New Year

Every year I make resolutions and promises for New Years… Some are good ones, and others aren’t .

This time it’s a little different.. no, let’s me honest… It’s VERY different.
Since August of 2021, I’ve been on a journey.. a hard, beautiful, crazy and chaotic one.. and you know what?
It’s changed me, it’s made me physically weaker and spiritually stronger where I’ve been focused for so long on just the opposite.
God knew I needed this time to be still and be quiet and lose my illusions of control so that I could who He had created me to be.
I’m passionate.
I’m messy.
I screw up.
I fall down… a lot lately.. but I always get back up.
I’m blunt.. Greg Mead has spent years telling me to be gentler… He wasn’t telling me to be less than myself, he was telling me to choose my words with compassion.
I had to learn some real important lessons.
I had to learn that my beautiful daughter was watching me and seeing herself.. and when I was critiquing my body, I was, in fact, criticizing hers, too.
This is a hard truth.. but when I go into a dressing room to try on anything and she’s with me, I don’t even look in the mirror.. I look at her.
Kateley Lyons is the mirror. She’s the one that I see when I look in the mirror.. and she’s the one that looks at me and sees who she’s becoming
Damn.
That’s me, too.
Sometimes words pop out of my mouth and I wrestle with them.
I get riled up and I shoot off, letting my emotions take over but you know what else
I forgive.
I don’t hold grudges, I never have.
I’m not afraid… and that used to worry the tarnation out of my momma and my Mema but it has served me well.
So, yeah. I’m not afraid of hard work and I’m not afraid of getting hurt, I’m not afraid of falling and I’m not afraid of jack shit except..
I’m afraid that I haven’t loved enough. I’m afraid I haven’t invited enough and I’m afraid I haven’t said, “yes” when I really wanted to. I’m afraid I’ve waited too long for that “special time” when I shouldn’t have.. I’m afraid that I cared too much what “others” would think it instead of what I really thought

So here I am.. kicking off the New Year with the truth of the matter..
I am a lot of things.. but above all, and most importantly, I’m created by God at this time and space.. to be the wife, the mom and the Jamma I am.
I’m created to love more.. to create more . to be confident and strong in the body He’s blessed me with, I’m created to write and to speak and to touch with love, grit and grace.
I’m created to guard my heart against anything that pulls me down and to guard those I love fiercely .
I’m created for good works.. and to give God the glory
Damn straight, that’s what I’m going to do .. come on 2022.. let’s do this beautifully, gracefully and well!

Usually….

Usually I write long letters for Christmas..
Usually, we take family pictures at Walls Tree farm and usually I have tons of gifts wrapped up under the tree.
Usually, my studio is decorated and my clients are greeted with candy canes and hot cocoa and usually I hand out boxes of cookies, too.
Usually, I wear lots of eye makeup and add lashes just because.. and usually I’m running around from one place to another with a long list….
But this year hasn’t been “usual” for me at all.
Maybe you don’t know me-yet-maybe you know OF me… Rockwall is still a small town in many ways.

I’m the deaf gal that writes a blog, walks on people (Ashiatsu babe), and dances on the square.. and usually I take it for granted that I can do all those things I am known for and love to do… But, this ain’t been an usual year and after I read this post by Amy Weatherly,I knew I had to share it here .

This has been one helluva year .. and this Christmas I’m not taking anything for granted- not the steps I can now climb, not the great taste of coffee and peanut butter cookies, not the giggles of children, not the steadfast love of a good man and wonderful kids, not the deep friendships and texts that kept me going.
All those things that I usually took for granted, mean so much more this year.
You know why? God took me out of my usual life style and let me learn-the hard way-just how blessed I am. Usually, I keep my faith to myself…. But during this past year, I’ve felt the constant presence of the Holy Spirit protecting me and healing me and pursuing me .. That’s not usual for me…. But then again, ain’t nothing been usual this year… So here we are .. Merry Christmas, y’all… Pull on your boots and do what’s right this season! Don’t take nothing for granted and love big much! Be unusually generous and compassionate to yourself and to others!
Much love,
Jeanna’ Mead

writingmyheartout #deaftherapist #myownwords #jeannasoul

“After the year we’ve been through, I hope we’ve all learned that this is the season.

This is the season to actively pursue joy, and this is the season to intentionally choose peace. This is the season to forgive, and to do whatever you can to find some bandaids and a new perspective and soothing words to heal old wounds and patch up past scars.

This is the season to reach out, and to make fresh starts, and to chart a new path. This is the season to let drama go, and to loosen your grip on bitterness, and anger, and resentment. This is the season to tell somebody you love them. Right now. No waiting. No assuming they already know.

After all we’ve lost, I hope we’ve all learned that this is the season.

This is the season to give.

This is the season to be grateful, and to be good to each other—to our family, to our friends, to strangers across the world and strangers right here in our hometowns. This is the season to appreciate what we have, and who we have, and who we are.

This is the season to figure out what really matters, and to release whatever doesn’t. This is the season to hold hands, and come together, and invite more to the table and to appreciate how we all belong to each other. How we are all woven together and connected in this weird, wonderful tapestry of life.

This is the season to be careful with what you say, and how you say it because nobody is their best right now. We’re all a little heartbroken, and so we have to make a decision—do I add to the heartbreak? Do I continue the cycle, or do I add to the heartmending? Do I hurt, or do I help?

This is the season to share.

This is the season to figure out where you have some extra, and hand it out freely. This is the season to let vanities go, and to find courage, and to walk in total freedom.

This is the season to love.

And this is the season to listen, and learn cause somebody out there has a point-of-view that’s not at all like yours—and maybe it isn’t wrong, and maybe it isn’t right. Maybe it’s just different, and that’s okay. It’s nice to take a second to put on someone else’s shoes and understand them a little better. Maybe that’s the start of compassion, and maybe compassion is the start of coming together.

Maybe this isn’t the season to push people away after all. Maybe this is the season to pull people a little closer, and recognize the common threads that run through us all.

Maybe this is the season to do a little more of what Jesus did. ❤️

Love,
Amy*

Cruel To Herself

She knew better

Really, she did

But t that didn’t always matter

When she looked in the mirror

She found herself comparing

Who she was to who she wasn’t

She saw flaws instead of beauty

And she was so cruel to herself

She spoke words to the reflection

That she wouldn’t say to anyone else

It became a daily thing

As she gave in and became

Her own worst enemy

Instead of her own best friend

She was getting used to being cruel to herself

But then the day came

When she looked at the mirror and saw

Her daughter gazing back at her

Eyes wide open

And she saw the mirror image

Who she was and who she would be

How could she be cruel to herself

When she had someone that looked almost exactly the same

The words she started to say

Begin to change

She couldn’t be cruel to herself

When she saw herself through the eyes of God

and saw her own little girl.

💙 Jeanna’ Mead for Chasity

12.19.21. 646 a.m

Inspirited by Chasity and pushed by this devotional

Begin Again: A 7-Day Devotional By Leeana Tankersley • Devotional

Black Coffee Again

Black Coffee and Listening –
Begin Again: A 7-Day Devotional By Leeana Tankersley

http://bible.com/r/2zI
I’ve started getting up at 5 a.m. Not every day, but more days than not. This is an anomaly for me. Normally, I am addicted to sleep. But this pre-twilight pocket, between night and morning, seems like it has something for me.

I sit and drink black coffee and listen and write. Undistracted. I write on the top of my paper:

God, what do you want to say to me this morning?

And I just listen, keeping track of a dialogue that sometimes arrives quickly and completely and sometimes arrives fragmented and unresolved. I have been asking God this question for a while now, but never in the dark, never early in the morning like this. I’m beginning to believe, though, that there are treasures hidden

in the darkness. And when you are beginning a journey of opening up, you need these hidden treasures along the way.

I chose the word listen for my word this year. The root means “to honor.” I love that.

Listening is about trading our trying for trust. This is how we find true rest, I believe. Listening is a begin-again kind of ritual. It’s never finished and it’s always possible, and it’s waiting to give us living and breathing gifts that are new every morning. We start where we are, not where we want to be, which requires a new level of honesty with ourselves.

But if I can sit in the truth that I am held by Love no matter what, I can and will begin again. God invites me to “seal in” this work, my listening, my trust, my held-ness. He says, Breathe and begin again. Keep coming to the table and I will keep showing you the way.

Set aside some time today for your own pre-twilight moment. Breathe, listen, and write down what you hear.
☕💙

This is my devotional this morning and I had to laugh because Greg Mead bought me coffee this morning and said, ‘it’s black coffee-there’s no milk and no honey in the house “
I haven’t been able to drive in months so I haven’t been to the grocery store.. and forgot to place my Aldi order to get picked up so…. No milk, and no honey for the coffee.
But here I am, writing what comes to my heart after spending time with Jesus…
There’s this picture along with this study that hits me hard ..
“Fixed up”. . That’s what my Mema would say when putting on her coral lipstick, Mary Kay makeup and White Shoulders collection.. and I do mean ‘collection’ because she would layer on the powder, the cologne and the lotion until you could smell her coming from a country mile.
That’s how she “fixed up” and here I am, feeling like I’m just not “fixed up.”

Since the beginning of December, in preparation for cataract surgery, bought on suddenly by steroid injections to combat Covid, I’ve been unable to “fix up” my eyes… none of my trademark eye shadow, liner, mascara, or fake eye lashes and I’ve felt it.
I’ve felt blah, I have felt ugly, I’ve looked at the mirror and groaned with defeat as I tried to “fix up” the best I can without highlighting my best feature-my eyes.
Yet, while I’m moaning and groaning about how I look, my husband tells me that he loves seeing just my eyes without all my ‘stuff” on them and it makes me think…

God sees us without all our ” stuff” .. He wants us just the way we are… without being ” fixed up” , just willing to drink the black coffee and listen to what He’s saying without adding honey or milk-sugar coating the truth.
He wants us to be so filled with His love that people can sense it from a country mile just like they could smell my Mema’s White Shoulders perfume before they saw her.
Now don’t get me wrong… As soon as I can, I’m gonna fix my eyes up, and I’m gonna put on my fake eye lashes, coat on the mascara, line my lashes and stroke on the shadow… But I’m keeping my gaze fixed on Jesus, and I’m placing my order for milk and honey to sweeten up tomorrow’s coffee .
That’s the way He made me.. He knows good and well that I like things sweet and I like to look all “fixed up” but He loves me even when I’m not and He’s got a way of making sure I know that-black coffee and all!

writingmyheartout #myownwords #jeannasoul

Deaf Insight.

Before I go sleep, let me share this from Deaf Read.
Over the years, I’ve learned to accept that I’ll never know everything that’s being said but…..there’s times when the sheer lack of consideration stabs my heart.

It’s the little things ,saying “never mind” instead of repeating, giving the “Readers Digest “version instead of the whole story. Picking a restaurant that’s dimly lit.

Awhile back,I was talking with a friend about missing out at backyard parties. You see,when it gets dark and everyone else gathers around the fire to talk and share stories….I go inside because I can’t read lips in the darkness and I won’t just sit there,pretending to understand.
This guy said something that touched my soul. He said,”I’ll go inside with you” and while we’ve never been at an evening outdoor event ,I know that if he had the chance, he’ll come sit with me, wherever I can read his lips.
It’s taken me a long,long time to accept my deafness ….and to appreciate the different gift it is.
Now…truth be told,I consider my deafness an asset and not a disability.
After all,I have the best excuse to sit closer and look into the eyes of whoever I’m with,and to touch them and be completely in tune.

I just ask for you to leave the lights on,sit close and look me the eye.

Safe Past

“To forgive is to visit the past and come back safe and sound.”

She read those words

Shuddered just a bit

The truth hit hard

Maybe it was not quite that easy

But then again

Maybe it was

She only knew

This much was true

She had to forgive herself

For holding the silence in

For keeping the ‘peace’

When she should have screamed

She visited the past

Saw the child she was

And told her that she was

Safe and sound, now

💙 Jeanna’ Mead

6 38 a.m. 12.8.21

Obsessed

A few days ago someone asked me why I kept posting things on Facebook about my Covid journey and what I thought about the vaccinations and everything.
She said, ‘You seem obsessed with proving you’re right and you’re not going to change anyone’s mind. “

She’s got a valid point .

I’m obsessed with my health and the health of others. I believe in sharing information because that’s how I have learned and grown in understanding and knowledge.
I know full well that I may not change anyone’s stance but I also know that I just might shine some light and make others investigate my reasons for choosing the path I have .

After all, this platform-Facebook- changed my life because of what others shared

Almost ten years ago, a friend of Keith Brown posted a quote by Paulo Coelho and I grabbed ahold of those words and went to Half Price Books and purchased my first book by him.
The Alchemist was the book that gave me to courage to make the leap and follow my heart and dream and open my own massage studio, Rockwall Body and Soul Massage .

Sharing information changed my life, not only my mind.

Just a few days ago, Pat Davis Pearson asked a question about meal preparation and one of her friends commented about a supplement that helps her own hypoglycemia.
I immediately ordered the product because I’ve wrestled with this for years-getting migraines and dizzy spells when I forget to eat, or get too busy to eat right.
It’s too soon to tell if this works for me but I’m grateful that she shared the information.

Joshua Hamilton Lohnes has shared his love for music with me so much that he’s even created playlists for my studio .
We have very different opinions about the vaccination but he’s never belittled me or shown me anything but love and respect and music!


Ruthie Needs Coffee posted a few links about her research and I followed those links to find the information I needed about vitamins and supplements for my inflammation… then she posted about learning web design and a load was taken off my shoulders when I hired her to redo and manage my website.


Through the years, others like Alyse Faith , Jennifer Killgo , Rebecca Joann Brumfield , and Shelley McMeans Glasson have shared posts about information that have changed my thinking and my life.

It might seem like a small thing -just a quote from a book, a vitamin, a workout plan but it might just be the catalyst that changes a life .
I know that my )ife is changed because someone shared information and thoughts here and maybe, just maybe I can give someone else the courage and strength to follow their own dreams.

I’m not obsessed with proving I’m right.. I’m obsessed with living my best life and loving the best I can.

And maybe, just maybe somebody will read something I’ve shared and it will change their mind and their life.

writingmyheartout #myownwords #jeannasoul #treasurehunt #thinkaboutit

Coffee and Wisdom

☕ Here I am, drinking coffee and reading words of wisdom and reeling in just a bit…
I found out some harsh truths over the weekend and yesterday… It is what it is… I’m gonna let that go.. and take it as a learning experience.

I’m gonna focus, instead, on what I can change and can control- my own body and my own decisions.
Like this study I’m doing… The body is an incredible thing and I am finding out what I’m capable of-even surprising myself, but it doesn’t seem like I’m surprising Phu Lam at all.. He seems to know me better than I know myself.
I decided to try one more chiropractor and with Marcus Edward Tamez , I can feel the difference already after only two sessions with him.

I’m washing my face, and washing my hands off to get rid of the dirt of doubt, the grime of disappoinment and I’m pulling on my boots and walking straight into my best life.
“Paul’s words in Philippians are so powerful because they came from his own, painful experience. How could he change his perspective? How could he find hope when all seemed hopeless? He found a new perspective in Christ and found incredible strength to face his challenges. You can find the same.

If you’re seeking change you shouldn’t just want that for yourself, you should need it. You need to set a goal for yourself and then work your butt off to get there. I don’t care if that goal is to pay off your credit card or lose ten pounds or run an Iron Man. You need to make a move right now while you’re still on fire from this book about what goal you’re setting for yourself. Then you need to go do it. . . .

You, exhausted mother of three who’s considering heading back to work but afraid she’s been out of the loop too long. You, fifty pounds overweight and conscious that your health is in jeopardy if you don’t make drastic change. You, in your early twenties who wants love but gives away your body in order to feel the connection and instead only feels emptier. You, who wants better relationships with the people you love but can’t let go of your anger in order to get there. You, all of you, any of you. . . . Be honest about who you are and what you need to do to make a change.

Girl, get ahold of your life. Stop medicating, stop hiding out, stop being afraid, stop giving away pieces of yourself, stop saying you can’t do it. Stop the negative self-talk, stop abusing your body, stop putting it off for tomorrow or Monday or next year. ☕☕♥️Stop crying about what happened and take control of what happens next.💙 Get up, right now. Rise up from where you’ve been, scrub away the tears and the pain of yesterday, and start again . . . Girl, wash your face!”

Washing My Face

“God gave you gifts and strengths so that you could accomplish his plan. And while you may meet resistance as you look to use those gifts, you are not alone in your struggle.

Working women sometimes have to fight their way through patriarchal systems. Working mothers get backlash from in-laws or parents who can’t understand our desire to work, while stay-at-home

moms slam us for being away from our children. I’ll bet stay-at-home moms feel similarly judged by working women who can’t relate to their life choices. It’s as though we’re all children on a playground trying to say whatever others want to hear; trying to hide all the parts that others might not understand. It makes me wonder how many women are walking around living into half their personality and in doing so, denying who their creator made them to be.

Do you really think God made you—uniquely, wonderful you—in hopes you would deny your true self because it might be off-putting to others? I can’t believe that’s true. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I believe that God made me this way. He knew I would have a worker’s heart, and he knew I would want to build big dreams. In the same way, he knew another one of his children was meant to stay home and raise her beautiful babies while another daughter of his wouldn’t want to have kids at all.

Have you spent a lifetime muting yourself for fear of what others will think? Are you an entrepreneur who calls your business a hobby because you worry about what your mother-in-law will say or because it’s safer to keep everyone’s expectations low? Are you hesitating to go back to school because you think you’re not smart enough? Do you stop yourself from daring to try something new because you’re already positive you’ll fail? Do you remain silent when you have so much to say? Do you believe you’ll never do better or be better than you are right now because of your family of origin? Do you hesitate to admit your dreams aloud because you’re nervous about others making fun of you or judging you for your choices?

I believe that you are not a mistake—and feeling guilt about who you are (working, staying at home, overweight, underweight, overeducated, uneducated, emotional, bookish, street-smart, or whatever) does a disservice to yourself and the creator who made you. There are hundreds of ways to lose yourself, but the easiest of them all is refusing to acknowledge who you truly are in the first place. You—the real you—is not an accident.”
Girl, Wash Your Face

💙🎸☕
I’ve got some things to say about this..
I’ve always been the emotional one-the one that’s ” too much” and I feel everything very deeply. I cry easily and just as easily, I can blow up… Through the years I’ve learned to ” mute” my emotions, just like the writer said… When my aunt was about to have surgery, my eyes filled with tears and my voice cracked and her daughter sent me a look that I knew full well.
It meant I was being ” too much” again.

There’s a reason that I am this way… I was created to be… I’m full-on, hands-in, all there, no matter what

When I started my own business back in 2013,I could FEEL the doubters.. they didn’t outright say anything to me, but I could tell they were just waiting to be able to say, ” I knew this wouldn’t work” probably because of my hearing issues but more so because they just didn’t believe in what I do, or in me.

That’s okay.. because I was created to do this.. I know deep down in my soul that when I’m touching a body, it’s what I was made to do.. same with writing… It comes natural like breathing..
I don’t think twice and it don’t struggle to find words . They just tumble out, effortlessly, sometime with grace, other times, without an ounce of it.

“Feeling guilt about who you are does a disservice to yourself and the Creator who made you.”

Whoa… Here is another truth… Saturday I had some photos snapped of me and after looking at them, I immediately found flaws..
My hair is was a mess, my eye brows needed shaping, and my clothes didn’t look cute . . but mostly, I saw that I had gained weight and I didn’t like that. I felt guilty and ashamed for a hot minute and then I realized that I better wash my face and take another look at myself.

It’s true..I have gained weight… because I haven’t been able to do the cardio and workouts I really love to do…I haven’t been able to drive myself to the gym or go dancing but… damn, I’m walking on my own power now… and I’m able to carry my things here and there, make my own meals and go up and down the stairs at my studio.
I’m not in the best shape of my life, but I’m in a whole lot better shape that I was even just 3 weeks ago.
And you know what?
My husband wrapped his arms around me and said, “You’re still YOU!” and my little Riven said to me, “You’re still my Jamma, you’re just slower now”

Slower, now .. maybe that’s what God is creating now in me… slowing me down, making me think, making me grateful, teaching me to be mindful and graceful-to myself and to others

After all, He does know I needed to slow down and be still some… and then pull on my boots and dance again!

I’m not gonna let Him down, and I’m not gonna let myself down. It’s that simple.

musicandmassage #deaftherapist #loveyourbody #writingmyheartout #myownwords #wordsofwisdom

Hard-Headed

Well, some people have outright told me that I probably wouldn’t be in this shape if I had done differently… Several others have told me that I may never fully recover..

That just goes to show me that they don’t know me very well at all.

“Hardheaded”was what my parents called me way back then, and right about now, I’m really glad I am so hard-headed.

Hard-headed keeps me going at a business that requires up close connection during a time when it hasn’t been easy.
Hard-headed keeps me pushing through the pain to get back to walking and dancing with grace.
Hard-headed takes all the negative and turns out positive.
Hard-headed looks at a schedule and sees ‘half full” instead of ” half empty” and hustles to make it all full.
Hard-headed means standing up for what I believe even if I’m standing outside the circle.
Hard-headed means I don’t give up and don’t give in.. no matter how hard it gets.
Hard-headed means I pull back from anyone that doesn’t believe in me and hold on to those that do
Hard-headed means I’m gonna work through this time… and be better than ever.

Keep trying to find out what’s wrong with me… I’m so hard-headed that I’m gonna focus on what’s RIGHT with me and what I can do about it!