Only a handful of people know how hard the last few years have been.
I’ve held it together pretty damn well.
I’ve learned so much about who I am, who I was and who I will be.
I’ve discovered my real friends and found out who wasn’t.
I’ve found out how to surrender and how to let go, when take the reins and when to let them loose.
I’ve given and I’ve received.
I’ve broken rules, stepped over boundaries, thrown out lifelines and caught a few myself.
I’ve gotten up.
I’ve came real close to losing everything and real close to making it great.
I’ve made my share of mistakes. I trusted when I shouldn’t have and I’ve ignored my own instincts when I should have trusted those even more.
I’ve made lists..way too many of them.. Filled with things j wanted to do but not of things I’ve actually done.
One great friend told me it was time to quit writing and start doing and he promised to make damn sure.
Then I began to find others that I could trust and that believed in what I was.
That’s a game changer.
I’ve slept alone and I’ve slept Tangled in sheets with others. I’ve slept on massage tables, couches and beds but I want to sleep outside under the stars, in a cabin, on the deck, and while sunbathing on a boat. I want to sleep in beautiful lingerie and with nothing on my skin and in flannel PJs that smell of campfire smoke.
I want to make love more and make love differently.
Making love isn’t the same as having sex. It’s an intimate act that is of the mind and soul not just the body.
A few years ago, I had read the quote, “Make More Love” and I printed out 60 cards with those words.
When I handed them to clients, some would blush, some would wink and flirt and some would break my heart.
One woman grabbed my hand, collapsed into my arms and after crying said, “I haven’t made love in 20 years”
I held her. Then she said.” That’s why I come to you.. It feels like you’re making love to me in a sense. You’re the only one that touches my face, that touches my back, that sees my scars and it’s all I have.”
When she left, I cried for her.
That’s making love. That’s what I want to do more of.
I don’t want one more year to disappear into thin air with nothing to show for it.
That’s why…. This year, I’m going to LIVE.
I’m going to say “YES!”
I’m going to dance.
I’m going to invite and accept invitations.
I’m going to push the limits, jump over the lines, cross the boundaries and break the rules beautifully, deliberately and well.
Damn straight I am.. And maybe, just maybe you will, too