Battling the Soul Bully

☕☕❤️ this one hits me hard…. Last night I cried in my husband’s arms because I feel like I’m losing my independence and becoming a constant “needer”.. which just isn’t who I am.
I cried because I’m having laser eye surgery again this morning and because my eyes are also my ears and I just feel so vulnerable… Then this devotional.

God knows. He knows. He places these words right in front of me and blesses me and reminds me.

“Day Six

Not Today, Soul Bullies

Scripture: Romans 8:1–2

Because beginning again is a practice, a spiritual discipline, a ritual, it’s the kind of thing that we usually can’t sustain alone. We will need the help and support of a loving crew when we deplete our own resolve, energy, and courage.

I love the picture from Scripture of the four friends carrying their invalid friend to Jesus so that he might be healed. The house where Jesus was teaching and healing was overrun with people, so the four friends hoisted their friend’s stretcher up to the roof and cut a hole through which they lowered him down to Jesus.

Here’s what I know: It’s amazing to get to be one of those people who is on the four corners of the stretcher—resourceful, strong, able, heroic. It is far less fun to be the guy on the stretcher—dependent, affected, vulnerable, incapacitated. But, and I hate saying this, we often learn more through our vulnerabilities than we do through our capacities. And it is only through accepting the help and support of others that we are truly healed.

☕💙”Fully healed”
It’s been hard for me to ask for help and support . I’m a “do it myself” girl and I get all riled up when I can’t do what I want myself..
Yesterday evening I was tired and KNEW my body needed to rest but I kept on and just as I stepped on the rug, I felt it slide and I fell hard-again- and I say there for a moment, not calling out for help and then pulled myself up and winced at my throbbing hand .
My hands are how I make my living, my hands are how I pull myself up and my hands are how I feel and touch and I was, once again, trying to catch myself with my hand outstretched…
It hurt then and it hurts now but not much. .. just enough to remind me to be more careful!

If you are in a season of receiving help, it’s likely the Soul Bullies will be on to you. They want to shame, embarrass, and silence you. It’s just what they do.

☕❤️ I’ve had to REALLY wrestle with my vanity and my pride during this battle with the scars left by Covid…. I can hardly believe my own self .. instead of hiding in shame and embarrassment which is my first instinct, my desire to dance again and be fully healed and able to live fully pushed me outside my comfort zone . I started back at Legends Fit when I had to use a walker and my son had to take me down the steps to get into the door.
It was both so hard and so good to reach for the hand of Phu Lam and trust the process of getting stronger and accepting who I was, who I am and who I will be. 💙☕
Now I pull on my shorts, wrap my knee and walk in without the walker, without the crutches and without shame or embarrassment.
I’m not graceful at all but I’m so, so grateful . 💙☕

We cannot let the Soul Bullies have the last word about us. Because we serve a different narrative than they do. Theirs is scarcity and either/or and punishing to get results.❤️❤️ Our narrative is unexpectedly abundant and wildly gracious. ❤️❤️So we’re right at home, right in the pocket, as they say. We’re where we should be: human beings on the receiving end of love and grace. ❤️☕

The Soul Bullies will likely never fully go away, but we have the power to put them in their place. So even if those accusing voices are creeping in, you can say, “Not today, Soul Bullies. Not today.” And you can begin again. By the grace of God, there is now no condemnation for you, and you can begin again.

Reflection: What is something the Soul Bullies whisper in your ear when you need to receive help? Is this the ultimate truth about you? What does God want to say to you about the Soul Bullies’ words.

☕💙 The Bullies say, ” you’re so much trouble”
and “you’re becoming a burden” and “you’ll never dance again” then God places wonderful words in my hands and Greg Mead holds me tight and my daughter reaches over and fixes my makeup and my little Riven kisses me on her way down the stairs after dropping off my heavy back pack.

And God places such good people right in my path… I have to be real here… I just LOVE my gym and one of the hardest things as been waiting for my eyes to improve enough to drive to the gym as often as I want.
Almost every time I’m there, some strong armed and good hearted guy helps me either walk across the parking lot or holds my hand to get up the stairs..
I’ve been “high fived” and hugged and I’ve had people tell me they are praying for me and watching out for me .. they punch out the Soul Bullies without even breaking a sweat or realizing what they are doing.

Those things remind me that I can begin again, and that I’m still Jeanna’ Mead and every day I’m beginning to become more of who I am meant to be.

Prayer: God, I want to listen for your voice above all others. I pray for a stillness to receive the help I need. Amen.

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