Freedom

She carried herself well

with the confidence of a woman

that knew she was

beautiful and brave

desirable and sensual

She laughed when asked

what she loved most

about being here

deep in the heart of Texas

in America

so far from her home

“Freedom! Freedom!”

This is why she carries herself so well

walking with confidence

of a woman that knows full well

how beautiful and desirable

strong and courageous

Freedom is.

Jeanna Mead    6-9-18   8 49 p.m

 

Friday afternoon, my client returned for a massage session and, as she walked towards me, i thought to myself, “She is such a beautful woman.”  As we stood there talking, she mentioned that she was leaving soon for Spain, to visit her family for two months.  I asked her how she liked living in the USA, especially in Texas and she smiled with absolute pure delight and said. “I love it here!”

Of course, I had to ask the very next thing that popped into my head, “Why, Sonia, why do you love living in Texas so much?”  

 Her answer, her simple, profound, honest-to-goodness answer was summed up in one powerful word – “Freedom!”

“Freedom?”

She laughed, tossing her head back and then looking me straight in the eyes, said,
“Freedom to be myself!”

“In Spain, I can not find anything to wear, I can not go into a shop and find a dress, a blouse, or pants.. nothing at all… because, there I am just FAT… and they do NOT like fat women in Spain.”

This woman is gorgeous, with a voluptuous body, and long, strong legs, graceful arms and hands of a pianist.

She has a charming accent, a vibrant smile and carries herself with such confidence.

That type of confidence comes from having the freedom to be your own kind of beautiful.

She explained that in Spain there’s a standard of beauty that is so limited,yet so accepted that it’s literally impossible for any woman that doesn’t fit the cookie cutter mold to feel beautiful or to find anything to wear that makes them feel beautiful.

“But here, in Texas,”she said, “I can go into any shop and find so many things- cute, sexy,beautiful things that fit me.”

Here I am,thinking that freedom was about having political and religious choices. about having the right to vote, to select healthcare,schools, jobs and all that but then, this woman reminds me what freedom really is.

Freedom is being yourself. Freedom is owning your body and your soul.It’s making peace with who you are and finding out who and what you want.

Freedom is seeing your own beauty…looking past others “standards” and your own scars and celebrating the body you have right now.

This woman breathed words into my own starving body and soul.  I’ve wrestled mightily and lost a few battles against the standards of beauty that I’ve imposed on myself.

I’ve said., “No” to invitations when I really wanted to say “YES!” I’ve second guessed my choices over and over,standing in front of the closet and the mirrors, questioning my size,my shape,my strength and my worth.

I’ve been a captive of the “Beauty standard” for as long as I can remember.  I’ve been pressured to dress a certain way or not to wear other things. I’ve been praised for my “exotic” looks then reminded that I should look “more”- more my age, more “professional”, more “Christian” or more trendy. 

I’ve worn too much makeup and then too little, grew my hair long and let the curls go wild then cut it all off. 

I’ve tried to look at the reflection in the mirror and see myself as others do. My own daughter looks exactly like me and I find her breathtakingly beautiful but I struggle to see the same things I admire in her in myself. I am taking away my daughter’s freedom because I am holding us both hostage as long as I allow myself to feel the need to conform, to fit in to a certain size. to be just so. 

I realize that I’m the one that holds the ball and chain, the prison key and the on-way ticket to freedom.

I’ve always felt that clients come into my studio because they are meant to be there and Sonia just reaffirmed this in so many ways.

In her petal pink pants and sheer black floral blouse, she was a stand out picture of beauty and confidence and she reminded me of how I feel when I choose to wear the clothes and the colors that I love.

She had told me that in Spain.if she did find anything to fit,  it made her feel so frumpy, and OLD ..and that’s certainly not how she sees herself or how others see her.

Here she has FREEDOM…the same exact thing I have long taken for granted but.because of her willingness to share her story with me, I’m seeing just how much freedom I really do have.

Freedom to wear what feels good to me and the freedom to put back anything that doesn’t. Freedom to dance to my own song. Freedom to love my body with the scars,curves,and muscles and to do the things my body loves.  Freedom to decide to buy only what I fall in love with and freedom to say, “No way, Jose” when someone suggests anything that doesn’t feel right.

I get it, Sonia, I get it.

Freedom is about being free in your body,mind and spirit!