There’s a letter that Charlie Chaplin wrote to his daughter and in it, he wrote some words that have been reprinted over and over,framed and hung, given out to lovers which is what he intended the words for.
I was looking at some old photographs of long time friends yesterday and I smiled at the memories but I also honored my instincts and knew full well that I would never be naked with any of them again.
We were not ever lovers but I had laid naked for each one of them more than once.
I will not do it again.
When we take our clothes off and lay naked between sheets to receive body work and massage therapy,we are vulnerable and it is as act of trust, of courage,of surrender to give someone the chance,the opportunity,the ability to see and touch our body so that we can receive what we need and want.
However it isn’t only the body that is naked, it is also the soul. In fact, it is even more so.
“Your naked body should only belong to those that fall in love with your naked soul.”
Belong. Fall in love.
I’ll like to reword this just a bit.
Instead of belong and fall in love, I’m going to use these words-
“Your naked body should only be touched by those that love your naked soul.”
Love is multifaceted. It is compassionate and passionate. It is understanding and attentive. It is aware and present. It sees and hears, it feels and it senses. It gives and it receives.
Love knows. Love shows. Love does. Love also doesn’t do some things.
I am hearing impaired Clinically I’m considered to have “moderate severe hearing loss” and “cookie bite syndrome” which means I hear high and low pitches but miss normal speaking tones. I can hear music but I don’t understand l ityrics, I hear the phone ring but can’t make sense of what is being said, I hear the birds singing but can’t tell how close or far they are.
It’s just the way it is.
It’s part of my body and my soul.
It’s who I am.
Many people don’t understand my deafness,or how much I do or don’t hear and that is just the way it is .
But I expect more when it’s someone I know, someone I consider a friend and colleague.
I’ve been disappointed. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been bought to tears and to rage.
I won’t go there again.
I will never get naked again for anyone that doesn’t touch my body and my soul with love.
I have the final word on who can see and touch my body and reach my soul. I have learned the hard way that only a very few honor both and so only a very few will be trusted with both.
I received massages from each of these women and found out more about them during the massages.
I was hurt. I was disappointed. I was angry.
I bit my tongue and I vowed to never lay down for any of them again.
They are good women. They are knowledgeable therapists.
But they do not touch with love for both the body and soul.
They assumed. They took advantage.
They blew it big time.
During a massage, when I was face down, in a vulnerable position, the woman that was massaging me, opened the door to let someone else in the room. I felt the energy of another person then I heard them talking. I couldn’t understand the words but I heard the voices. The therapist kneaded my muscles but was obviously interacting with someone else. Minutes later, the door opened and the other person left and she continued working on me as if nothing had happened.
I laid there, as still as I could,choking back the tears,feeling violated by both of them.
When it was over, I put my clothes back on and promised myself to never take them off for either of them again.
Years later, I was injured in a fall and I scheduled a session with another therapist.
I went in with my knee swollen, bruises up and down my leg and back and desperately needing relief.
I took my clothes off and laid naked between the sheets.
Warm,capable hands began to work on me and I breathed a sigh of relief and gratitude.
Too soon,though.
Minutes into the session, I noticed I was only feeling one hand on my body.
But then both hands were back on me,moving skillfully over my body again.
Another sigh of relief.
Too soon,again.
I heard my therapists voice and then another voice-a man’s deep laugh.
During the moments when I was only feeling one hand,she had set up her phone on speaker mode and while she was massaging me, she carried on a long conversation with her boyfriend.
After all, I was deaf,right? I couldn’t have known,right?
I laid there, naked and in pain. My sigh of relief turned into a sigh of frustration and anger.
She finished the session and took her phone.
I put my clothes back on and I promised myself to never take them off for her again.
She did not touch my body or my soul with love. She did not deserve my trust ever again.
I learned. I accept. In move on.
There’s the other aspect of the body and soul connection.
I had been training hard and my legs had taken a beating so I scheduled a session with another therapist.
I took my clothes off and laid naked between the sheets. She worked thoroughly on my hamstrings and quads, stretching my legs and hips until I was clenching the table and biting my lips in pain. Not once did she notice my body language, or let up on the pressure. I felt it was torture instead of therapy. She didn’t stroke my back, touch my arms, release my grasped fists…she focused only on the original problem I had came in with and ignored everything my body and soul was telling her.
I was disappointed. I was hurt. I walked out, got in my car and cried my heart out.
“Your naked body should only belong to those that fall in love with your naked soul.”
Chapin’s words. Such profound truth.
Fall in love.
Over and over,I’ve had clients tell me that when they receive body work from me,they feel like I’m making love to them in the way that isn’t sexual or sensual,but is compassionate and honorable and I realize it’s the truth.
I touch with love,with intention,with purpose,with awareness,with understanding and knowledge.
I touch the naked body and honor the naked soul.
Just like I want to be touched.
Just like I wasn’t.
I will never get naked again for anyone that doesn’t see my soul.
I will never touch a naked body without reaching the naked soul.
I will only receive bodywork from those that love the soul as much as the body.
It’s my choice.
It is who I am.
It’s the way it is.
It’s that simple.
It’s my final word.
It is love.
Jeanna’ Mead
10 15 a.m. 4-24-19
Www.jeannasoul.com
Jeanna' Soul 