Close My Eyes

Last night I watched a television show and in one scene, the police officer that was addressing group of high school students asked them to close their eyes and listen.

If you’re hearing, that’s a simple enough thing to do.

Close your eyes. Listen.

But for me,and others like me, that’s asking for the impossible, just about.

Seeing is hearing…it’s also believing.

Closing my eyes means letting go of what I know and using what I don’t have. 

 It takes tremendous trust for me to do that because unless I can see, I can not hear..and if I can not see, I can not believe.

 When you close your eyes, it becomes dark and instinctively,you listen closer. You can pick up the sounds of movement, of footsteps, of music and voices.

When I close my eyes, it becomes dark and instinctively, I grip the floor with my feet, and the nearest object with my hands in an attempt to keep my balance.

 Unless I’m giving a massage.

For me, massage therapy isn’t just about what I’m giving to the client on my table, it’s also about what I’m receiving as I do the work I love.  

I receive such a sense of belonging..of purpose..of being where and what and who I should be.

 This is my dance. It is my haven.  It is my art, my craft, my gift.  This is where my body,my soul,and my mind all become united and I feel as if I am doing exactly what I am intended to do.

I close my eyes and I believe. 

I close my eyes and I listen….to the unspoken language of the body and the soul.

But I’m not always at my studio…and that’s when it’s a different story.

When it starts getting dark outside, I have two choices- go inside to the light or stay outside and sit in the dark-in more ways than one.
I’ve found out over the years,though, that sometimes sitting in the dark surrounded by the sounds of others is actually a great way of finding out so many things.

 This is when the differences become clear- in the darkness. It’s when I chose to be still and see who includes me and who doesn’t think about it.

Now that AVA -the Audio Visual Accessibility app- is available, I use my phone to catch conversations. I send the link to others and then,just like that, we are connected and I’m able to understand what’s happening and being said in the dark.

I walk that ragged edge all the time. One foot in the light and one in the dark. Halfway in the hearing world and halfway in the deaf world. 

It’s hard,sometimes, and maybe that’s why it’s called “hard of hearing.”

Yet, here I am..finally coming to grips with it and learning how to close my eyes, listen and believe.

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