“There’s a difference between being vulnerable and being weak.”

This is what my trainer,Son Do, said to me when I expressed concerns about my writing and posting about my Uber rides.

For the rest of my intense training session this morning, those words played over and over in my mind.

I’m a straight shooter, I tell it like it is but along the way, I’ve learned to be a little softer and add a little more sugar to what I’m saying…you might call it “sugar coating” but when I write about riding with strangers, I got to thinking that people are jumping to conclusions about WHY I ride and assuming that I’m no longer strong enough, steady enough, good enough anymore.

Let me ease your mind, so you’ll know what hasn’t changed and what has….

I got that nasty ol’ Covid thang 4 years ago. It affected the optic nerves in my eyes making it where I had to choose to love other people more than my freedom. While sometimes I think I see well enough to drive, it’s a risk I’m not willing to take. Part of it is just plain selfishness on my part- I couldn’t live with myself if I caused an accident that hurt someone else when I know good and well my vision isn’t as good as it should be. Another part is because it’s simply the right thing to do, period.
I see, I just don’t see far enough with the clarity that I need and want.
I promise you that I can pinpoint kindness from a mile away and the stars take my breath away and I can read the screen on this bike that my trainer makes me do intervals on!

It’s changed my gait because it went like hellfire after the nerves in my left knee.

Some moments, for no good reason, my knee will just buckle out from underneath me and I’ll catch myself before I fall and once an Uber driver from Sudan caught me and carried me to my porch.
( And don’t you dare start getting on to me about it neither!)

But almost every day, I walk up and down the stairs and carry loads from this end to another and do the work I absolutely love doing.
I stand an average of 14 hours a day every single day, and I do it without any physical pain.

But if you notice the words on my tank top,”PRESS PAST PAIN,” it’s because of a sermon I watched on Life.Church years ago. I had Chasity Watson of Upstream Dreams Creatives make it because the words hit my soul harder than my body.

That’s what I’ve been doing these last 4 years-press past the pain of the doubters that question my strength, press past the pain of not being able to jump in the car and go places, press past the pain of feeling a bit misunderstood, press past the pain of starting over again and again, press past the pain of being let down by people that couldn’t put me into a nice, little box.

Press past all that and hold on to Jesus.

Hold on to hope, hold on to the hands of Uber drivers that step up like a gentleman and walk a lady to the door.

Hold on to the family that keeps on showing up again and again and taking me places and making me feel like I’m the same as I’ve always been. Hold on tight, and love big much!

Hold on to the clients that have stood by me even when i could barely stand at all. ( Trust me, when it first happened, i couldn’t stand still without falling and I fell right into the arms of some people!) Hold on to the ones that believe in me and want to see me win again.

Hold on to the trainer that makes it to my home and then pushes me until I’m dripping sweat and doesn’t underestimate or make it easy on me or him.

Hold on to the friends that speak hard truths with a little sugar, like Anna Baker, who told me flat out,” You really need to see this nutritionist- she changed my life.”

Hold on to the nutritionist Paula Nelms, that answers all my 101 questions and lets me fall back in love with all the fruits and vegetables I have been saying “no” to for so long that I may have starving my nerves instead of healing my nerves.

Hold on to the acupuncturist that has helped me speak clearer with that good ol’ half deaf Texas accent.

Hold on to Anthony Fortier D.C. who keeps showing up wherever I text him and putting me back together again.

I’m gonna hold on and not hold off writing my heart out because there’s a big difference in being vulnerable and being weak.

There’s many things that I am but weak has never, ever been one I would own up to unless I look at it this way-
““But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

So there ya go- that’s the bottom line, that’s the deal.

Press past pain. Hold on to what matters. He’s got ya, now do your part. Be vulnerable, be authentic and it’ll all work out. — in Rockwall.