“You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.”
‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬ ‭

Will this terrible feeling in my heart ever leave?

If I took the next few minutes to try and convince you that you had an accuser, for most of us it probably wouldn’t take much convincing, if any. Most of us are highly aware that we often feel accused. What many of us don’t realize is that there is an evil one behind all the accusations. Listen to this quote in Waking the Dead by John Eldredge, “The story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart, by the one who knows what you can be and fears it.” Meaning: the enemy is always assaulting you and accusing you; his goal is to destroy your heart and steal your life.

Why does the enemy want to ruin your life, and why does it feel sometimes like he’s doing just that? Because of the One, Jesus, who lives inside of you! The enemy wants to destroy your life because he wants to destroy the relationship you have with Jesus. The beautiful news though is this, you have an Advocate who has already won every battle for you. The accuser will always come to tear you down, condemn and shame you, but if you recognize that you have an Advocate who calls you forever righteous, you will live victorious.

Look at the woman who was caught in adultery in John chapter eight. The woman was brought before Jesus by the religious leaders just after being caught in the very act of her sin. Can you imagine her shame in that moment? The religious leaders thought Jesus would condemn the woman, but instead, Jesus turned the focus off the woman’s sin by saying to her accusers, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” When they left her alone with Jesus he said, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”

Your accusers may disguise them­selves as the righteous ones. The accusations you hear in your heart and your mind all day long, may sound true. In fact, they may even be true. Just like the woman caught in adultery, maybe you keep finding yourself in the very act of your sin. Maybe you keep going back to the thing you said you’d never go back to. Friend, the good news is, even when you are rightly accused, your Jesus doesn’t accuse you. Even when you are wrong, even when you’re in the very act of your sin, Jesus says to you, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” He is the One who stands between you and the enemy of your heart. As a Believer in Him, Jesus convicts you of your righteousness. He no longer sees any blemish and to Him, “there is no flaw in you.”

This is an old picture taken with baby,Ruthie Jane. Taken before Covid did damage to my body.
There’s not a new picture of me holding my newest granddaughter, Lucy Grace, standing up like this.

I look at these older pictures and damn, I miss me in so many ways. I miss my effortless strength, my easy balance, my high wedges and cut off shorts.
I miss driving here and there, grabbing things whenever I wanted.
I miss that freedom. I really miss running into a store to get a shirt, fresh flowers,a gift to surprise someone.
I miss pedicures so much.

But I have a relationship with God that I didn’t have before. I have cut out what really didn’t matter and what I really dreaded- network meetings and staged social functions and managing people.

I’ve learned I can make do and do without.

I have also learned to let God handle things that I can’t and let me tell you- the Jeanna’ before Covid would have raised hell and tried to explain, to fight, to insist but now I raise prayers, live my best life and speak love and let go of anything I can’t control.

There is no shame that anyone can put on me that He hasn’t covered. He’s my advocate.