Yesterday I read in my devotional about the word “never” and how it creates a limit,a sense of fear, anxiety and hopelessness.

Lord, have mercy. It blows my mind that He places these things In my hands just when I need them the most and, surprisingly to me, anyways, He already knew what would take place.

Let me go back to my “never list”….
When I saw a picture of my friend, Anna Baker, getting hyperbaric chamber treatment, I sent her a Facebook message asking questions about it and one question I asked her was about the size and she sent a picture and I responded with “No, I could NEVER get into that.”
That was in January of 2023 and I meant it back then.

But my fear of settling for less than my best is greater than my fear of enclosed spaces and being forgotten and left behind.

I wanted to make sure I did everything possible to heal completely even if I was scared and even if it was something I had never dreamed I could handle.

I started to ask Shawn Jordan questions about the hyperbaric chamber and he has the patience of a Saint and would answer and explain and then let me ponder it for some time.

Well, I gave in and signed up for my first round of treatments and it was not easy.

Some days I cried. I wouldn’t go inside unless somebody sat in the metal chair beside the chamber. I wanted to see faces and hands in the round window.

I would wrestle with myself while in there and constantly text Shawn and whoever was with me, usually Greg, Hunter or Kateley.

That round was touch and go, not a weekly commitment like it needed to be because I was letting fear take me places I didn’t belong.

I was afraid I’ll be forgotten. Afraid I’ll be trapped. Afraid it was a waste of time and money. Afraid I was a burden-too much trouble- for everybody involved.

I went but I fought with myself every single time… I wouldn’t just relax for long because my mind was going 90 mph and even though I was saying all the right things, part of me was not quite believing or surrendering to let the real healing begin.

But, slowly and surely, God started putting scripture into my hands, giving me songs to listen to and read and meditate on, filling my heart with hope and courage and placing things in such a way that I knew i had to let go and let God be God.

So I decided to sign up again for another round of ten sessions after a discouraging visit with an eye specialist that just couldn’t answer why there wasn’t good enough blood flow to my optic nerves.

The hyperbaric oxygen session treats wounds and other medical conditions by supplying you with 100% oxygen inside a special chamber. It heals damaged tissue by helping your body grow new skin, blood vessels and connective tissues.

That’s the main reason I was going but then… God had another plans in mind.

He decided that this time in the chamber was going to help my cognitive function and finally break through the lingering brain fog I’ve wrestled with.

The real big, unexpected, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious thing is that this time around I finally really let go, let God and listened to Shawn all the way.

I had my daughter come sit with me twice and those weren’t my best times. I felt anxious and couldn’t relax because I knew she was waiting with two of my granddaughters.

I knew Ruthie was bored and that Kateley was there for me but that it was also a juggling act for her.

I knew I wasn’t getting the full benefits of the chamber because I wouldn’t calm
my mind..but,still, I couldn’t imagine going into the chamber without someone watching out for me.

That is, until Shawn texted me and said this-“I think having your grandchildren in here is too much for you. You have only freaked out in here twice and it’s been with them here each time.”

Damn.

Let that sink in for a moment.

He was right. He knew me. He was paying attention.

Rather than getting riled up- like ‘How dare you say my grandchildren are too much’,
I felt relieved. Simply relieved.

He knew me well enough that I could trust him to watch out for me and not feel like I needed to make sure I had family members right there, too.

Another thing… Shawn shoots straight like I do. He tells it like it is, point blank and that means I can trust him because he doesn’t just say what he thinks i want to hear, he says what i NEED to hear.

So the next session I took an Uber to SJTPT and walked into the chamber room like I always have, but this time the room was dark.

I flipped the switch and saw someone’s shoes on the floor and that the chamber was inflated so I quickly turned the light back off and went into the waiting area.

When Shawn came to get me, I told him about what I had done and said, “It was dark! I could NEVER lay there in the dark!”

Damn, there I go again with the “never” and he just smiled at me.

I got ready.,, doing my whole little routine- sliding my phone and glasses inside, sipping water, applying chapstick and then crawling inside.

Just before he zips the chamber, I slide my hand out and grasp his.

That’s my assurance, my promise, that he’s not going to forget about me.

It’s a step that I can’t skip because it is absolutely necessary.

But then, Shawn sends a text,”Now you just need to let me cut the light off in there so you can relax” and I reply,”hell, no, you will forget me.”

He sends a picture that he’s right there sitting in the chair. I breathe deeply.

“Relax and let the healing happen. God raised us in darkness. We have to go back into darkness to gain peace. That’s why we sleep at night.”

He’s right. I know it. I shut my eyes and when I open them, it’s dark and I’m not afraid at all.

Not at all.

I turn to the side. I click on some old gospel blues and I shut my eyes and fall asleep.

Then, too soon, the lights come back on and I hear the winding down as the pressure drops and the chamber deflates.

It went down and I stepped out a different woman.

I once was scared of the dark, of entrapment, of being a burden and being forgotten, of not having control of the situation I was in.

One by one, God has taken every single fear and broke the strongholds they had over me.

I find it kinda ironic the way He did it, though, using things and people that I had always spoken the word “never” to and about.

I’ve learned the only way I’m using the word now is in the context where it has power.

I’m NEVER giving up.

I’m NEVER giving in to fear again.

There’s another thing, Shawn has a slogan for his business- “ Earned, never given,” and I’m realizing something powerful and profound.

Trust is earned, never given.

And nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

That’s how God used Shawn to help me overcome years of claustrophobia, years of fighting fears, years of finding ways and reasons not to let go and let God work.

Years of saying “never” when I should have said,
“YES!”

In the dark, in the chamber, I became more of who I was created to be.

I have four more sessions left of this round. I go back to the eye specialist on November 25.

I’m going in with high hopes and great expectations, fully anticipating a great report from the doctor.

You know why?

Because I believe in miracles. I believe in prayers. I believe all these things have had to happen so that I could understand and know God’s purpose and plan for my life.

He has never left me.

I know that full well.

And I’m going to be just fine.

He’s making a way in the wilderness.

He’s got me.