When You Ask

Do you ever stop and think about what it means to ask for something? I want you to pause and ponder…put this down…shut your eyes and think about it.  Really,stop reading  my words for a few minutes,please,and think about what it means to ask for something, and to have someone ask you for something.

To ask for something is to make a request for a need or a want, but it’s more than that.
In truth,when we ask for something,we are putting ourselves in a vulnerable position, expressing our feelings, hoping to be acknowledged and heard.
It takes courage to ask; knowing full well that we might be ignored,laughed at,turned down,rejected,and  ultimately,even hurt.

We might not receive what we asked for, maybe not right away and maybe not ever. That’s the risk we take.

But there’s something else very powerful about asking for something.  To ask is to give – to give someone a chance to know you better,to give someone the opportunity to show kindness and love, to give a glimpse into who you are and truthfully,into who they are,also.

When you are asked to join  someone for coffee, it’s not about the coffee.  It’s an  invitation to be present together,to talk,to share, to get to know one other.
It’s a way of saying “I like you, I’ll like to know you better and spend some time with you.”
One of the most revealing questions is when you ask someone to come to your home. That’s the most sacred space-where you sleep,where your loved ones are,where you are the most safe. You’re giving more than glimpses,you’re opening the door to your space and saying “I trust you enough” to let you know so much about me.  The home reveals your taste.your choices in color and decor but, more than that,it reveals a level of comfortable intimacy. We rarely invite people to our homes,instead prefering to meet at restaurants or clubs;keeping our homes set aside  only for those closest to us.

When someone asks for your advice or opinion, they’re really saying something far more important. They are saying “I value you, I trust you, I admire you.”  It means they’ve noticed your expertise,your ability,your talent, your knack and they want to learn from you.
Sometimes  a simple question ,”What’s your favorite dessert ?” or “Who’s your favorite musician or author?” is the start of a journey, to be able to give unexpected gifts.
Other times asking a question leads to truths that were waiting to come out, to heart to heart talks.
My daughter used to start every serious conversation with these words,”Mom,can I ask you something?”
That was my clue to set aside whatever I was doing and pull her to me,while reassuring her that she absolutely could ask me anything at all.

There’s an intimacy in asking someone to do something for you and also in offering to do something. ” Can you stop and get me something to eat?”  implies that the you know the other person would gladly do that.
On the other hand, if someone knows your hungry and they send a text, “I’m swinging by to drop off lunch for you”, shows another level of intimacy;it shows a willingness to spend time,effort and money.

Several weeks ago, I began asking for something that I really thought was a simple request, but, it’s turning out to be a bit more than that.  My request has made me reconsider some things,and made me more appreciative of others.  It’s shown me that sometimes the answer is “no” or “not now” and that is a sign of how important it is to someone else.

Sometimes when we ask a question,it tears down walls and builds bridges and other times,it shows what the heart already knew but needed to hear.

There’s this saying that I absolutely love-“Ask the question, feel the answer.”
It brings you to the core of what asking is about,reaching out in the darkness,feeling the way with your heart, trusting in the answers, waiting for the reply.

Many years ago, my Mema would tell me that she didn’t ask questions,if she didn’t want to know the answers.  I used to tease her about that but now I realize that she was being wise. If you know the answers to the questions could pierce your heart,crush your spirit or open old wounds, then maybe it’s best not to ask unless you’re really ready to hear the answers.

“Ask and you shall receive,seek and you shall find,knock and the door will be opened to you”

But,first, you must ask!

Feel with both hands, Jeanna’

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