Every year I make resolutions and promises for New Years… Some are good ones, and others aren’t .
This time it’s a little different.. no, let’s me honest… It’s VERY different.
Since August of 2021, I’ve been on a journey.. a hard, beautiful, crazy and chaotic one.. and you know what?
It’s changed me, it’s made me physically weaker and spiritually stronger where I’ve been focused for so long on just the opposite.
God knew I needed this time to be still and be quiet and lose my illusions of control so that I could who He had created me to be.
I’m passionate.
I’m messy.
I screw up.
I fall down… a lot lately.. but I always get back up.
I’m blunt.. Greg Mead has spent years telling me to be gentler… He wasn’t telling me to be less than myself, he was telling me to choose my words with compassion.
I had to learn some real important lessons.
I had to learn that my beautiful daughter was watching me and seeing herself.. and when I was critiquing my body, I was, in fact, criticizing hers, too.
This is a hard truth.. but when I go into a dressing room to try on anything and she’s with me, I don’t even look in the mirror.. I look at her.
Kateley Lyons is the mirror. She’s the one that I see when I look in the mirror.. and she’s the one that looks at me and sees who she’s becoming
Damn.
That’s me, too.
Sometimes words pop out of my mouth and I wrestle with them.
I get riled up and I shoot off, letting my emotions take over but you know what else
I forgive.
I don’t hold grudges, I never have.
I’m not afraid… and that used to worry the tarnation out of my momma and my Mema but it has served me well.
So, yeah. I’m not afraid of hard work and I’m not afraid of getting hurt, I’m not afraid of falling and I’m not afraid of jack shit except..
I’m afraid that I haven’t loved enough. I’m afraid I haven’t invited enough and I’m afraid I haven’t said, “yes” when I really wanted to. I’m afraid I’ve waited too long for that “special time” when I shouldn’t have.. I’m afraid that I cared too much what “others” would think it instead of what I really thought
So here I am.. kicking off the New Year with the truth of the matter..
I am a lot of things.. but above all, and most importantly, I’m created by God at this time and space.. to be the wife, the mom and the Jamma I am.
I’m created to love more.. to create more . to be confident and strong in the body He’s blessed me with, I’m created to write and to speak and to touch with love, grit and grace.
I’m created to guard my heart against anything that pulls me down and to guard those I love fiercely .
I’m created for good works.. and to give God the glory
Damn straight, that’s what I’m going to do .. come on 2022.. let’s do this beautifully, gracefully and well!
Jeanna' Soul 