I celebrated my birthday on May 10 and it began another year of resolutions,of dreams and promises to myself, of written lists to check off and prayers waiting to be answered….books to read and words to write, places to go and people to see.
A few years ago I had decided that instead of a traditional New Year’s Eve start. I would begin my own New Year by starting on my birthday.
So this year I’ve vowed to give gifts…to myself and to others.
I’m giving myself the gift of acceptance..of the woman I am now and the girl that I once was. That means accepting my deafness and the way it’s shaped me and my relationships with others. It means accepting my scars- those that can be seen and those that are invisible to the eye but felt with the heart. It also means accepting age and my body and the changes in my appearance. It means accepting a different standard of beauty and strength. It means that I’ll embrace self…my struggles, my sensuality, my deep spirit and bright light, my chaos, and the things that set me apart and I’ll find others that accept those without making me feel like something is wrong with me.
I’m also giving the gifts of forgiveness to myself and to others. It may not be neatly packaged, tied with pretty ribbons and it may very well be a bit rumbled and worn, stained with tears but I’m handing it over with all the love I can.
There’s another gift I’m going to give away graciously. I’m giving the precious irreplaceable gift of time. My Mema used to say “Come sit down and spend some time with me.” and that’s exactly what I’m going to spend generously. Time can not be replaced and that can never be repeated so I will choose to spend time with people, choose to make priorities, choose to live spontaneously, choose to “go and be”, instead of “wait and see”.
I have been writing on this chalkboard by my studio for weeks for everyone to see and reflect upon as they walk by. It’s this simple sentence -“What do you want to be known for?”- but it carries so much weight and for this New Year of my life, I’ve pondered what I want to be known for.
Love.
That’s it…..I want to be known for love…I want to give love so generously that people walk away feeling touched and known. I want to do what I love and love what I do. I want to feel love- in the dirt between my toes, in the smiles on the faces, in the embraces received and given.
I want to make love more this year of my life…more spur-of-the-moment dances, more time with my kindred spirits, more time with my family. More memories made with Love.
This means I’ll have to make sure I love myself enough to listen to my intuition, to use my voice, honor my body and soul, give myself the gift of love and live this New Year of my life beautifully.
Jeanna' Soul 