Lovely

I read the lyrics to this song a few years ago while doing a massage and it became a favorite.

I had been struggling during some dark days in my life and part of the struggle was that I had lost my own self- my confidence, my sense of style, my beauty in an attempt to be what another person made me feel I should be.

It took a great deal of soul searching and a few really good friends to help me break through the darkness and into the light again.

I had to let go of what I thought I was supposed to be to become who I was meant to be. I had to let go of who I used to be, and embrace who I am now.

That meant looking at my body with new eyes,appreciating the curves and the softness, as well as the muscles and strength. It meant accepting the way time has engraved marks and lines and seeing them as part of the mosaics of the art of my body instead of parts to be ashamed of.

For me it also meant taking a good,hard look at my closet.

I got rid of anything that didn’t make me smile when I put it on, anything that didn’t feel good,fit right, or have a purpose or hold a special spot in my heart.

I indulged in my weakness- cowboy boots, beautiful lace panties, off-shoulder tops and colorful dresses and I decided I would wear them whether or not my legs were perfectly toned, or everyone else was wearing more appropriate attire. I decided I would show up in what I felt lovely in.

There were times when I stepped into the reception room to greet a new client that I would catch the look of surprise that they had booked a massage with a woman in cowboy boots and dress but I never had anyone walk away because of it and maybe,just maybe some return because of it.

I have flatly refused to wear scrubs or any type of uniform. I’m not trying to fit into a preconceived idea of what a professional should look like because,quite frankly, it isn’t what matters to me.

Saturday afternoon I went with my best friend, Aletta Joy, to a gathering of women at the home of my close friend, Lisa, and I felt my body and soul relax and let go in the company of these women.

This is another huge leap of faith for me but I took it because Aletta Joy and Lisa were both instrumental in pulling me back out of the shadows and into the light.

When I doubted my strength and beauty, I was reminded. When I needed a hug,an invitation and a margarita- there they were. When I didn’t feel good enough, I looked at them and knew I was because women like that don’t waste time with people that ain’t good enough for them.

They are lovely. They make me feel lovely just the way I want to be.

Now I’m standing on the ragged edge again,preparing for another leap of faith and reading the lyrics to songs and reminding myself-

“I’m just little old me..but that’s enough and I’m lovely just the way I am”

I’m going to pull on my cowboy boots and take off running after another part of my dream…because I know I’ve got some really g good people cheering me on, holding back the darkness and shining the light!