Cabin Fever

Most of the time,when people use the term, “cabin fever” they are talking about to urge to escape their house after being cooped up for days,usually because of the weather.

But, for me……”cabin fever” means something different.

On February 8, I found out that I needed to prepare to leave the little yellow brick house where I took the first leap of faith and started Rockwall Body and Soul Massage. I went from renting one room to being responsible for the entire house, and finding out who fits in the space with me and who just didn’t belong.  I painted and decorated with treasures from vintage stores and garage sales and, most of all, I found my strength and courage, my “mojo” and peace on the patio where I would go to rock and ponder,read and write and enjoy the company of those that knew where to find me.

This studio was and is a dream come true where I honed my craft and fell in love with my clients, with art, with words and touch. It’s where I faced great obstacles and overcame them, where I stood alone and stood up for myself, where I collapsed in exhaustion on the couch and slept many times on my table.

This house holds my treasures and my heart ….it’s filled with memories and the lingering scent of coconut oil,jasmine and my favorite Black Phoenix Alchemy, Bliss.

I’ve received gifts and given gifts..I’ve cried tears of happiness and of anguish mixed with anger..I’ve danced with the broom in my hands, in the arms of men, with toddlers and babies and once with my aunt on the patio just long enough to satisfy her FitBit. 

I’ve listened to guys sing songs just for me which filled me with absolute delight. I’ve listened to stories that left tears rolling down my cheeks and others that had me laughing so hard I couldn’t hardly breathe. I’ve heard the kindness in voices and I’ve heard the sound of scorn. I’ve heard the sigh of relief and the whisper of understanding. I’ve heard love spoken and felt love’s touch and,oh, how I hope that I’ve spoken love to others and made them feel loved.

  I’ve shared glasses of wine,cups of coffee, bite after bite of rich, delicious chocolates. Friends have surprised me with meals and bottles of wine when I needed it the most and there were times when I would find an Americano waiting on the counter, because someone knew me well enough.

That’s something that has really been a wonderful surprise..to find out  how I’ve become known and loved by people that read my words and listen closely when they come to the studio, and I’ll admit that I’ve been shocked by how very little others know and understand about me and I’ve learned to just let that go.

I’ve found out so much about myself here. I found out that I could manage a business, create something from nothing,turn trash into treasures and do it all with a mixture of guts and grace. I’ve found out who my real friends were and which ones were only passing through.

 I found freedom from shame that held me captive for years,as I finally accepted my deafness and began to speak out and write for AVA-One Conversation At A Time. I found out which modalities I loved to do and which were just not my thing. I’ve found out that I don’t have to fit in to be content and I found out what really matters to me.

I’ve lost so much here,too. I’ve lost earrings and a necklace somewhere in the grass. I’ve lost track of  time so  often during massages and while talking on the patio.  I’ve lost track of checks and misplaced cash more than once.

I’ve lost a few clients for various different reasons. I’ve lost my balance and stumbled, lost my place and found the right page, lost my favorite stone and figured it went where it belonged. I’ve just about lost my mind over projects, marketing and SEO lingo, and I’ve lost my courage a few times, only to find it again right where I left it.

But one thing I never lost was my belief in the power of love or my passionate for massage and for words. I’ve never lost my desire to learn and ponder, to dance and hold hands, to sit and savor the beauty of nature, to give and receive with both hands and all my heart.

The time is coming that I’ll be packing up boxes, pulling down pictures, turning in the keys and making someplace else the new home for Rockwall Body and Soul Massage, but, as I’ve already told some of my friends, wherever I go, there I’ll be…..

I’ve got Cabin Fever and I’m ready to make the new place into Rockwall Body and Soul Massage…chapter 2!

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