New Years Day coffee and Jesus

I’m always so struck by what He places in my hands just when I need it the most.

☕️☕️💙💙 Falling Short
Just for kicks, let’s talk about how we fall short. Because we do. We don’t meet God’s standards. We miss the mark all the time. We hurt others. We say things we shouldn’t. We ride the hot mess express often. How’s that for a warm and fluffy devotion?

Too many shame scenes could play on repeat in my mind if I let them. I remember yelling at my kids once—like crazy-lady-losing-it style—only to turn around and see my husband watching wide-eyed. His whole face just saying, “Really?”

I had crossed a serious line with my kids. And not only that, I was caught in the very act. Talk about shame! We all have plenty of these stories, where the ugliest parts of ourselves take over and we do and say what we don’t want to be doing and saying. We’ve fallen short. Again.

And if you’re like me, there are three ways we think about and handle our shame:

1. Shame is unacceptable and we ought to be rejected for it. The only way to escape rejection is to hide our shame underneath perfectionism, people-pleasing, or some other shame-control method.
2. Shame is actually not shameful, so let’s celebrate it and have at it! We see this mind-set played out in our culture often. Yet the celebration doesn’t make it go away. No matter how hard we try, we can’t convince our hearts that the broken pieces of ourselves are actually okay.
3. Shame can have love written across it. This is the Kingdom mentality of dealing with shame, where we trust and understand that Jesus looks at our shame, sees it for exactly what it is, and writes love over it instead.
   This is where today’s Scripture speaks such good news to our hearts: because what makes grace so amazing is not our striving for perfection or plastic smile or perfectly arranged table or well-manicured social media page. That’s not grace looking good. That’s us dressing up and trying to earn acceptance.

What makes grace look so amazing on us is understanding our need for rescue, acknowledging our fallen nature, and comprehending our failures, knowing we are justified by God’s grace as a gift. Justification means our guilt and the penalty of our sin have been removed, while at the same time, we’ve been given right standing with God through Jesus’ sacrifice.

You may need to reread that last sentence. God’s grace takes away our shame and gives us a permanent right standing instead. And that looks amazing on us.

Grace Reflection: Think about how God has looked your most shameful choices square in the face and not only removed your punishment but embraced you in love. He has given you a right standing and a position as His beloved that cannot be taken away. Thank Him for these gifts of grace.💙💙☕️☕️
This came from a devotional that Jesus made damn sure I did. It’s this one here “Grace Looks Amazing On You: https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/18683

So I want to start off the New Year by choosing some powerful words to place in front of me.
These words came from another devotional that Jesus made sure I’ll get-
“Let me live with compassion and not condemnation. “
Oh, sweet Jesus, I’ve felt the slap of condemnation and I know good and well that I’ve also given it. I’ve been ugly,too, and judgmental as all get out.

There’s certain triggers for me that can get me riled up in no time flat but Jesus and Mema have been working on me.

Years ago, when I was working with Susan Gamez Balderas at EveryBody Massage Rockwall another therapist became upset with me and she told Susan, “Jeanna’ has a sharp edge, she’s hard.”
And you know what?
I hate to admit it but I was kinda proud of that, for all the wrong reasons. I thought it meant I came across as tough and strong and determined with an iron class work ethic but the truth is I made her feel weak and insignificant and like she wasn’t good enough. In other words, she thought I was just plain mean.

I was being hard on her for not being like me instead of building her up to become the best version of her self.
I was wrong and I know it now but for years I would kind of reflect back on that and think to myself, ” I have to be hard, I have to be sharp-otherwise I’ll get hurt, I won’t get things done, I have to guard my heart, guard my business, guard everything that matters… I can’t let my guard down, I can’t become soft because if I do, I’ll be hurt again “

The truth stings just like a slap and this time I’m slapping my own face.

My Mema used to take me by the hands and get real close so I could read her lips perfectly clear and she would say, ”Jeanna Lynn, now, don’t you be acting ugly just because someone else is. You are raised better than that. You ARE going to act better.”

And you know what?

I did…and at times, that’s all it was- an act- but just like Mema said, the more you do things, the better it gets, the more you love, the better you love, the more you try, the easier it will become.

So this New Year that God has given me- it’s this beautiful wrapped gift and those that know me, know one of my love languages is gifts so when I think of this New Year, it’s like a wrapped treasure box one inside another, tissue paper, shiny paper, ribbons and bows, layers and layers to discover.

And one of the things I’ve discovered that Jesus stuck in my hands is that I needed to become soft instead of hard.

He made damn sure I read this-

“Me: Hey God.
God: Hey John.
Me: I’m about to break.
God: Why do you think that is?
Me: Because life just keeps getting harder.
God: Then you need to become softer.
Me: Huh?

God: Here is the thing:
glass is hard
but it can shatter
when dropped

rock is hard
but it can be broken
with a drill

gold is hard
but it can be melted
in a blazing fire

don’t be so hard
that you break down so easily.
be soft
like wet clay
in the hands of a potter

be soft like
river water
in the summer

be soft like
the breeze through
a row of tall pines
all of those things
survive no matter what
happens to them
they endure because
they haven’t built their
existence out of hard
materials

be soft with other people
don’t break them
with your words
and don’t let them
break you with theirs

be soft with yourself
your heart is more cotton
than iron
your soul is wrapped
in the softest of fabrics
for a reason

the softer you become
the more you understand
how precious all life is
be more of cotton
than you are of concrete

love isn’t cold granite
love is shapeless
love is like ocean water
gently passing through your toes

in a world where the hardness of diamonds
helps determine its worth
don’t become one yourself
become so soft
that nothing can
break you

-John Roedel

So this New Year I’ve resolved to become soft like clay, to become compassionate, to become stronger physically and spiritually…. I’ve got my reasons… and those are the names on the bracelets that I wear. Those children- my grandchildren- are going to be watching me, listening to me and remembering what I do and what I say.
I want them to know good and well that Jamma loves Jesus and she loves them, too,
and I want them to see His love bouncing off me and filling everyone up.

I don’t want them to be able to say I was hard or ugly or unforgiving or mean spirited.

They are gonna say I fell a lot but I got right back up and I kept on loving through the smiles and the tears.

Damn Straight! Grace and grit …Coffee and Jesus…. Come on 23!

writingmyheartout #jeannasoul#myownwords

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