or seen on Facebook, or Instagram, that they see a woman that loves deeply and screws up quite a bit but tries hard to be the woman she was created to be and gives God the glory.
Let the words of Jesus be a balm to your soul today and always. ☕ Below are the written words of another that inspired my own writing and the pictures that pierced my heart.
Jesus hung on the cross for six hours. He was crucified at 9am on Friday and died at 3pm. As He hung, He spoke seven times. Victims of crucifixion were often rendered mute due to the suffocation, so it was with great agony He would say anything to us at all. The most precious words made of red letters. Gold from Golgotha.
Make Courageous Commitments When making commitments, we need to be mindful of where they fit into our overall goals, objectives, and schedules. And we must consider how they fit into God’s overall plan and purpose for our lives. Once we’ve prayerfully considered these factors and are confident in our chosen direction, we must then avoid procrastination and take action. All the while, we should be diligent to analyze and prioritize our commitments on a regular basis, avoiding anxiety, and maintaining balance in our everyday lives and schedules.
Courageously analyze and prioritize your commitments by asking yourself the following questions:
What commitments have I made?
What commitments do I need to make?
Are there any commitments I need to eliminate?
How dedicated am I to my commitments? Prayerfully analyzing your commitments can mean the difference between success and defeat, peace of mind, and exhaustion. Interpret: God will give us everything we need to make courageous, God-honoring commitments. He promises to be with us along the way and will bless us in response to our dedication. Apply: Analyze and prioritize your commitments today. Make the ones God is encouraging you to make, eliminate the ones he’s encouraging you to eliminate, put aside procrastination, and take action. Pray: Father, give me wisdom and discernment regarding my commitments. Help me discern areas of my life where I am overcommitted or under committed. Grant me the ability to eliminate commitments that are not within your will and establish commitments that honor you.
☕☕ This is meant for me As I looked into tweaking my schedule to make more time for taking care of my body-a commitment that I know I must make in order to get my strength and balance back… I realize that all those other things were falling into place for this to happen without me feeling anxious or overwhelmed.
Finding balance in my life has been one of the lessons from Covid… and that is being strong and able to enjoy my bundles and my girls.. to be able to make memories and enjoy time with them. Training my body means saying “no* to wasting time and saying ” yes” to making time. It means that I let go of what isn’t providing results and find what I need. It means giving up temporary things for long term gains ..
That isn’t always easy but I know it’s what God is leading me to do…
Guarding my heart.. guarding my family.. guarding my time.. guarding my body.
That means opening my heart to love more-not less, it means making more time for my family, more time for my body . I want to be able to dance with Greg Mead again, and bend down to dig in the dirt with my girls and lift up Ruthie Jane without being afraid I’ll fall over.. I want to walk outside and play with the bundles without a struggle. I want to walk and find treasures at flea markets and move furniture without grasping the walls I want to say “yes” to having coffee and going to get margaritas and tacos without being afraid I’ll be mistaken for drunk before I’ve tasted my tequila!
I am choosing to listen to what has been placed on my heart… God will provide the details.
Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”
E p h e s i a n s 3
So, if He can do all these things and more, surely He can help you do more than you could have ever dreamed or thought you could do. If the odds are against you, take hope. God is in the business of using underdogs. And God wants to use an underdog just like you.
C H E W O N T H I S
What’s holding you back from being who God wants you to be? Is it your past? Your fears? What mindset or habit do you need to get rid of to begin to be used by God in ways you never thought possible?
P R A Y E R
Jesus, I thank you for empowering me to do the impossible. I trust that you want to use me and I’m giving you permission. Take what little I have and use it to out-perform what anyone thought was possible. I give you the glory and honor.
☕💙 Damn straight
Here I am, curled in the covers, reading and writing and sipping my coffee and realizing that’s habit that’s holding me back… I’m going to stop lingering over my second cup of coffee and reading and getting up for a longer workout in the mornings and for getting this body to do far more than anyone else expects
I’ve watched the videos that Daymond Patterson has taken of me and cried every time… But that’s also motived me even more
I’m making choices to place my body and my health at the top of the totem pole so that I can be the woman, the wife, the mom, and the Jamma that I was created to be.
I have a great team on my side that believes in me and pushes me… Just like God intends.
This is what I’ve held on to during this journey As I’ve struggled physically, I’ve found my faith becoming stronger and my gratitude endless.
I’ve reached some real turning points this past few days. Sunday was the first time since July that I drove to TjMaxx and went inside all by myself and shopped, then I went to Fresh- and walked all over the store trying to find what I needed. Monday I had training with Phu Lam and then had my kinesiology session with Daymond Patterson of The Raw Power Team then I had a Simple Man session on a client at Rockwall Body and Soul Massage and then my sons came and helped me get the room ready for Rebecca Joann Brumfield to work for 2 weeks! I came home after the hail and rain storm, exhausted and happy!
Yesterday I ran back into the store to get glasses and then did sessions, and finally stopped by to see my daughter, Kateley Lyons and love on my bundles for a minute. Then on the spur of the moment, I asked Riven if she would come with me , and she said, “yes!” She grabbed a bag, kissed her family and got in my car. We went to Aldi to pick up my grocery order and then headed home.. at the red light, I turned to her and said, “I haven’t driven with you in so long” “Not since I was 7!” she replied. Then she said, “sometimes your driving scares me…. But then it always has even before you got sick!”
Truth spoken… So I had to share stories of how my Mema would drive crazy, racing the teenage boys at the lights, taking the corners so fast that we would slide across the seats, singing all the while….I ain’t got nothing on that woman when it comes to scary driving… But I got this .. I have a future and a hope .. every day I’m getting stronger and that’s my intention so that I can dance with Greg again, pick up my bundles and girls and take them treasure hunting at places, have cookouts and go wherever I want without falling, and to live my life, mindful of my blessings and in awe of every step I take. It’s been a journey. . everything that has happened has taught me so much and I’m working out even harder with clear goals and expectations – to become the woman I was created to be! God has a plan and a purpose!
Jeanna' Soul 
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