I went on an amazing date last night with a perfect gentleman in Rockwall. He held my door open, offered his hand and walked me inside… when the waiter at The Roundabout – Rockwall, Texas showed us our table, he pulled out my chair and had me sit first.
He was a great conversationalist and asked me all kinds of questions and genuinely listened to what I said
He made a special effort to look nice and didn’t just wear shorts and flip flops to dinner, because going out to dinner has always been a little bit special. He made me feel absolutely beautiful and was proud to be seen with me. I was treated like a lady all evening by him and he even asked if we can go out on another date real soon! I think I’m going to see if he’ll like to go dancing with me tonight at San Jacinto Music Series – The SEAM and I have a feeling he will!
Yesterday morning as I was driving up Goliad, this music came on.. Dueling banjos.. and I began tapping my fingers against the steering wheel and suddenly felt the tears roll down my face… because I was so enjoying the music and could just imagine the guys smiling and laughing as they played against each other and for each other at the same time. I loved this music so much that I pulled over into the parking lot just to listen to it again with my full attention… and then I sent the Spotify link to a few people. One of them sent a text back, “that is beautiful… but how do you hear that?” I explain this so often to people… My hearing loss is unique, kinda like my personality, kinda like everyone else … I hear percussion, miss the wind pipes, I hear the music and can’t understand the lyrics, I can catch sarcasm and miss the question, I will hear the birds but have no idea what direction they are coming from, I hear the children laughing, the leaves rustling, the can popping open, but I feel the person walk up behind me, and I feel the presence of someone next to me but I can’t understand a word they say unless I read their lips. I know the tune of many songs because I was raised in a house filled with music but I can’t carry a tune to save my life… but I can tell if you are singing it wrong! 😉
I can hear men’s voices better than women’s, can listen to Johnny, Waylon and Willie all day long… and I can dance on beat without any issues at all… but I can’t tell when the music pauses if it’s at “normal” volume and I can’t understand a movie without captions. I can’t hear the water dripping in the sink, but I do hear the toliet flush… I heard the kindness in the voice of the barista at Starbucks just as clearly as I heard the disdain of the woman at the store that was upset that I didn’t hear her ask me to move. As I explained to my friend, I added this.. “I hear more than you think I do and less than I want to,” but I got to thinking… maybe I really hear what is meant for me to hear… like the amazing sound of dueling banjos!
ANTHONY HOPKINS ′′Let go the people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing. Stop having hard conversations with people who don’t want change.
Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything to earn the appreciation of those around you, but it’s a boost that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.
When you begin to fight for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you in this place. This doesn’t mean you need to change what you are, it means you should let go of the people who aren’t ready to accompany you.
If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you don’t do yourself a favor by continuing to offer your energy and your life. The truth is that you are not for everyone and not everyone is for you.
That’s what makes it so special when you meet people who reciprocate love. You will know how precious you are.
The more time you spend trying to make yourself loved by someone who is unable to, the more time you waste depriving yourself of the possibility of this connection to someone else.
There are billions of people on this planet and many of them will meet with you at your level of interest and commitment.
The more you stay involved with people who use you as a pillow, a background option or a therapist for emotional healing, the longer you stay away from the community you want.
Maybe if you stop showing up, you won’t be wanted. Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship will end. Maybe if you stop texting your phone will stay dark for weeks. That doesn’t mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing holding it back was the energy that only you gave to keep it. This is not love, it’s attachment. It’s wanting to give a chance to those who don’t deserve it. You deserve so much, there are people who should not be in your life.
The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, and both are limited. When you give your time and energy, it will define your existence.
When you realize this, you begin to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, in activities, places or situations that don’t suit you and shouldn’t be around you, your energy is stolen.
You will begin to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and for everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else. Make your life a safe haven, in which only ′′compatible′′ people are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving anyone. You are not responsible for convincing them to improve. It’s not your work to exist for people and give your life to them! If you feel bad, if you feel compelled, you will be the root of all your problems, fearing that they will not return the favours you have granted. It’s your only obligation to realize that you are the love of your destiny and accept the love you deserve.
Decide that you deserve true friendship, commitment, true and complete love with healthy and prosperous people. Then wait and see how much everything begins to change. Don’t waste time with people who are not worth it. Change will give you the love, the esteem, happiness and the protection you deserve.
❤️I read these beautiful words and paused to let them soak into my soul.
Such profound truth.
I’ve learned so much this past year… To let go and hold on at the same time…
When the Spirit moves in ways that are so clear and yet mysterious, all I can do is open my heart and my arms even more.
I know in my bones that this is something that I was created to do… and I’m asking for guidance in how to make it the best ..
So here I am, sitting outside, wrapped in a blanket, listening to country music and the cars that race by and I can almost hear my Mema’s voice say,
“Don’t you ever give up and don’t you ever go around acting ugly.”
There’s enough people out there in this world acting very ugly, dangerously ugly, hurtful, and vengefully ugly.
I wish I could say some magic words like ‘”abracadabra” and all the ugliness would vanish.
I can’t do that… but I can do something else.
Son here’s my idea-which is fast turning into a plan- what if the clothes we wear, the jewelry we select, the purse we sling across our shoulders made life a little bit more beautiful for someone else?
What if that tank top helped a mom get out of an abusive situation?
What if that painting paid the single moms electric bill?
What if that purse was handmade by a 14 year girl ?
What if that headband made it possible for a young girl to stand up against the cruel words that others screamed at her?
What if everytime you put on that floral duster, you smiled because you knew it helped a woman find hope and freedom?
Instead of Amazon, TJMaxx, Target and Ross, which will never notice if you stop buying from them…. what about buying from a woman that will know your name, your favorite colors and your styles?
Would you turn ashes into beauty, would you kick ugly to the curb?
“Don’t focus on what you only have left because it could be one more minute or 50 more years.”
I was messaging with my friend and colleague, Helen Patterson, about getting together soon and then we shared a little about what was happening in our lives and our businesses.
I told her that I thought one of her friends, Rachelle, was being very brave in her recent posts and podcasts.
Helen told me that Rachelle had struggled but had made amazing progress and had chosen to share her story so other women could get it.
In just over a month, I’ll be celebrating another birthday, and, every now and then, it hits me hard.
“Can I really be that old?!”
“Where did the time go?”
“Do I have another 30,40,50 good years in me?”
“Am I strong enough, pretty enough, good enough?”
“Am I aging gracefully?”
“How can I FEEL like I’m only 34 but be twenty years older?”
“I am just getting started, do I have time to do everything I want to do?”
Those are the things that go through my mind when I’m training or doing a massage or writing out my hopes and plans.
These are the thoughts that tumble around when I’m standing in front of the mirror looking at my body, and catching glimpses of my soul in my eyes.
Helen’s words hit me straight in my heart-simple, direct, profound.
“Don’t focus on what you only have left because it could be one more minute or 50 more years.”
Damn straight.
This past year, every since Covid came roaring like a dragon, scaring us into taking Shelter In Place and having mandates for masks and social distancing, people have chosen to live with such precautions, limitations and fear.
They have stopped seeing family members, stopped celebrating holidays, stopped getting together for birthdays and Sunday dinners.
I get it. I really do. They are afraid they will get Covid.
But, here’s the thing…..I did, too, in the beginning. I stayed home, did Shelter In Place. Took off my clothes in the garage if I went anywhere, santized my house and my hands and my car over and over.
We didn’t celebrate last Easter… no baskets, no gifts, no Easter dresses, no family dinner. It was heartbreaking.
We did it because that’s what we were told to do and expected to do.
Then it hit me- really hit hard.
What I was doing-what we were all doing- was taking away precious time, giving away chances, missing opportunities, losing out.
In an attempt to prolong our lives, we gave up what made life worth living.
I know people that stopped seeing their children and grandchildren because they were afraid of Covid.
Others haven’t left their home because the ones that love them are so afraid that they will lose them.
It’s became a game of chance, of control, of hedging the bets, of making deals with God.
“I’ll stay away from everyone…. But you better add another year to my life now that I’ve given up this year.”
“I am doing all this…. so I better not get sick from Covid or anything else.”
“Here’s the deal, I’m going to follow all these rules, do everything by the book… and then I’ll be safe, right?”
Maybe so…but, I can’t help but think of it this way.
Only God knows the number of our days.
People still die from heart attacks, in car accidents, in senseless tragedies. People lose their battles with cancer, with mental illness, with other congestive, chronic sickness.
All we have is this minute…. and maybe another fifty years.
Like my friend, Helen, said, “Don’t focus on what you only have left because it could be one more minute or 50 more years”
I think that’s what’s happening, though. People have been focusing so hard on to stay here and not to be left or to leave that they have not lived!
I stopped doing that way back in May when I reopened the doors to my massage studio, Rockwall Body and Soul Massage.
I practice universal safety and sanitize procedures, but I touch people. There’s no social distancing in massage and that’s one of the beautiful things about it.
I don’t wear a mask. I have to read lips so people that come to see me express such a sense of relief when I tell them they can remove their masks.
I’ve spent so much precious time with my children, and my girls and my bundles.
I’ve been busy creating memories, making damn sure they feel loved and wanted and needed.
I’ve kissed and cuddled, shook hands and embraced. I’ve wiped tears and stroked faces.
I’ve gone to breakfast, to lunch and to dinner.. I’ve met friends for drinks at the bar, sat outside on patios sipping margaritas and listening to music.
I’ve gone dancing and I danced with anyone that asked.
I go to the gym almost every single day. I meet with my trainer, Phu, and we hold hands constantly. He places his hands on my body, I hold his legs when he stretches me. We have a comfortable intimacy. I know he’ll catch me when I stumble and he knows when to let me do my own thing.
My focus is on living every single minute of my life to the fullest.
I don’t know and neither does anyone else if I only have this minute or if I’ll have fifty more years.
I do know this much for sure.
I will not bide my time, waiting for something to be done with, or to run it’s course.
That’s not what my focus is going to be about.
I’ll do everything in my power to stay healthy and to keep my family, my friends and my clients healthy, too.
Those are the things that I can control, but life… whether it’s one more minute or fifty more years, like I hope for, is going to be spent living every single second of it!
I don’t want to have any regrets… no second guessing.. no missed kisses… no holding back.
I am planning on meeting my friend, Helen, soon. I am planning on drinking that bottle of wine that James gave me with him. I’m celebrating Easter this year with my family and for my birthday, in just over a month, I’m going to savor every single bite of that chocolate sheet cake and love on everybody that comes near me.
Just like my wise and wonderful friend, Helen, told me to do.
Helen and Jeanna’… In 2019. We will get another picture very soon.
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